First up, apologies for the long post. Rummaging through some old aviation magazines and notes the other day and found this really humorous article from a 'Flight International' publication. I assume it was written by a British author due the brilliant humour.
Undaunted by aerodynamic realities, the design team at Pilatus/Britten-Norman has announced plans for the BN2-XL, promising more noise, reduced payload, a lower cruise speed, and increased pilot workload.
We spoke to Mr. Fred Gribble, former British Rail boilermaker and now Chief Project Engineer. Fred was responsible for developing many original and creative design flaws in the service of his former employer,and will be incorporating these in the new BN2-XL technology under a design agreement.
Fred reassured BN-2 pilots however that all fundamental design flaws of the original model had been retained. Further good news is that the XL version is available as a retrofit.
Among the new measures is that of locking the ailerons in the central position, following airborne and simulator tests which showed that whilst pilots of average strength were able to achieve up to 30 degrees of control wheel deflection, this produced no appreciable variation in the net flight path of the aircraft. Thus the removal of costly and unnecessary linkages has been possible, and the rudder has been nominated as the primary directional control. In keeping with this new philosophy, but to retain commonality for crews transitioning to the XL, additional resistance to foot pressure has been built into the foot pedals to prevent overcontrolling in gusty conditions (defined as those in which wind velocity exceeds 3 knots). An outstanding feature of Islander technology has always been the adaption of the 0-540 engine, which mounted in any other aircraft in the free world is known for its low vibration levels, so as to cause it to shake and batter the airframe, gradually crystallsing the main spar, desynchronising the accompanying engine, and simulate the sound of fifty skeletons fornicating in an aluminium dustbin.
However design documents clandestinely recovered from the Britton-Norman shredder have solved a question that has puzzled aerodynamicists and pilots for many, disclosing that is actually noise which causes the BN-2 to fly. The vibration set up by the airframe, in turn causes the air molecules above the wing to oscillate at atomic frequency, reducing their density and causing lift. Noise said Fred causes the lift - look how much noise the Concorde makes and how fast it goes.
I'll stop here as the article is extensive and would take me about another hour (or two) to type.