The wierd and annoying habits of Pax!

[Unusual-Attitude]

Seriously...what is it with some of them! It seems to me the moment they go near an aircraft their IQ takes a 50% dive...

From loudly chatting away to their mate whilst you're giving a safety brief, to covertly spewing (or worse!) into and seat-back pocket, (onto the clearly visible and waiting sick-bags...and then not mentioning anything at the other end!) :yuk:

I'm sure everyones got a story...so share it, before I'm compelled to eject the next one overboard into shark/croc infested waters! :E

Freight work never looked so good...:hmm:

[ZappBrannigan]

The business-traveller-in-window-seat "throw two newspapers over the lap of the passenger in the aisle seat into your seat while boarding, then grunt at the nearest flight attendant to collect your jacket without eye contact or a word of thanks" routine. Then push past the knees of the aisle passenger, and bury your head in the Financial Review during the safety demo because "I'm a seasoned flyer and observing the safety demo is beneath me as a corporate giant". Followed by "get up and start removing bags from the overhead locker with 30m of taxi still remaining before the gate, because that's how important I am, and I know the CSM won't ask me to sit down due to the magical "CL ONEWORLD EMERALD" printed on my boarding pass, which entitles me to god-like status and the right to ignore any instructions I so desire".

[Mr. Hat]

Threatening Cabin Crew or other passengers because they make 200k digging holes and didn't finish Yr 12 so effectively the law doesn't apply to them

[empacher48]

The worst I had was a guy who sat beside me in the front of a cessna doing a scenic.

For most of the flight he took his shoes off and proceeded to pick the skin of the soles of his feet and eat it...

[RadioSaigon]

I had a Dr. once that was insistent on the front seat. As soon as we were airborne, he pulled out his broadsheet newspaper and opened it right up with the paper and his arm in my face!!!

He got a bit snippy when I politely enquired how he would feel about me doing the same to him in his operating theatre...

:E

[Falling Leaf]

Another really annoying habit that pax will soon grow out of is paying for tickets to fly around the country on discretionary travel.

Most cabin crew will be relieved to know that they can soon avoid the great traveling unwashed as they will be forced to find employment somewhere else.:ok:

[The Green Goblin]

I swear I could write a book about the black fellas, some of it was so unreal you'd think it was not fair dinkum! :ok: mudslinging, poo jabbing, pant wetting, spitting, spewing, wanking, pissing, stabbing but to name a few.

My pet hate is still the PPL asking to view the weight and balance charts, asking why you're not plotting positions on the map and giving you sound advice on the best 1 in 60 to regain your track :yuk:

[snrub]

oh yeah thats gotta be the best one a PPL or even better a RAA pilot giving a running comentary to the rest of the pax on everything your doing up front. I love how they usually feel compeled to let me know they are a pilot as well everytime!!

[Unusual-Attitude]

Pet hate...Ten seats...all with seat belts neatly fastened and locked around front of seat. Four Pax get in...get to destination...and voila, as if by magic, all seat belts unbuckled, some wrapped around seat frame twenty times and in knots.

I swear, they must wait and as soon as my backs turned...get to work busier santas elves the night before christmas causing this mayhem cos it's quite ingenious how this occurs over a 30 minute leg.

And school charters out to remote regions...briefed/warned not to graffitie the inside of the aircraft...one Einstein in the making, (who's name I had on the manifest) decided to not only date, but also print their name next to where they were sitting in black marker.

When questioned on arrival why he'd done this after being expressly asked not to...with eyes wide, denied, all knowledge...again...Genius! :ouch:

[ucrit]

pax who demand to be served non-stop pressing the call light even before touch down, asked for b***y tea..:{

[tipsy2]

annoying habits of Pax

Breathing:ok:

[Mere Mortal]

Another pet hate when the pax is some aeroclub PPL/RAA dude.

Question 1. Can I log it?
Question 2. I'm also a pilot, can I have a fly?


MM

[j3pipercub]

Yeah love the secret spewers. My record is 6 in a caravan, and some of those were the island workers, was like a chain reaction thoughm

Had a PPL once who asked me if he could sit up the front, luckily I managed to hit the isolate button before he clued on. He did also ask to see my w+b, I replied that when he gets his CPL and that little CASA FOI badge, then he could be the protector of the galaxy, not before. Surprisingly, he got quite miffed.

My personal favourite however was the guy who arrived t checkin late and started to abuse the person doing checkin as they wouldn't let him on with 15 extra kilos of baggage. Started to get threatening, that changed when he found out that the checkin guy was also the pilot that day, and he just got bumped for being a danger to the flight. Awwww, too bad.

j3

[ResumeOwnNav]

Pax who when exiting aircraft leave massive amounts of rubbish over the seats and floor. Scrunched up paper used to plug ears and those ear cleaning things!? Remove the sick bags, spit in them, through them all over the ground. Spit on the windows!?

