Memories crowd in; confused, perhaps, but still very real.
Playing “Hunt the Pi$$er” in the QRA mess at Waddo on one snowy Christmas Eve at Waddo in the late’60s, listening to the carols from King’s College. “…Peace on earth, and mercy mild…" at which point the tannoys went live “THIS IS THE BOMBER CONTROLLER BOMBLIST ***** EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 05, EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 05, EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 05”. By which time we were through the door and running to our aircraft. Roy, our AEO being fitter than me (he played Rugby for the RAF) had the key to the hatch and got there first, even as the Crew Chief was firing up the Palouste.
Scramble up the ladder, trying to scrape as much snow off our boots as we could and squeezed (I am “portly”) between the central console and the LH bang seat. The 28v came on and everything lit up like a Christmas tree (we had left the aircraft at 15 mins when we took it over in the morning). Jammed on my helmet (sod the bonedome!) by which time the Bomber Controller had changed his tune on the telescramble EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 02, EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 02, EXERCISE EDOM READINESS 02. Oh S**t! So its down to me as senior (but by no means the most experienced) Captain on QRA to decide whether conditions are safe to taxy onto the runway. Anyway let’s get the donks fired up. SIMSTART was disabled after a recent engine fire (not a good idea with real nukes in the back) so its “Chief starting No 1” Starting No 1 Sir! External Air start is perfectly normal, so its “Palouste away, Chief, cross-bleeding 2,3 & 4”. Run No 1 up to 90% and stab the other 3 start buttons together. Then ensues the “fastest four-handed game in the world” (except for “its slipped out darling!”) feeding on the HP cocks, monitoring the JPTs, oil pressures and revs building up. While the AEO fiddles with his bus bars I call for taxy while starting up the PFCUs. “QRA section clear to Runway 27 to line up and hold, QFE …blah blah… be advised there are extensive ice patches on taxyways and the runway. Taxy with extreme caution” The ATCO covering his arse, don’t blame him. Decision time! “Chocks away Chief” Going off line Sir! The Crew Chief pulls his plug and also the telescramble so we are spared the regular voice of doom from High Wycombe. The wands wave me on so I pour on a little coal and release the parking brake . We are quite heavy so she takes a bit of a getting moving. I tentatively check the brakes and nosewheel steering – a little bit of juddering indicating a bit of a slide, but adhesion seems reasonable. I call the 44 & 101 crews and advise them to leave plenty of space between aircraft and take it easy. (Teaching my grandmothers, but my own arse feels entitled to a little care). At about 1700hrs it is pitch dark, of course, and some of the centreline taxiway lights are obscured or missing – probably scraped away by the snow ploughs. We now have to rely on ATC relaying the Bomber Controller. I roll well down the runway before stopping and thinking. And catching up on various FRC checks. I contemplate doing up my harness and donning my bone-dome, and if the magic words “EXERCISE EDOM” were not included in Bomber’s messages I would have done so. In fact legend has it that a rooky Bomber Controller once took the QRA force to RS 02 with out uttering the word EDOM, which was OK until he tried to stand the force down to RS15. There was no means of authenticating the instruction and the Waddington crews refused to budge off the runway. The Squadron Commander, Wingco Ops, Staish all took it turns to try to persuade some of the old sweats, without success. The story ran that it took the Padre to convince the blokes that they weren’t the targets of some trick by the duplicitous Comrades!
PS. I have no FRCs, so if any clever sods tell me that my procedures are all to hell, I readily concede. Happy Christmas to all old “V” hands. You’ve certainly earned it.
