Firstly Flying4fun says we "are too busy to watch me every second, so I never rely on them." Yes we don't watch every move you make. We are not Sky police and most infringments if not serious will go unmentioned but please rely on us otherwise I'd be standing in the welfare queue trying to claim unemploymnet (which isn't good in Africa) And If we do become unreliable to the point that you start doing your own thing to avoid a collision again I'd be in the queue at home affairs.
The fear of god is usually placed in to a new pilot when he starts learning to fly by an agitated ATC and from then on he thinks every ATC is the human version of some dragon that was never slayed. This can be rectified by spending time in the TWR and you will see that I'm just as normal(read crazy) as anyone else and I am also human so when I pull the ring trough it I'm also expected to "please explain and offer appologies"
There is usually a lot of unheard work happening in the ATCC with liason or even operating another frequency that you may not be monitoring. Now this is not me trying to make an excuse for bad behavior but if you feel that you recieve bad service why not contact you local unit after landing and ask why. Refusal through a zone might be done because a procedure exists that discurreges this for the ATC safety to prevent him/her being overloaded or an ATC is handling their capacity which could greatly differ from someone elses. We all think at different rates and many factors (headaches, stress, fatigue, experience levels) could make us want to slow traffic down.
I encourage meeting your local ATCO's and spend time asking questions (over a few beers will make us more willing) and it is a 2 way street as that also gives me the opertunity to ask you questions about how you operate your acft and I can then try improve sequencing etc. The only thing I urge you to remember is that you are not the only one in the sky at any moment. Only the Wright Brothers had that privlege, If you have to fit in No 2 sometimes remember all the times you were No1.
How you sound on the radio also has a lot to do with how much I trust you to carry out an instruction. Sounding professional does help a lot.I know this is bias but If I'm not sure that an instruction is going to be understood then I'd rather leave you at the back then I don't have to hope you get it right.
I know that it can be a scarry to speak to us especially whilst learning to fly but remember I also had to learn to be an ATC and I remember my 1st time on frequency and how I shook with fear but as my Instr said - Its no different than talking to the guy in the pub just use the correct R/T