Going to the bathroom in their seat is always a favourite.

Pax who have gone fishing/rolled in dead fish before boarding aircraft. There is nothing like the smell of rotten fish and BO in a C210!

Front right seat pax who decides to move seat all the forward making it awkward to adjust engine controls and cowl flaps. (any remote pilot will understand)

Gotta love remote life!

As said above the expert PPL holders are always good for a laugh.

And what is with remote teachers thinking they are God!?

[mcgrath50]

RON,

I think you will find that's all teachers :P

[SystemsAreGo]

The passengers who step on the 'NO STEP' sign.. fabric wings don't hold up big indians very well :ooh:

[sms777]

I had a pax once demanding to sit next to me up front. He was a bikie, 6 feet 4 inches weighing 130 kilos and tough as hell. I did not mind until he decided to discard all his breakfast over the instrument panel and my right arm on short final. O.K......i was cool. Then he was the first one to jump and run to the exit after i parked virtually kicking the door open before i could stop him.
He dropped it on the cables bending the entire door.
That did it..... :mad:
I made him mop up his mess in front of his amused mates but i had to pay for the cabin door repair :ugh:

[206greaser]

Anyone who has flown up north has probably had the same fun experiences as me. Let me share a few for your amusement.

PAX who grind their teeth whilst sitting in the right seat! OMG it makes me wish the X11's weren't so quite! I don't know why but it just kills me.

I had a lady pick nits out of her hair, and then squash them on my freshly cleaned window for the whole flight! Charming.

After spending all morning sweating your A off cleaning your a/c inside and out then to have some jerk decide that your clean windows would make the perfect canvas for his ear wax art!!! Delightful.

Arriving at your destination with a three day old rotting corpse. The stench was so bad that I had to taxi with my head out the window! Where the F are the folks who are supposed to pick it up? Who knows!! 2 hours later someone decides that they can now be bothered to come and pick it up! Fun.

Anyway rant over. The majority of PAX are well informed, courteous...sorry no seriously the rant is now over.

Cheers,
Greaser.

[ZK-NSN]

All sounds painfully familiar. God bless the lockable cockpit door.

[Unusual-Attitude]

People, (but generally young adolescent girls), screaming like stuck pigs at the least little bump...particularly on short final at the end of a 15 sector day...

And the ear plug thing...no matter how bluntly i put it, like 'the ear plugs are complementary....PLEASE feel free to take them with you', i always will find them stuffed down the seat backs...along with chewed gum, nut husks, nappies etc.

I did nearly get my revenge a while ago however. As i handed out ear plugs, i told the assembled pax to 'take one now with water and you'll loose your hearing for about 45 minutes...if your hearing comes back before we reach our destination, just take the other'...I said this dead- pan, straight faced. There was a slight pregnant pause before one of them asked me if I had some water she could take with her ear plug...it was tempting...:E

[The Green Goblin]

So do you want to be a commercial pilot one day?

Do you want to fly the big ones?

These things fly themselves, that was a good autoland (C210)

Puck you pahlot, it's cause you White, you is racist, dis my country, you stole it from me. Eh pahlet dats my sky, you take me to my sky and I pay you next time. Puck you cant.

[ZappBrannigan]

So do you want to be a commercial pilot one day?Oh yes, this never gets old...

[Chadzat]

Worst one I have had is a passenger decided to give themselves a manicure and a pedicure on the last 30min RPT sector I was flying. When I went to give the floor a vacuum at the end of a long day, I had the joy to find a full set of toe nails and a full set of fingernail clippings on the floor of one of the seats!!

Charming......

Plus I have had most of the "up north" experiences. Including a bloke who decided that he couldn't hold the sneeze in long enough to turn AWAY from my face when I was giving a briefing in a 210. Quite possibly the most "yuck" experience I have ever had. Amazingly I didn't get sick in the weeks following!! :hmm:

[Xcel]

Stepping on your seatbelt as they stretch their legs behind you.. of course tightening your seatbelt as it catches, making it so tight you think you've suddenly become a qaudraplegic...

a (pilot) passenger carrying a transceiver up the back decides to give me some mystery traffic in imc... was quite funny after i landed...

someone walking down the aisle pissing in a sick bag and then leaning it against the seat rail hoping it wouldnt tip over...

