FFF, That's an unhappy story, I hope for you that the next phase of your life presents nice things which you have not really thought to look forward to yet.
Thirty years ago, I was a new volunteer firefighter. I used my airplane to search for, and find (the next day) a very recently retired Toronto Police officer. He had been enjoying a winter pastime, and it had gone wrong for him. He toiled at a job it was said that he came to not like, waiting to simply retire, and got less than three weeks of that retirement. Direct lesson: Wear you lifejacket! Indirect lesson: There's more to life than to go periods of time not enjoying it!
That was the day I started looking at life a little differently, you never know what's coming, and maybe a long recreational phase of later life as planned is not on a person's horizon. I decided that day to do my best to enjoy a short burst of recreation every day, so I could look back on that if times turned downward for me. Time turned downward eight years ago, and my wife was told that I would not survive the ambulance ride to Toronto. I did, but it wasn't looking good in general. My son in law, remembering what I had told him about my "enjoy a bit of every day plan" did his best to convey this to some rather worried family members. Whether it helped them, I'm not sure, but it made things a little less worse - and was true. When I came to four days later, realizing things were bad (first question from the doctors - can you wiggle your toes?), I was able to look back on a great life, and lots of time I devoted to being happy. Sort of the life flashing before your eyes thing, but a little after the fact - it was a great flash though!
Months later, I began to walk again, thinking that was a big achievement. My two airplanes sat, with my future with them being very uncertain. Seven months later, I decided to fly one of them, and it went well (my pilot medical had not been "taken away" - yet). I was honestly surprised that I could even get into the plane, let alone fly it (it fit like a well worn glove I'd flown the day before!). A year later, when Transport Canad finally became aware I had been injured, my medical was severely restricted so as to be useless to me. I contemplated it not being worth the effort to fight for it back, But, I did, and it was worth the fight. That was simply good fortune for me, I had no right to expect to ever hold a pilot medical again, and Transport Canada made no secret of their intent that I should give up.
Four years ago, I watched one of my planes burn in a hangar fire - the well worn glove one. I'd owned that plane for more than 30 years, and been all over the continent in it. (The bucking bronco plane survives to this day, it was outside). All this to say that I have learned that life is a series of acts (in the play sense), some elements overlap, some certainly do not - hard stop. For those nice things in life that must be surrendered, you get to keep the memories. Like a nice vacation to a place you loved, but can never return to, you have the memories, and maybe a few photos. Enjoying the recollection, when the actual pleasure is no longer there is a part of enjoying later in life. There are places I have been I will never return to. Airplanes I have flown that I will never fly again, people I have known that I will never speak with again, and after two very broken legs, and a broken back, running is a thing of the past for me. The best I can do is look fondly upon those memories
You have to focus on some unpleasant stuff coming up, and perhaps have had your vision of what to look forward to narrowed against your preference, you have my sympathy about that. But, you're recalling nice times, and nice people, and a lot of fun flying, that's something. I'm confident, based upon personal experience, that new things will come to you, which you can embrace and enjoy...
And, stick around here, and read the silly things that some of us are still doing with airplanes!
Best wishes,
Pilot DAR