As Captain of a small ship conducting Phase One of the Navigating Officer course, I am getting briefed in the Ops room and the first stude, a gent with distinct East Coast accent reads the met brief fax which is basically clear and a million. I stop him mid sentence and tell him to go look outside. He comes back and I ask him for a short summary of the "actual weather". His response "well if I was a bird I would be swimming home as the fog is so thick I wouldn't be able to see my Arse end if I turned my head around !".