Dingo baiting always got extra bait.. one guy tried to spew in the bucket with the baits instead of down the tube only to try and tip the bucket out the open rear door... needless to say after 2 hours of flying it was fairly sunbaked and stuck well to the elevator and rudder...

passenger sitting at the rear door locked the seatbelt in the door and hiding very well i might add the fact that he had no seatbelt on... only to get airborne hear a strange noise returning to land to find a ring of no paint from the metal clasp slapping the fuselage...

Passenger refused entry to aircraft went quitely home grabbed a bush knife and returned to chase the pilot around the aircraft until help arrived...

Back when i was throwing bags... a "pilot" actually sticking the metro on autopilot walking back through the aircraft climbing over newspapers to the rear undoing the nets as he went.. does number 2's on the newspapers wipes his ass returns to cockpit only for us to open the cargo door to a fresh steamer...:yuk:

[gettin' there]

12-15 year old annoying little brat trying to do chin ups on the wing. Mum says "dear i dont think the nice pilot will appreciate that" You're god damn right lady!!!:mad:

Yeah the "so do you want to be a commercial pilot and fly for QANTAS one day?" never gets old :)

[HEALY]

Had a guy p##s in an drink esky before during a flight, all over the cans....then proceeded to drink them before spewing his guts up with 2 hours left to go.

A guy smuggled a small champers bottle on board...proposed to his missus then opened it causing me to s##t myself (well almost)

(funny one) scenic flight for a couple who were getting a divorce and were spending there last night together (he had done the dirty!!! apparently). Not exactly a pleasant trip.

Did a TIF many years ago with a muslim lady who was wearing full face cover. 40 degrees and middle of the day....spewed on short finals.

Thankfully only have to hear these stories as hear say from CA's on the trips.

[Mr.Buzzy]

I reckon our PM would have to be the worst of the lot! Playing up like a second hand ute!

Seriously..... Who the hell does the nancy handed poonce think he is fooling?
Worker?.....my ar@e..... wouldn't know a screwdriver from a fake email.

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Old Fella]

Army General being driven back to camp by female driver. Vehicle suffers a flat tyre. Driver out endeavouring to remove the hub cap on the wheel with the flat tyre was having difficulty getting cap off. General looks out and sees she is struggling and asks "Would you like a screwdriver"? Driver replies, "Not until I get this bloody flat changed Sir".

[VH-UFO]

Threatening Cabin Crew or other passengers because they make 200k digging holes and didn't finish Yr 12 so effectively the law doesn't apply to them

And i hate people who stereotype a particular occupation. You know, for example that all pilots are 'up themselves' w@nkers who wear big sunglasses, big watches and whinge all day.

But i know that all pilots aren't like that because some of them are good mates of mine, the same as all miners dont make 200k, are law abiding citizens and have completed year 12.:ugh:

Sh!t, thats me!

[Worrals in the wilds]

A question for the learned members of this forum...

I'm familiar with the entry requirements of the Mile High Club (and the 6.5 Metre Club:E) but I'm still confused as to how a pax / paxes managed to get footprints on the ceiling of a 777 toilet. Despite the enthusiastic efforts of various LAMEs, cleaners and caterers no one could replicate the manouvre with the door shut. Any ideas?

Pax who covertly consume their own body weight in duty free vodka during the flight and then need to have a little spew/nap/coma on arrival. I'm sure they're even more fun in the air. Also, I've always been amazed at how much rubbish people can produce in a few hours. Some aircraft arrive looking like people have been living in them for a month.

[twiggs]

A question for the learned members of this forum...

I'm familiar with the entry requirements of the Mile High Club (and the 6.5 Metre Club:E) but I'm still confused as to how a pax / paxes managed to get footprints on the ceiling of a 777 toilet. Despite the enthusiastic efforts of various LAMEs, cleaners and caterers no one could replicate the manouvre with the door shut. Any ideas?

If the footprints are shoe prints then they just did them by hand, ie their shoes were on their hands not their feet.
If you literally mean bare footprints, then I have no idea either unless they were imprinted using something other than actual feet.

[ksa5223]

People grabbing your sick bags to wave to people in the below community despite the fact we are now passing 4000'. Once had my flight plan taken from my lap and used as a waving device. LOL

[PlankBlender]

Back when i was throwing bags... a "pilot" actually sticking the metro on autopilot walking back through the aircraft climbing over newspapers to the rear undoing the nets as he went.. does number 2's on the newspapers wipes his ass returns to cockpit only for us to open the cargo door to a fresh steamer...

I laughed so hard picturing this one I almost cried, GOLD, keep em coming! :}:}

[Bullethead]

but I'm still confused as to how a pax / paxes managed to get footprints on the ceiling

Back in the mid 80s there was a female bum print on the ceiling of the crewroom in the Westin Plaza Hotel in Singapore. Probably not a pax though I think she had help. :}

Rgards,
BH.

