Ok, I am going to call this one...
Some lovely captions, mine was along the lines of.
"Well My optician told me I was long sighted, but I can't see a damned thing holding the glasses he provided at arms length."
Scores on the doors and a welcome to our new competitor,
sealo0... take a bow.
Buster with
Look...is that someone coming back? Shoot him!
Treddi with
No... he was well offside. You can't have the linesman shot for that decision.
Ascend Charlie with
"THIS is how long a Cubit is, OK? Now make it forty cubits by fifty......"
MPN11 with
“Look there … Kiltrash has launched another barrage of Captions.”
Runners up are Confusious and Buster with
"Quick...put your virtual reality glasses back on, you're starting to talk sense and it really doesn't suit you."
And
Good. This is good. Now show me the other escape routes...
But I am going to award it to Buster 
with
Look...is that someone coming back? Shoot him!
The CST trophy is on the way, you will have to pay the postage and import duties though..