How about you discuss with the other pilot your thoughts about delaying gear/flaps etc?
Hopefully he'd agree - or maybe say "what about xxxx consideration...." and you might say "yeah, fair point".
When you both agree a course of action off you go. Simples!
The books - QRH/FCOMS etc - will give you great procedures but cannot cover everything, very occasionally you may have to size things up and be responsible for the decisions you make and the reasons.
Of course if you've an uncontrollable engine fire and the wing's about to fall off slightly greater immediacy of actions.
Cheers