[Captain Nomad]

Passengers, sans clothes, dressed in 'ass grass' and some tatty undergarment. When required to caugh up an airfare they dig into their groin, revealing pubic hair, and lick their fingers and count out some kina notes for you...! (PNG - no kidding) :}

I'd like to hear if there are any Virgin/Jetstart type pilots who still get the, "so do you want to be a commercial pilot/fly for Qantas one day?" It seems Qantas pilots are the only REAL commercial pilots in this country didn't you know? :rolleyes:

The misunderstanding by some that you are "building your hours up" even when you are flying in a pinnacle job that required a pack of hours to get into...! :ugh:

[fritzandsauce]

I was on a Rex flight and a lady boarded then started panicing becasue she left something in the terminal, one of the groundies escorted her back in the terminal and she collected her item ... it was a empty garbage bag, she brought with her to put on the seat she was sitting on, there were quite a few chuckles from her follow passengers!

[ResumeOwnNav]

People grabbing your sick bags to wave to people in the below community despite the fact we are now passing 4000'

bahaha ksa5223, god this annoys me. I removed all my sick bags and keep them up the front now. This was after I realised how my windows had become all scratched. I guess if you are somewhat tanned other people can't see you wave from inside a dark aircraft.

[Towering Q]

I remember some clown sitting behind me in a 310, on short final at night, leaning forward between the seats and taking a photo of the runway lights.

Nothing like a flash going off in the cabin to destroy your night vision and concentration.:eek:

[ZappBrannigan]

I remember some clown sitting behind me in a 310, on short final at night, leaning forward between the seats and taking a photo of the runway lights.

Nothing like a flash going off in the cabin to destroy your night vision and concentration.I almost did this on the jumpseat of a 737 on short final to 16 at ML. My brain switched on about 2 seconds before I hit the button. I still grimace at the thought of that flash potentially going off at 300 AGL.

[Chadzat]

Forgot about the obligatory camera flashes coming down final- its a dazzling way to end your flight thats for sure!!

A sharp scowling look behind you is usually enough to get the cameras all put away after that!

[j3pipercub]

Ha, yes Chaz, had the same thing, with a bunch of Search and Rescue spotter clowns on a positioning flight from Cooly to Maroochy. Numpty #1 tried to take a photo on takeoff, sitting right hand seat. All he got was the reflection of the flash off the windscreen

After that experience I swore that if I was ever going on a long distance yacht trip or a flight through a remote area I was going to buy a gun to blow my brains out as those amatuer tools wouldn't be able to find Fraser Island at 500 feet overhead with a pair of binos.

j3

[ZK-NSN]

Remember hearing a story from one of the boys about trying to fly an ILS with a dog licking the back of his neck. The dogs owner (who made no attempt to stop it) thought it was a great laugh, that is until they got on the ground and he got a rocket from the pilot.

[The Green Goblin]

Remember hearing a story from one of the boys about trying to fly an ILS with a dog licking the back of his neck.

At least it wasn't humping him, but I suppose the pilot has no one to blame but himself for this one. Last time I checked a dog is required to be kept in a cage on a moisture absorbent mat in a compartment separate to that of the punters :)

[I spy]

Sounds to me like a lot of these "human" todgers should be treated the same way!! :ugh:

[Unusual-Attitude]

After reading some of these, sounds more like the punters themselves should bekept in a cage on a moisture absorbent mat in a compartment separate to that of the......crew. :E

beat me to the punch i spy.:ok:

[mickk]

There is nothing worse than a "family" traveling for the first time on a package deal. The harder they had to save the worse they are. Feral red cordial ADHD kids who should be in a pet cage in the hold. Mum half tanked on pre flight cask wine. Dad fully tanked enjoying watching his feral brood kicking seat backs, grabbing head rests, pushing buttons, wailing and moaning until he kicks them into the aisle where they proceed to run laps and insist on going to the toilet. Throw themselves on the floor and scream the ******* house down until some poor bastard has the job of dragging mum away from her cardonay to retrieve it from the floor.

Then follows 30 more minutes of seat kicking and squirming. As soon as the medication kicks in and they pass out, Dad now wants to engage passengers in loud conversation, louder mobile phone and worst of all, makes jokes about cabin crew that are 40 years old.

Mum is now dribbling and wants a cigie.

Rats now wake up and all want food.

[Lasiorhinus]

At least it wasn't humping him, but I suppose the pilot has no one to blame but himself for this one. Last time I checked a dog is required to be kept in a cage on a moisture absorbent mat in a compartment separate to that of the punters :)

Almost.... it must be kept in a carrying cage in the cargo compartment, or on a moisture absorbent mat in the passenger compartment.


But the moisture absorbent mat in the SLF cabin is only for seeing-eye dogs, and hearing-ear dogs.

[ZK-NSN]

but I suppose the pilot has no one to blame but himself for this one. Last time I checked a dog is required to be kept in a cage on a moisture absorbent mat in a compartment separate to that of the punters

In an ideal world yes, but in a full Islander? good f@cking luck dude. Had 2 onboard so 1 had to be at the front and the other at the back. Sad things is the dogs were usually better behaved than the owner. Dirty stinking ferral hippies, worse than German tourists.

[The Green Goblin]

So you'd fly over weight and VFR in IMC?

The rules are written in blood precisely for the reason you described :eek:

[AnyGivenSunday99]

Find another thread to talk about the rules.

I was rather enjoying reading the lighter side of things...:}

[am765]

I had a gfpt (student with passenger privileges), sitting in the back for a charter, spend 10 minutes reading me the weather report for the area about 1000 miles north of our position.

If I had the appropriate wac on me I would have chucked it in the back and asked him to mark the weather for me and analyze how it could effect us. As it was I pressed that wonderful isolate button.

[kiwi chick]

Most of my passengers have been a dream, but the odd one or two - that I really REALLY f:mad:n hate are:

* The 100-hour pilots who give you "advice", or

* The "yeah, I've logged heaps of hours on FlightSim so I know exactly what you're doing - shouldn't you be extending flap sometime soon?" pax.

:ugh: :ugh:

[Towering Q]

What is it with passengers and light aircraft doors? The majority slam then shut like a HQ Ute door.

It was particularly bad in the 210. A couple of times I checked the latch mechanism at the end of a flight to make sure it was still servicable.

Maybe they think the harder they slam it, the less likely it is to pop open in flight.

[RadioSaigon]

Maybe they think the harder they slam it, the less likely it is to pop open in flight...

I'm pretty sure that that is pretty much their reasoning, yeah... I find it's best to let them (pax) know in absolutely no uncertain terms that the only time they manipulate any controls/latches/mechanisms in my aircraft is in the clear event of an immediate emergency and never otherwise. Make sure they are aware of the fact of their status aboard being that of Self Loading Freight -no more ( a little subtly of course :E) and that the pilot alone will open and/or close all aircraft doors as & when necessary.

[SIUYA]

Make sure they [SLF] are aware ... that the pilot alone will open and/or close all aircraft doors as & when necessary.

Guess you never flew Islanders in PNG then RadioSaigon? :}

[RadioSaigon]

Nope not in PNG (thinking about it tho) but that's an interesting point... I guess the natives can be a little unruly. Have had the dubious pleasure of muppetts from damn near every other corner of the world though :}

[SIUYA]

Radio Saigon........

Re PNG, 'go for it'. It was the best GA flying that I was lucky enough to do before moving onto bigger 'things'. Sure, I scared myself sh1tless at times, but I learned a lot in the process.

[Unusual-Attitude]

Not a pax, but one old highland fella nearly came to grief on my left prop in a Bongo once, when he walked up between the fuse and engine to knock on my window just as I was about to hit the starter.

Just caught him out the corner of my eye. Woulda been a proper mess to clean up! (Especially as I had the storm window open...:yuk:)

[sixtiesrelic]

ooh Unusual Attitude, then there'd have been payback and the next bloke in would have been IT unless you were silly enough to decide the engine needed a bulk strip before the next flight. But then YOU'd have been the whitey with the axe in the head.
As for the Flt sim EXPERTS. I have an acquaintnce who is nearly the world champ Flt simmer as well as all the other aeroplane sim games.
Man CAN he fly.
Offered to get him a ride in a real aeroplane and have a fly with the idea that the first time his bum left the seat or his cheeks touched his collar bones he'd realize there's a mite more to it than jamming joysticks to the stops.
Knocked the offer back. "Oh! no! I'd get airsick if I went up in a plane ... I get vertigo very easily."
There continues an ace who reckons flyin's easy.

[ZappBrannigan]

Not a pax, but one old highland fella nearly came to grief on my left prop in a Bongo once, when he walked up between the fuse and engine to knock on my window just as I was about to hit the starter.Got a shudder thinking about that, it's my personal GA nightmare - probably cause it's easy to do in the high-wing twins, even with a good lookout, if the person approaching from the rear loses their head (so to speak).

[UnderneathTheRadar]

Was on a kero-burner today and the row behind me had the mouth-open, dribbling, snort/snore/snort guy going MEL-BNE and next to him was a woman uttering Jesus Christ and Bloody Hell every 10 seconds. Wasn't sure who was more annoying!

Made me wonder though - at what, if any, point would cabin crew step in for the case of a very loud snorer?

UTR

[Captain Nomad]

U/A and Zapp, just last year that happened in PNG... Engine was already idling. Head went one way and body the other. One very shocked pilot and onlookers... Engine didn't miss a beat. :\

[Xcel]

U/A and Zapp, just last year that happened in PNG... Engine was already idling. Head went one way and body the other. One very shocked pilot and onlookers... Engine didn't miss a beat.

the bloke was a long long... and the pilot was actually a local from that very village with a prominent father... so at least there was no payback...

that is if this is the incident your talking about.. i wouldnt try and say it was the first or last instance though...

[PyroTek]

This is where signs that say "A moving prop is invisible" come into effect. such as at Kingaroy inside the "terminal building":ok:

[Captain Nomad]

i wouldnt try and say it was the first or last instance though...

Not at all. Just pointing out that it does happen... Certainly not the first and probably not the last unfortunately...

Deaf people around aeroplanes/airstrips is not a good combination either...

[Gear-down]

This is a rotary story... was doing "scenic flights" building some hours and had a very large woman (I think) wanting to go for a fly. I asked her to wait a while - my intention to use up more fuel before taking her up.

Her time came, we lifted off - just... manifold pressure right up there and we slowly limped into the sky.

Upon returning, I found that I could not lower the collective! Upon further investigation I discovered her copious amounts of extra body had rolled under the collective. However hard I tried pushing it out the way, I could not get it to stay away. She then abused me for "touching her up." :ugh:

I had to abort the approach and explain that she sit a little more out the door to allow me to use the flight controls - as she shuffled her bulk away from the collective, I discovered the amazing effects of shifting weight and balance!!! :eek:

Small aircraft and huge people should be kept apart!

[gutso-blundo]

I guess they're only considered pax for the first half of the trip, but it used to annoy the hell out of me they way meatbombs would continually find new and creative ways to leave the aircraft, quite often making it uncontrollable until they dropped off.
I've had four of the buggers decide it would be a great idea to monkey-climb their way up the strut and hang like apes off the wing. Their aim was to all make it to the end, and while the 182 aileron authority is well enough for most circumstances, it just isn't cut out for that kind of weight out wide... What really got my goat up was the fact they wouldn't let go until after the first rotation...
Another genius decided it would be a great way to depart by hanging under the strut with his feet on the step, head forward. When I got back on the ground and shut down I got myself into the same position - I swear his head was less than half a foot from the prop when he dropped, completely oblivious. :rolleyes:

[kiwi chick]

hanging under the strut with his feet on the step, head forward.

That's how we all did it when I did my static line jumps from a 182 - is there another way?? :confused:

[tred]

Since we are on the topic of meatbombing, you think taking out the passenger yoke would be safe....flying a C172 for a tandem outfit this punter as he was heaved out the door by the tandem master decided that he would grab anything right hand goes against the door frame and left hand grabs MY yoke and pulls like the almighty - just about ripped the wings off pulling about 90g upwards. Had to punch his hand about 5 times before he let go and then I was able to push forward, roll right and jam in right rudder and they were gone out the door!! Aircraft had to get checked when I got back down...

[j3pipercub]

I could be wrong tred, happy to be corrected, but I thought in side exit a/c like C172 and 182's the RH yoke HAD to be removed for afore-mentioned reason... you were very lucky. Got a lotto ticket this week? :)

j3

[I wish]

KC, static is facing fwd hanging onto the strut, this guy was facing back/up hanging from the strut.

[Atlas Shrugged]

Upon further investigation I discovered her copious amounts of extra body had rolled under the collective.

Well, that mental image just livened up my day! :eek:

[D-J]

I could be wrong tred, happy to be corrected, but I thought in side exit a/c like C172 and 182's the RH yoke HAD to be removed for afore-mentioned reason... you were very lucky. Got a lotto ticket this week?

j3

yeah your right, the RHS yoke is removed on the 172/182 & similar a/c, but as you'd know it's doesn't take much to reach over & grab the left yoke. In the 182 we're constantly being hit by rigs & having to fight against the weight of jumper leaning on the yoke as they try to squeeze out the tall & fat pax out the door

[TSIO540]

I had a student once who was feeling sick. He tried his best to hold it in but eventually had to let it out so he grabbed the first sick bag and opened it up. After a minute or so of the most enthusiastic heaving I've seen, we discovered that the god-awful smell and liquid mess on his lap was vomit appearing through the other 'opened' end of the sick bag. Some other 'helpful' student had previously opened it at the wrong end.:ok: The smell was bad enough that I had to open the canopy for the rest of the journey....

