Beairng in mind those that can "do" and those of us that can't teach
You are the "microwave operator" on a standard day trip to Norway and the only difficulty of the day is that you are flying in a "short J"
Unfortunately on a mainly pax run, due to seats lost in vibration areas, the fuc@in thing is about as easy to trim as an eskimo's beaver
and you arrive in destination to be faced with 40 odd "chuffed to fu@k cos they are going home" Marines and a stack of very light freight. The extremely capable, not to mention damnably attracrive, antipodeon DAMO loads the aircraft perfectly but, through no fault of her own the trim is almost in Sweden............but still legal
However on raising the ramp the carefully prepared palletised load, which should allow the satisfaction of the rules of ready access meanders slowly but inevitably towards 245, helping sort out the trim problems but completley blocking off the all singing and dancing electric bog
Do you........
a. Lower the ramp, tell afore mentioned babe that she couldn't load a shopping trolley and she had better get it fuc@in sorted toot sweet
b. Think "fu@k em" they are only grunts, even if they are mostly HUGE GRUNTS
c. Ask the pax if they think they will need said dumpster for the 3 hour leg home and greet the universal chorus of "just get us the fu@k out of here" with a sigh of relief
d. One hour into the 3 hour leg grin sheepishly at the Captain, who during the course of the day has consumed a french stick, a variety of other snacks followed by a quarter pounder with fries blah blah blah during the ground stop, and now needs desperatly to use the aforementioned cabin consumer facility
Then spend the next 3 hours grinning like a wan@ing jap watching him gradualy lower his seat further and further as the impending turtle, now makeing a concerted it's bid for freedom forces him higher and higher in his chair. And of course no one mentions porcelein in any way shape or form for the rest of the trip
al spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced