Well!
I managed to finally get through to a human this morning. I was so very proud.
She told me that they were working on applications received on 27 Nov (the day before I submitted mine), so that didn't sound TOO bad. BUT I pointed out that, according to the website, they had been working on applications from the 27 Nov since first thing Monday morning. It's now Thursday. The nice CAA lady didn't sound surprised when I pointed out that they had been working for 3 days on 1 day's worth of applications.
It doesn't take the brains of an archbishop to realise that this is not a viable situation. In fact, if these relative rates of submission/processing remain the same, by this time next year, it will take over two yeard to get your licence back.
Maybe get it next week, maybe not. Just fan-tastic.
Ciao!
CC