I also had another student long ago who was the cockiest SOB I'd ever come across. During a group pre-flight briefing he continued to make smart arse comments in an effort to shake me up. I soon fixed the situation by putting the aircraft into a spin during which he screamed like a girl and cried the whole way home... we had a solid understanding after that.:E


And the best for last....

I had another arrogant middle eastern student on a military flight training course. During the lesson he proceeded to impress the mates in the back seat that he'd been bullying by proclaiming that the lesson on steep turns was boring and that I should take him home.:bored: I agreed, but after one last turn...:E I briefed him on keeping blood to the brain and to prepare for the G force.... As I rolled in he leaned forward and face planted unconscious on the control column... I nearly lost control cause I was laughing so hard....:} as I eased off the G he regained consciousness to hear his mates laughing at him. He made me promise not to tell anyone when we got back... I again agreed... but his mates told everyone in about a minute:ok:

[tred]

I could be wrong tred, happy to be corrected, but I thought in side exit a/c like C172 and 182's the RH yoke HAD to be removed for afore-mentioned reason... you were very lucky. Got a lotto ticket this week? http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/smile.gif

j3

It was removed, maybe I didn't explain it so well but I was implying that with the pax yoke removed you would think that that I wouldn't have encountered what I did.

I get lotto everyweek but I'm still working!!

[Aye Ess]

One night many moons ago on a flight Townsville to Mackay in a Twin Otter. A bloke comes up to the flight deck asking where the toilet was. But there aint one & we still have 25mins to go. He then sits in row 1 unzips his fly & wees on the floor. I quickly raise my nav bag,radioed ahead for a cleaner with mop & bucket. Proceeded to fly the approach as shallow as possible with slow deceleration after landing lest the horrid human waste water flowed forward.....much like running while holding a plate of marbles.

[the wizard of auz]

I must be less tolerant than you, as immediately after landing, I would have grabbed the clown by the back of the neck and proceeded to mop the floor with his head. :suspect:

[Bla Bla Bla]

Yep after working in Africa, pretty much every thing apart from the parachute yoke incident.

Had a french women pull hard back on the yoke in a C206 coming out of one of the worse strips we used, I was very heavy and it was a standard above 40 degrees C day. I shouted for her to ' get your f@#$ing hands off and managed to sort it out.

Also had an Afrikaans woman piss on one of the seats.

PPL guy seems to get every where hey.

" Hey buddy you got two pilots on this plane"

" Oh really who do you fly for?"

" I'm a ppl"

" Well you are a pilot when you work for someone, until then you are a hobbyist".

Freight runs are so much better.

[PyroTek]

i would have mopped the floor with his head, strapped a parachute to him and told him he was walking the rest. :}

[The Green Goblin]

I had one piss in a sick bag and try and offload it to me as he exited the aeroplane.

I asked him if he wanted me to wipe his bum too?

[Stationair8]

In the later half of 1989, was loading up a group of passengers and one of the old blokes started going on about the pilot's dispute. I tried to ignore him for as long as possible, and then his mate started about what a cushy job it was being a fly boy, and it really wasn't a proper job and what a great bloke Bob was for sticking up the pilots blah blah. We are just about to start up and the angry old chap starts up again with rantings about what a pack of c%%%'s pilots were etc, when his wife lean's forward and smack's him over the head and say's "something about this bloke is responsible for our lives for the next 45 mins so shut your mouth!"

[Unusual-Attitude]

Gatorade refill bottle...perfect, (if you're normally proportioned and don't expell the equivalent of a thoroughbred race horse!)

You can actually get (in)'convienience' bottles specifically for the purpose.

The one designed for the ladies kinda looks like our emergency oxy masks, probably wouldn't be good to get the two confused...(unless your into that kind of thing of course!) :E

[PlankBlender]

TSIO540, gold! ROFL! :ok::ok::ok:

[PA39]

This guy booked a Chieftain for HIMSELF and insisted that he only and sat in the back row (strange). All was good until we went IMC and he raced up the front and started abusing me for entering cloud. i looked at him and man he was a lather of sweat. I SCREAMED at him to f*****g sit down and shut up or we would both be killed. I grabbed him and threw him into row 2.....meanwhile drifting wildly off course and altitude (a/p U/s). When we arrived at the destination after breaking visual halfway through an NDB he told me he would be back at 5pm. He returned and it was raining. I "briefed" him on his previous behaviour and he said he was now ok and he trusted me. He read the newspaper on the way home and never said a word. After one hell of a trip back in the dark in IMC and TS we bounced our way onto the destination rwy and parked the aircraft. He came forward and handed me a blank cheque and said thank you for being understanding,and he would call me. I flew that guy all over Australia for years after...and he ALWAYS handed me a blank cheque. He told me that he once had a non Instrument rated pilot fly him into IMC and the guy lost the aircraft, went inverted but broke out of cloud in time to count the leaves on the trees below. He was petrified up to and including the day i met him. I am lucky to be able to share my story with you people.BTW he was a leading bookmaker.

