fmc apprentice,
Some sad answers to your original enquiry,esp from Airbus girl.Etiquete is that the smoker should ask if its okay before lighting up.You are then quite at liberty to say "Rather you didnt."That should be the end of it.
When I started flying many moons ago,I can assure you that neither the Captain or FE asked my permission to smoke.I didnt feel the need to whinge but everyone's different I guess.Times have changed and in todays politically-correct flt deck,you sound like you will fit in very nicely.If you ever decide to leave that lovely sceptred isle and seek a career as an expat pilot,I would watch the remarks about those nasty "foreigners" though.