Nimrod Toaster

[Sun Who]

Can anyone help me with details of the Nimrod toaster requirements capture debacle?
I'm referring to the instance when the kipper fleet expressed a requirement for a toaster that could service the needs of an MR1 (2?) crew and ended up with a toaster with a certain number of slots blanked out? I tried to use it as an example to a colleague of a poorly expressed requirement but wasn't in possession of sufficient facts to make the point I'd intended.

Sorry to be vague/obscure but I hope those in the know will understand what I'm on about.

Thanks in advance,

Sun.:}

[Trim Stab]

I tried to use it as an example to a colleague of a poorly expressed requirement but wasn't in possession of sufficient facts to make the point I'd intended.

Sorry to be vague/obscure but I hope those in the know will understand what I'm on about.


Was it you who wrote the requirement?

[Pontius Navigator]

Sun Who, sounds like the toaster I had modified at Wittering.

As you may know, Wittering is one of the oldest RAF messes. I was member and we had lots of electrical problems. Bar lights would last no more than 2-3 weeks. The industrial toaster would blow the fuses. PSA would . . . well not a lot.

I took the toaster down to workshops and they disconnected one element dropping it from 3300 watts to just under 3000; that did the trick.

In the Nimrod case it might have been power or maybe the offending slots were in the air path to the smoke detector?

[HTB]

On an unnamed sqn on an unnamed RAFG base near the Dutch border, the JJP was tasked with buying a new toaster for the crewroom.

After a bit of market research he found an excellent value, multi-slot, modern looking super dooper toaster. Only one small snag, it was bought in a nearby small US facility that had not yet adopted multi-voltage electrical equipment.

It turned out to be the fastest toaster we had ever seen, producing perfect toast in short order...but only lasted about two minutes before going into total meltdown:D. Oh how we laughed (he was my pilot at the time).

Mister B

[camelspyyder]

The nimrod had an 8-slice dualit type toaster - so big it took up half the galley table.

It is my understanding that the crews asked for a 4 slice toaster instead - mostly to save some space.

Therefore the 8 slice monster was withdrawn, and some time later the new 4 slicer was issued -

It was the 8 slice model with a blanking plate welded over 4 slots...:D

CS

[Rigga]

You can't make those things up!

In the early 90s when Laarbruch was becoming a hovering station - the ex-20 Sqn hangar (soon to be 18s new abode) was refurbished and a new Groundcrew crewroon was added to the old tin hut, complete with new kitchen, washing and toilet facilities all built by local contractors to drawings made up by the newer version of the Ministry Of Public Blunders & Wonders.
The extension was completed on time and possibly within budget - and handed over to the Station - and all appeared well until the sign on the gents toilet was noticed....queries were raised but the sign was correct and in keeping within the specifications on the drawings which required a sign suitable for the gents toilet...the sign read:



"Suitable for the Gents Toilet"

[si.]

This thread reminds me of when our gliding school was issued with a new Sherpa minibus. The station had recieved 10 white buses, and one red. Deciding they didn't look 'Civvy' enough, the MTO had them all returned and resprayed various colours.

Ours returned sprayed white.....:rolleyes:

[BBadanov]

Years ago in the RAAF, squadron execs (well at least the CO, i.e. RAF OC) had a Holden car/station wagon for his personal use. But the vehicle came from the factory with a standard car radio fitted.

Now humble air force employees were not entitled to a car radio in a vehicle, so the factory was contracted to remove them.

I believe the cost of removal was $300 per vehicle! Who writes these contracts!! ...and now, back to the Nimrod toaster...

[dervish]

I believe the cost of removal was $300 per vehicle! Who writes these contracts!!

The BOWMAN Personal Role Radio was the same. We paid to de-modify them in the factory when everyone else just bought the basic model. It practically doubled the cost.

[Wensleydale]

I believe that it was the mess at Waddington where it was specified that all rooms were to be fitted with a standard BT phone socket - and they were, except that the sockets were not connected to anything!

[TorqueOfTheDevil]

Not unlike the factory which, by the end of the Battle of Britain, had produced just enough AA weapons to defend itself. Or the signals unit in St Helena (or was it another Atlantic island?) whose sole purpose was to guide in the flying boats which brought supplies for the signals unit...

[teeteringhead]

Bit like the SHARs in the Adriatic during Balkan unpleasantnesses various (allegedly).

Without them, we couldn't have provided Air Defence for the carrier ......:confused:

;)

[Miles Magister]

The toasters supplied for the galley were the same catering ones as used in the messes. Large and bulky 4 hole toasters. They were too large so they were withdrawn and smaller 2 hole toasters requested. The original catering toasters were reissued with 2 of the slots covered up by a metal blanking plate.

MM

[Dan Winterland]

Be careful about how you word your instructions!

http://getfile7.posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/mitauae/0jdmXhdir35ePeBHihNCzs2AILR2FMovZZ6ow2jvNXB5QL4Sa1ppkFOTo6NZ/image002.jpg

[Pontius Navigator]

Dan, cue BEagle and that photograph again :)

[Melchett01]

Cue BEagle and what photo - this one?

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a341/nw969/SYork03.jpg

Well may as well get it out of the way, it was only going to reappear in 8 days time anyway :E

[WE Branch Fanatic]

Bit like the SHARs in the Adriatic during Balkan unpleasantnesses various (allegedly).

Without them, we couldn't have provided Air Defence for the carrier ......

So SHAR did not participate in NATO operations to enforce the no fly zone, or do any ground attack or reece roles then? I'm sure that there is a story somewhere involving a SHAR nearly getting a kill against a Seb/Yugoslav jet.

After a bit of market research he found an excellent value, multi-slot, modern looking super dooper toaster. Only one small snag, it was bought in a nearby small US facility that had not yet adopted multi-voltage electrical equipment.

It turned out to be the fastest toaster we had ever seen, producing perfect toast in short order...but only lasted about two minutes before going into total meltdown. Oh how we laughed (he was my pilot at the time).


Does he now work in procurement?

Back in 1993, the BBC Panorama programme investigated health and safety (and related) issues at AWE Aldermaston. It expressed concern over some waste processing facilities. In the 1980s there had been a great deal of building work to produce new facilities to produce Trident warheads. However, there had ben a costly delay...

As part of commissionnig the plant, it had to be tested. To save money, someone decided to use tap water instead of deminrealised. Result - plant ruined, rebuild needed.

Lots of examples from civvy life too - such as the company that decided to issue senior staff with laptops to increase prodictivity, but then decided to secure them to decks to prevent them from being removed.

[PTT]

It's not fun when the bait is taken so easily :ok:

[teeteringhead]

It's not fun when the bait is taken so easily .... true old thing.

And even when the "banter ident" (;)) was illuminated .....

But mayhap WEBFoot is a bot which posts automatically, recycling previous posts, whenever it detects the word "SHAR" .....

[Pontius Navigator]

TH, there may be one for any allusions to that picture too.

[BEagle]

One of the more amusing examples of a procurement cock-up is, or so I'm told, the impressive drainage ditches / L andRover traps along the road linking RAF Mount Pleasant to Stanley.....:sad:

When they were designed, the contractors asked for the rainfall figure, with which they were duly supplied. They did their sums and advised that these massive structures, rivalling Offa's Dike in size, were clearly needed...:\

Which indeed they would have been, had the rainfall figure been correct. But 'someone' supplied the annual figure, whereas the contractors had in fact asked for the figure for the wettest month....:rolleyes:

[Pontius Navigator]

BEagle, unless they mixed up the figures for Ascension. The ditch passed Travellers was about a foot or so wide and the same deep.

When it rained it became a little larger, say 4 feet wide and 8 deep. The foundation of one hut was left suspended in thin air.

The new ditch was about 35 feet or more wide, feet deep and lined with a levee. The annual rainfall figure was fine, except it usually arrived in 4 hours :}

They also refused to install solar water heaters on the officers' huts as there was insufficient sun that far south.

[teeteringhead]

Sort of a procurement cockup, but also from FI. When the "quarters" were built at MPA, the first (and biggest) was CBFFI's, although still one of those strange wooden chalets.

Erected by a specialist team from, IIRC, Croydon, it was put up with impressive speed - and a South-facing sun lounge! They were of course meticulous in asking which way South was - without explaining why.

Oh how we laughed ......

[FODPlod]

...queries were raised but the sign was correct and in keeping within the specifications on the drawings which required a sign suitable for the gents toilet...the sign read:

"Suitable for the Gents Toilet"

Reminds me of this:

Daily Mail: 'I am not in the office': How an automated email reply ended up on a Welsh road sign (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259745/Welsh-road-sign-error-Swansea-Councils-office-email-reply-ends-road-sign.html)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/03/22/article-0-08D1DB09000005DC-550_468x363.jpg
Lost in translation: Lorry drivers will make sense of the English
but the Welsh reads: 'I am not in the office at the moment.
Send any work to be translated'

[FODPlod]

Ah, the pitfalls of amibigous language. I remember a specification for an unmanned vehicle that stated something like, "The system should be capable of autonomous OR manual operation." (i.e. not both simultaneously.)

One of the bidders interpreted this as an option and proposed a system that could only be operated manually.

[Wrathmonk]

One of the (older) Leuchars boys may be able to confirm this as truth or myth - when the Officers Mess extension was built in the mid 80's the contract said (words to the effect of) "install television aerial socket in each bedroom". The contractors did just that. However, when the building was handed over it was clear that they hadn't connected said aerial sockets to an aerial as it wasn't listed as a requirement!

