Marriage Breakdown and life in the Block

[Comp Charlie]

As yet another statistic in todays modern military I speak as someone whose marriage has ended.

After 10 years living out in both rented places and unfurnished FMQ's I have obviously accumulated a lot of stuff.

However, I am under the impression (and hopefully someone can tell me if I'm wrong) that now I have been forced back into SLA I can expect to receive zero help whatsover in terms of Service provided storage for my worldly goods, or even a few quid to hire a van to transport my stuff anywhere.

I cannot afford to even look in a property paper down here (West London) and get moved along when staring glass-eyed through estate agents windows so my hand has been forced on this issue.

The room I have been offered in the Barrack Block is, not to put to fine a point on it, disgraceful. The fact it is in the same block I lived in 15 years ago is also screwing with my mind a little.

I'm not prepared to become a welfare case and go crying to anyone, but if the military could offer free storage just until I get my life in order and back on my feet, I think it would go a long way to keeping my morale up, therefore making me more useful in my primary duties.

I know I am not the only person in this position and this isn't so much a whinge or a cry for sympathy (from you lot? Yeah right!!) but more a plea to the 'man' to look after those of us (and there ARE a lot) that have to give everything up.

I appreciate if I was in a 'normal' job it would be daft to expect my employer to assist, but I'm sure the military has an abundance of spare space in any number of storage depots that could be utilised by people like me.

Maybe there is...and I just don't know about it, and that info doesn't get offered by our HR staff...

The pisser for me personally is that I have been selected for promotion to SNCO but as yet have no date (New Year is all I've been told) and the Sgts Mess accomodation on my particular unit is a million percent better than the hovel I am going to move into!

Is there any system in place whereby although not physically wearing the rank yet, there would be a possibility of moving into the Mess 'early' or would I just be embarrassing myself and the PMC if I even suggested it?

Would appreciate any advice - don't bother with 'toughen up and deal with it' as I can assure you I am more than capable of that, and of the self help, and taking the hit in my wallet, I just feel that its perhaps an area of duty of care that could be looked at a little.

CC

[Antique Driver]

Speak to PMA to find out your productive date of SNCO service, write a nice letter to CMC and Mess Manager and get yourself on the room list. May help with some of your storage and accommodation problems.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

[polomint]

Comp,

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you have been left in this situation:( but I'll offer as much as I can, as I'm sure others will.

Firstly, moving into the mess early would be a no no as far as I'm aware, even though, as you say the accomodation is much much better. However, if the mess manager is approachable, tell him when you expect to come off the board, and some sketchy details of your circumstances and he may be able to give you a garage long term if available (we use our garages for storage) or see if he has a storage room for inventory and could you possibly use it as a stop gap amount of time and bung him a case of beer for his troubles.

If that is unsuccessful the only other thing I could suggest is to box it all up and ask supply to look after it which I believe they should be able to do.

As far as any other help being offered, I think you are correct in your analysis that you won't get an awful lot, sadly. But maybe someone else can be far more helpful than me!

Good Luck Mate,

Polo:ok:

[Vim_Fuego]

I know you said you didn't want to go down the welfare route however if your location is still correct then the 'in house' SSAFA people at Uxbridge are very good and did have a good working relationship with DHE there.

Go see them...they're a nice bunch and maybe they can negotiate a garage for a while. The accomodation problem you might be stuck with until the rank tabs are firmly on your shoulder. For something like this it would be more a case of asking a mate for some help for a while rather than welfare issue and they wouldn't make a big deal out of it...Promise!

[beefybayonet]

Depending on what the SFA situation is in the area, you might be able to apply for a surplus quarter through DHE. You pay the same rent, however if DHE needs the quarter back for a family, you'll need to vacate. I've known a couple of people who've occupied surplus quarters and none of them have ever had to vacate early.

You'll definately need the support of your CoC, i.e. a short letter from your Boss to DHE supporting your application.

[matkat]

Beefy check Your PMs please.

[Comp Charlie]

A friend of mine in a similar situation investigated the possibility of a Surplus FQ for him and his family but if I remember rightly the cost of it was pretty high compared to renting privately. Not sure I can remember the ins and outs of it, but I believe he found it cost-preventative.

The way I am getting my head round the whole situation is that I am thinking of the whole situation as like going on Det - living in sub-standard squalor for a temporary period of time foregoing having nice things around me.

Might even go the whole hog and ask Harry Staish if I can pitch a 12x12 on the sports field and wash my clothes in a bucket!!

Thanks for the advice guys, any more would be appreciated just so I can rest easy that I've exhausted all avenues of possibility.

CC

[cooheed]

I had a surplus MQ as a singlie a few years back. I was only ever charged the going rate for rent and reduced council tax for single occupancy.

[c17age]

Mate,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I went through it a few years back. Don't think being a SNCO will make things better. Firstly there are no garages available to SNCOs (at least not at my unit- and thats the big one in carterton!) So you have to make do with storage rooms and no help from the mess or the SWO. I personally think this is a disgrace as singly airmen have access to garages and having earned the higher rank, the perks have dissapeared with it. Sorry to rant but it sucks. Especially as like you I had years worth of stuff. Bite the bullet and store it in a warehouse or get a garage if you can and don't let go! Good luck fella

[Comp Charlie]

Thanks mate. I think I know who you are judging by your username!! Big 4x4?

CC

[D-IFF_ident]

Charlie, Got any kids? If so then try to get a shared residence agreement, or at least some form of contact agreemnt and then get your marital cat changed to cat 3(?) - you are then entitled to a quarter for when kids visit.

As an aside - I've realized how the air force plans to survive with 41k people into the next decade: It will be populated by divorced men who are tied to BSA/the CSA/alimony and have given-up on relationships, choosing, instead to spend all their time at work. Good luck fella!

[globetrotter101]

Charlie, check with DHE, Im single and at my last unit I lived in a low grade surplus FMQ, paid the going rate for a 2 bedroomed unfurnished house and got a 25% council tax discount as a single occupant. If you have kids then your case may be even stronger, I asked and was suprised by the result. Give it a go.

[Comp Charlie]

Thanks guys - no kids involved (although enjoy the practice). As I mentioned renting is not an option with the going rate for a one bed flat above a shop 700 quid upwards in this area of London.

Asking for a posting is also not an option - as I mentioned I have been selected for promotion, so it will all depend on that, although I do have preferences noted on JPA (no laughing please!)

Agree with the point distinguishing duty of care with welfare issues, but just feel incredibly strongly that there are many of us whose marriages have disintegrated as a direct result of our careers (not blaming it all on that - but it is a very large reason) and at the very least some offer of help with either storage or some form of financial help would be a pretty good gesture and not leave you feeling so isolated and rubbish about things.

CC

[glum]

Whilst I sympathise that your marriage has gone down the pan, maybe you are now realizing the inequality towards those who never married like myself.

Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.

Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!

[Vim_Fuego]

Whilst I sympathise that your marriage has gone down the pan, maybe you are now realizing the inequality towards those who never married like myself.
Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.
Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!

Have the rules not changed on this subject? I thought people in a long term relationship...with a bit of proof...are now entitled.

[Comp Charlie]

As I mentioned earlier, it is not sympathy I have asked for, or require. It is advice on storage and/or financial help with the move.

Dragging up quotes from me that profess to marital indiscretion I feel is a little un-necessary. Although indiscreet myself in mentioning anything, it was in the context of another topic, and before this one was posted (before I needed advice)

I don't have to justify myself at all to anyone here, suffice to say that 4 months in the sandpit with 5 days PODL before 13 months on the Rock with 2 R and R trips home did not contribute to a happy and harmonious marriage.

My choice you may say, however there are many variables involved. Not bitching about it, just stating a fact.

Lets not get this personal please - if people have advice on the issues in hand then please please post them (this is all helping) but please don't comment on the moral rights and wrongs on the way my life went.

Cheers

CC

[chappie]

now, i may be a little sketchy on details but i hope this may be of some help. my brother was in a long term relationship but lived in a small room when on camp and when off camp lived in a boat. the upshot of this is that although he is sadly dead, thus, i can't check details with him (bob was one of the ten fine men who lost their lives on the hercules that went down in iraq). this may be station specific the solutions offered to you, as he was at lyneham. he had items that clearly he couldn't store and i'm sure that the RaF had his wordly goods from when he lived in houses in storage. i know that they have been moved from station to station, i thinkeven at one point ending up in scotland. in fact due to some difficulties they are still in possession of them. i will speak with my parents later to check the facts.

the other point is that can you not go to your local housing association and go on the list. you are a keyworker in the community and it's woth checking how you stand. you may get a house or you can do shared ownership where you pay rent as the assoc. own half the house and you have an affordable mortgage to part own the house. you will get discount if not exempt from council tax, though i'm not sure on that detail either. we are offered this, i work as an itu nurse and as keyworkers such as yourself you are supported more.

i am sorry if this no good, or even wrong, but i thought there may be some leads to look into. it's bad enough you're going through a hard enough time with the end of your marriage. really sorry to hear that. you will get through it. keep the faith!

[Comp Charlie]

Touche

:O

CC

[boswell bear]

Sort yourself out!

No owes you anything!

[The Rocket]

Steady on, Muppet

As easy as it may well be to anonymously mock people on an internet forum, I am pretty sure that you would not be so cocky if you were in CC's position.

I have never been in the situation he has, so I watch the thread, but keep my opinions to myself. Suggest you do the the same.

CC, best of luck fella, I bet she made a crap cup of tea anyway :ok:

[The Rocket]

Don't know.

Perhaps you could tell us all the full story of the Excel hostie situation?

Was it before or after he met Mrs CC? You seem to know, so please enlighten us.

[Comp Charlie]

Sort yourself out!

No owes you anything!

Thanks for that. Once again do I have to stress that this really isn't the point. I just feel the military could perhaps offer some support that wouldn't cost anything (ie free storage) and perhaps even a Pantec to borrow to get stuff into storage.

Families get just shy of a grand in disturbance allowance for moving house on posting, I'm not suggesting anywhere near that amount but for all intents and purposes isn't this yet another forced move for a married couple?

Not just for me either - I feel obliged (and want to) help my wife out with the costs and logistics of removing her stuff also.

In this day and age of more seperations due to the changed expeditionary role of the Forces, I feel that the stats with regard to breakups will steadily climb, if they aren't already.

A gesture of recognition from the military that they understand the upheaval involved in a break-up and the ease in which it COULD affect your work if you let it wouldn't be such a bad idea would it?

Its not really about the money, as I said before I can cover it, I just think that it may not be necessary if a little thought went into it and some kind of help with the transportation and storage of possesions was offered.

Measured my 'new' room yesterday. 8ft x 7ft 'useable' space. 1 x double locker, 1 x single locker, a sink, a towel rail and a toiletries shelf. The carpet is ripped and stained all over, it hasn't had a re-dec in probably my lifetime and my new next door neighbour is an 18 year old trance/hardcore enthusiast.

Deep joy :ugh:

CC

[glum]

It all comes down to money doesn't it? Having ready the thread about us using all the ammo up in Helmand, it's obvious there is nothing spare for the likes of welfare!

You'd think with all the mothballed bases there would be somewhere to store things. Maybe there's an entrepaneur out there with the desire to kick start it!

[SidHolding]

I was living in the mess a long way from home (Kinloss - Cranwell) when my wife and I split up. The RAF stopped paying me GYH, started charging me to live in the mess and charged me more for food. Thanks.

[ZH875]

I just feel the military could perhaps offer some support that wouldn't cost anything (ie free storage)After the RAB procedures were inplemented, there is no such thing as 'Free' storage. IIRC the storage cost was a % of the actual price of an item, thus to store a PCB from an E-3D actually costs more than the mainwheel and tyre from a Shacklebomber did. Thanks to RAB, many empty STC containers which routinely lined the walls at a Helichopper base were scrapped, because they were going to cost money to store. Replacement STCs are demanded, as required, but as the (Impressive) cost of these are on 'someone else's' budget, they become 'Free' once more.

and perhaps even a Pantec to borrow to get stuff into storageSo the British public pays the bill for the 'Hire and Fuel' for the Pantec for PRIVATE usage, I think this may be called Fraud, (ask a Padre who was at Lyneham about using service fuel for private usage).

Families get just shy of a grand in disturbance allowance for moving house on posting, I'm not suggesting anywhere near that amount but for all intents and purposes isn't this yet another forced move for a married couple? NO, this is not another FORCED move, it is a PERSONAL CHOICE move. You are not posted, so any move you make is down to personal expense.

This is not a verbal assault on you or your personal circumstances, just a brief appraisal of the rules as they stand.

As to your room neighbour, I think judicious use of a pair of wire cutters on his mains lead might resolve your problem either that or use the priveledge of your rank, unless it is an 18yr old scuffer then a quiet word out the back of the block might help.

