Thank you for your detailed reply, I have decided to take some time out clear my head and come back with a positive mind set, currently still feeling down and some what depressed but at the same time the hunger is in the belly but at times thinking the path I choose is it worth disrupting family life as that if i did get a 9-5 office job at least i will be at home and work home life will be balanced but then i some times think i have a second chance and that I know the struggle that I went thru to get this far and the struggle will pay off, having an office view at 30,000 ft is some time unreal and each day will be different, yes to get the first 500 hours will be a struggle but afterwards the struggle will be worth it
I like your comment about speaking to the instructor and about distractions, I felt at my initial type rating training If i did came forward and spoke up they would have just postponed the lesson and made a note and just would not really care as they are on a time frame themselves, it seems second time round with the type rating at a different location from speaking to a friend who is doing the course it seems more relaxed and tailored to the student etc, I recall a lesson where i did not plan adequately and realised i was over my head in terms of lesson planning and I explained this to the instructor never the less he let the lesson go ahead and made a report on my file for it to be repeated and i did not plan adequately, which I was annoyed as I rather would have let the lesson be cancelled and have a lesson on briefing me what I should have prepared for the lesson and what I lacked on etc..
Looking at the various comments, I feel that I did not plan well from day 1 and not being on the same page as my sim instructor did not help, thus i am understanding my mistake and will improve on them and bring a better knowledge and studying when i do the type rating the second time round, its about 18 lessons/sim time the whole type rating that i originally did, yes it will be annoying doing it again but i feel i have the added advantage of knowing what i have done previously so it should make the second time far better, I also did hate the time in the sim originally where i did an action wrong and the instructor kept shouting, during those moments i just kept a look on the clock and thought only 15 mins left etc, as i just wanted to get out the sim as i felt crap, I know the sim lessons are ment to be enjoyable and a learning experience but for me it was the opposite..
At the same time i dont want to leave it for so long where i forget stuff but want to ask this low negative sad feeling is this normal and how do i overcome this feeling..