[Tiger 77]

and he ALWAYS handed me a blank cheque

Hey Pa39, what did u do with the blank cheque's?

[The Green Goblin]

Got to love a spewer :cool:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xTlehCXjTbo&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xTlehCXjTbo&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[kingRB]

bahahahahahhahahah



imagine the smell

[j3pipercub]

aww gotta love the look on the girl on the rights face when she sees the vomit geysering everywhere. Hope the d!ckhead pushing neggies in a 172 gets his ar5e seriously kicked.

j3

[M14_P]

PA39, amazing story, good job on getting the guy to become comfortable with IMC conds.

[Unusual-Attitude]

Used to fly the islands of the Torres Straits, and every now and again, pull the short straw and have to take the kids either to or from their home islands to Horn or vice verca at the begining or end of the school holidays.

It was always a pain in the arse with them acting up, shouting, punching each other, climbing over seats, chucking crap around, scrawling in black marker over everything and wot not, but one tip from a previous pilot was gold.

Just head for the nearest 'bubbly' looking cloud, punch into it, and a couple of bumps later, hey presto...look back and they're all hugging their pillows, eyes tight shut like sleeping mice! And not a peep out of them till at the other end. It was magical! Playing possum I guess?!

Kinda the polar reverse of our nervous friend above, but worked in our favour! :E

Strangely, never had a single one spew...they must be used to bobbing around in dinghies in force 9 gales i spose!?

[huntsman]

Re: the "hot chick" Video,
looking at the response of the pilot,
typical young bloke - and that's why we avoid employing them!

[Wyle E Coyote]

if you're unpressurised, fly high. It knocks them all out and you get a peaceful trip. 15-16000 works quite well - but you only really get away with it in countries where the rules are seen more as guidelines.

One of our guys ended up at 19000 trying to shut them up.

Watch out for bags of chips though, they go with a good bang up there - which may require an underpant change on landing if you're not expecting it.

[Aerozepplin]

I had a big bag of chips a mate had brought along go at 8500ft, scared the **** out of me. Took a run of trouble checks and a look around the cabin to figure out the engine wasn't about to cough up steel..

[Aye Ess]

After the trouble with the aerial urinater (see #78 above),the company equipped the captains with wee-wee bags (for the uninitiated,they are a thick rubbery bag with highly absorbent material inside & a twisty tie top,available in any pilot supply shop)...anyhoo,a few months later,same Friday night flight,bloke comes to the flight deck,busting for a wee. I handed him the bag,gave him a verbal endorsement on it's use. The a/c was chockers with pax,so he had to stand between the pilots & do his filthy business,ewww,the warm bag kept touching my arm. I then handed him a sick bag to hide the evidence & told him to chuck it in a bin on arrival.....

[frigatebird]

A friend of mine was just taking off from a remote strip in a Queenair, not many passengers, but one was a Catholic priest who sat in the seat behind him. Just after rotation as he was tucking the gear away, this bell went off. "Holy Cow - fire bell - which engine? - wait a minute, things are looking normal, -what the..?" Then the priest became very apologetic. Turned out he had an alarm clock. The old wind up type with the big loud alarm, in the handluggage. Sounded just like the one in the aircraft. Scared the Hell out of my mate.

[AussieNick]

lol you couldn't time that as a practical joke any better!

[frigatebird]

Post script to the above. Peter took himself off to the U.K. with his Senior Com. to convert it to a British ATP. Ran out of money by the time he had a Comm. (perhaps with Instrument Rating), so got a job on a 206 flying for a French construction company working in the Upper Nile/ Southern Sudan. Landed at a strip with an engineer one day and was shot by the Christian rebels. Hear the engineer was later released. Very sad. Just before that I had borrowed his Volkswagen to run around Melbourne while I was doing my Senior Comm subjects while on leave, and I heard about it later. Became good friends with his brother who helped sell to the government the P150 patrol boat that arrested the Jeanette Diana for poaching. For that interesting story see "Embargo - The Jeanette Diana Affair" by A.M.Kengalu.