Originally Posted by
stevef
Job summaries on recruitment websites describe how successful candidates will be expected to ensure troops and civilian Ministry of Defence employees 'feel authentic in the workplace', that people's differences are 'valued' and that 'everyone's needs are considered'.
'Please, sir - I don't feel authentic in my workplace.'
'Authentic? Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that, Airman; let's sort this out, shall we. Have you got your full complement of limbs and other body parts?'
'Yes, sir, I'm all present and correct.'
'Excellent. Does your uniform conform to Dress Regulations and does it fit nicely?'
'Er, yes, sir.'
'Have you been adequately trained for your role in military service?'
'Um, yes,sir, I'm fully qualified.'
'Very good. Have you got all the equipment needed to carry out that role?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Are you gainfully occupied during your working day and are your efforts appreciated?'
'Er... yes, sir, I'm performing a vital function in my squadron.'
'Are there sufficient recreational and sporting facilities on the station to fill your off-duty hours?'
'Yes, sir, there are plenty of opportunities.'
'And do you require anything more than your colleagues are getting?'
'No, sir, we're all in this together.'
'Most commendable. Is there anything else we can do to make you into a more efficient airman?'
'No, sir, the food menu is varied, there are religious services to suit my beliefs, the accommodation and pay is fine and I think I'm very good at my job.'
'Right, then, you horrible little man, you are authentic - get back to work now and don't waste my @&**%#~&$ time again.'