Gripping reading!
Flying bean - Good on you! I guess there's no answer so far?
FMC - how about writing a CHIRP? I've no idea how effective they are, but in the long, cold winters here, they make for almost as good reading as pprune!
I sympathise - its a horrible situation to be in, but the smoking pilots are breaking the rules just as much as the drinking, or late arriving, or non-SOP ones. Tough decision, but if you are going to make a stand sooner is better than later. Are there any other senior captains whose advice you can seek?