They agreed to do so afterwards - at great expense to the MOD as an after-build addition to the contract.:hmm:

[BEagle]

But this surely has to be one of the most amusing cock-ups.....

"Can't have our Nimrods looking like airliners, we need to make them look more aggressive. They shall be repainted!"

"What, ocean grey like the Shacklebombers, sir?"

"No - that's so last century. They shall be painted 'hemp'!"

"Err, what exactly is 'hemp', sir?"

"It's here in the catalogue. Paint ref: 12345678!"

And so many months later, the new paint arrived and the painters set to work......

"Funny colour paint this, Chief?"

"It is indeed, laddie. I shall enquire....!"

"Sir, 'tis about this paint ref: 12345679 wot has ju......"

"Silence! I'm a Squadron Leader and I know about paint!! Just get on with it!"

"It shall be so, sire!"

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a341/nw969/Internet/XV246Flying****e.jpg

"Perhaps it'll change colour when the paint dries, Sir?"

:uhoh:

[oxenos]

And it was known as the chocolate bomber.

[Pontius Navigator]

Or the Akrotiri Officers' Club whose estimate came in so low that it was decided to proceed with the whole project rather than piecemeal as funds became available.

And 'lo the contract went out to a local builder who stupidly said "Isn't the entrance lobby a bit small at only 3 feet?"

Yes, wonders and blunders had produced plans numbered as metres but specified in feet. And there the project sank without trace.

[Daf Hucker]

oxenos

"And it was known as the chocolate bomber."

Only in polite circles :E

[A A Gruntpuddock]

Apologies as not aircraft related, but the only road out of Rosyth dockyard led to traffic problems in the town, so it was decided to put in another one on the west side.

A new lorry park and offices was to be provided so that vehicles could be inspected before entering.

Limited site investigation carried out, so the presence of hundreds of tons of blue asbestos removed from German ships (taken from Scapa to Rosyth for dismantling) not noticed. Site totally closed for weeks whilst it was all bagged and removed by hand at great expense.

"The Man Who Bought A Navy" is worth a read btw.

Fire main 100mm dia laid as per spec, only to be condemned by inspector who said it needed to be 200mm dia. All ripped out and replaced yet again by even larger mains at the insistence of the firemaster.

Contractor repeatedly pointed out that lorry park entrance designed as car park. Had trouble building it because of tight radii. All totally ignored until just before official opening when contractor ordered to completely rebuild it at great expense because lorries could not get in.

Access road was superelevated on a curve but gullies and pipework provided on both sides. Apparently it was considered that the rainwater would be going so fast downhill that it would swerve across the road and go into gullies on the high side!

[ricardian]

RAF Sharjah 1964, new radar being installed, motor generator to be mounted on concrete base with bolts protruding. Works & bricks provided contractor with wooden base on which motor generator was shipped, holes in base lined up exactly with holes on motor generator base. The contractor happily used the wooden base as a template for the concrete base. When the time came to place the motor generator on bolts in the new concrete base it was discovered that the contractor had the wooden template upside down...

[Herod]

Or on the civvy side; when a brand-new terminal was built somewhere in England about twenty years ago. Just before opening day, the users were shown around, so they could admire the wonder of engineering design.

"Where's the domestic terminal?"
"There isn't one; we don't have any domestic flights"
"Err; Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Newcastle" etc. A portacabin was hastily added.

"And this is the aircrew security screening section. All hi-tech and ready to go".
"Err: there isn't any access from it to the actual apron".
Gate installed in the fence the following day.

[teeteringhead]

When the RAF first procured the Wessex Mk 2, the RN were already operating Mk 1s, 3s and 5s - the Mk 2 being very close to the Mk 5. (in them days, there was a rule that if RN and RAF were operating the same type, RN would have odd, and RAF even Mk numbers).

But the RAF were (allegedly) worried by the folding tail on the Mk 5, which meant you could get more in carriers.

"Please Mr Westland, we don't like the idea of folding tails - might be dangerous - please make our Mk 2s without!"

"But Mr RAF, that's the way we make them!!"

"Don't care - please make ours with FIXED tails."

"OK - but it'll cost yer ......"

And so, Best Beloved, the Mk 2s initially arrived without folding tails. Lo and behold, it was then discovered that - had we had folding tails - we could get more in hangars.

"Excuse me Mr Westland, can you please retrofit our Mk 2s with folding tails .... er .... like the Mk 5s."

"OK - but it'll cost yer ......"

So we paid twice for what we could have had for nothing. (never got the big Mk 5 cabin windows though!) :ugh:

[Fareastdriver]

One of the idiosyncrocies of El Adem when it was a RAF base. They had to string a telephone line all they way from Tripoli to the base and where it left the coast road they strung it on the right hand side of the El Adem road.
To save time another team strung it from El Adem as well;---on the right hand side of the road.
That was the reason they crossed the road halfway.