The following was posted by Two’s In on the last thread about this nonsense and in case they don’t get round to re-posting it I will as it’s hilarious……..
"...the Board determined due to dense fog near the summit, that the jet pack operative's glasses had become steamed up. In an attempt to wipe his glasses, the operative became temporarily inverted which caused the jet efflux to ignite his starboard trouser leg. Distracted by the burning clothing and momentarily disoriented, it is believed the operative incorrectly selected the "TOGA" power setting button which was adjacent to the "Demister" switch. The sudden increase in power caused an immediate bowel evacuation, the secondary effect of which was a CG shift which then pitched the operative back to the vertical. The fecal weight loss combined with the TOGA setting generated an immediate high velocity climb. The increased power setting consumed the remaining fuel at a far higher rate, and the jet pack flamed out shortly afterwards, while still firmly IMC. The parabolic arc described by the jet pack led to the operative arriving in a near vertical dive at a high velocity some 20 feet from the stranded hiker. The hiker reported the operative was still on fire with steamed up glasses shortly before impact. Rescuers were able to use a spatula and cigar box to recover the remains. The hiker walked down from the mountain unharmed."