Bluntly: the SFO controller is a complete ****.
The A350 was on an IFR flight from far away and announced early on that he could neither do a visual approach nor do own visual separation.
So it is the controllers job to slot him into the sequence and make the needed room such that the IFR flight gets a proper instrument approach with proper separation assured by the controller.
To advise 10 mins holding to prepare for that is fine, but then after 14 min of holding and a request for an updated EAT by the crew to basically force him to divert (by announcing indefinitive holding) is NOT ok, when other aircraft who have arrived after the A350 are being landed.
It is certainly not the controllers job to "educate" a crew and to play police or judge on an airliners SOP by refusing basic ATC service - also not when a crew is not 100% perfect in their language. Words are words, what counts is the action, and Lufty was completely professional in their actions.
Of course ATC can deal on a desk with this situation in general with Lufthansa and see how to avoid such happenings in the future - I think no reasonable flight ops manager would deny that you have to play along on high density airports, so certainly it could be worked out.
But this is a table exercise and should not be a concern for an ATC controller on the job.