A long time ago Lyneham customs threw the book at a Gib Shackleton crew for smuggling, watches I think. Three of the excise men lived in the officers mess and were part of the regular bar crowd. Until they clobbered the Shack crew when they were effectively sent to Coventry by 99 sqn aircrew.
A couple of weeks after the break down in communications when I was a 2nd pilot on the Hastings standby crew we were called out to fly an Admiral from Northolt to Lossiemouth to carry out an annual inspection.
After the old Hastings clattered to a halt abeam the red carpet and station commander the AQM called out for help to open the jammed rear door. Our renowned navigator responded quickly and managed to open it with one hard shove. Standing in the ledge in the open doorway PS surveyed the assembled men in navy blue and gold and declared in a very loud voice: “Fu*king hell, CUSTOMS”