Apocryphal Old Story (or Softening the Blow):
QFI (Pole): "Vat is your name, Smithers ?"
Stood (puzzled): "Smithers, Sir".
QFI: "No, no, no, - vat is your ozzer name ?"
Stood: "Jonathan, Sir".
QFI: "What does your muzzer call you ?"
Stood: "Johnnie, Sir".
QFI (places comforting arm round Stood's shoulders): "Well, Johnnie - you're scrubbed !"
All right, you've heard it before, I suppose ....