[Comp Charlie]

How can vacating a married quarter on marriage break-up be personal choice and not a forced move?

Are you saying perhaps I should neglect to mention it and keep the house?

A borrowed Pantec to move stuff from FMQ onto camp, and the rest into on-camp storage would be negligible fuel costs. Total distance: A couple of miles.

Cost of renting van privately for same period and distance: About 60 quid.

Effect on morale that at least it appears the military 'cares' and is willing to help out where it can as it recognises the trauma of a breakup: Priceless

CC

[ZH875]

CC, a marriage break-up is a personal thing, and no matter how much anybody thinks that service life contributes to any such break-up, it really is not their fault. Your wife married you knowing you were in the services and that could mean extended time away from home etc.

You chose to live in a quarter, under quarters rules, not a private home, would you expect the MOD to pay you to move out of a private home in the same circumstances, I suspect not.

Neglible fuel costs are still fuel costs, also include any vehicle wear and tear costs, insurance etc, as I believe that service vehicles are NOT insured for private usage.

As to morale and welfare, the MOD doesn't give a stuff.

All the best for the future, I just hope you can fully get rid of her before your promotion.

[Lost & Filed]

CC I know what you're going through and sympathise with you. I've been in MQ's for 12yrs until Aug 04 when my daughters dad took me to court for residency of our daughter (the story behind that is for another day). As a residency order can only be given to one parent with both parents having parental responsibility I had to move out of my MQ and back into the BB as the residency order is what DHE work on. My MCat or PStat as it is now changed to PStat 3 which does not entitle you to a MQ. I then got posted a year later and have managed to get a Surplus MQ which DHE will give if there are plenty to spare on the understanding that if a family are posted in and they need the quarter then I have to move back to the BB which is fair. As others on the thread have said, they have managed to get a MQ as singlies, so as you can see DHE are approachable and if they can help they will. My advise would be to speak to them first and find out if there are any surplus MQs where you are and if there are then fill in an application for one and see what happens. All the best to you and congrats on the promotion.

[Chainkicker]

CC, a marriage break-up is a personal thing, and no matter how much anybody thinks that service life contributes to any such break-up, it really is not their fault. Your wife married you knowing you were in the services and that could mean extended time away from home etc.
You chose to live in a quarter, under quarters rules, not a private home, would you expect the MOD to pay you to move out of a private home in the same circumstances, I suspect not.
As DHE will take eviction action should you become seperated/divorced to reclaim the quarter, do you still consider vacating it a matter of personal choice ZH ? :confused:

[ZH875]

Yes, because you accepted the quarter on DHE's terms, and it is still you & your wifes choice to split.

Sorry, but that's the way it is.

[Comp Charlie]

That's fair enough ZH. After all at the start of this thread I mentioned the point was not to garner sympathy for my situation. More to ask if there was any help available. You have been forthcoming with opinion and advice, and I thank you for that.

CC

[ZH875]

I still think the best advice so far, is to contact DHE and see if they have any vacant quarters, that they could let. In a perfect world, you may even be lucky enough to keep the house you are in.

Whatever happens, good luck, and congrats on the forthcoming promotion.

[Comp Charlie]

Many thanks to all of you that offered useful advice.

As it turns out my situation is sorting itself out.

I put up my third today and therefore am entitled to a room in the Mess.

For the interim this is a bonus, I really don't envy the next Junior Rank that has the misfortune to get allocated the room in the Barrack Block they gave me.

I wouldn't put a dog in it, let alone a human being. :=

Thanks again

CC

[Mr Blake]

Ah but we are investors in people, cos it says so.

[Comp Charlie]

Oh yeah. I remember seeing a blue triangular plaque at every unit I've been to so it must be true.

Any actual EXAMPLES of IIP though? :ooh:

CC

[ZH875]

CC Welcome to the Mess.

Congrats etc.

[Charlie Luncher]

CC
Congrats on promotion and I hope all works out for you. Now it is your time to do something for the positive, given your recent experience. Apply to become the SNCO in charge of the block you were in and make a difference.
With rank comes responsibility, many forget that.:*
Charlie sends

[Stumpy1000]

CC
Sorry to hear of your dilemma, have been there, seen it done it. I spent 18 years flying in the SH force, we used to have a saying 'there is no divorce problem in the SH force, because nobody has got time to see a solicitor!' I think, as i experienced, that now you have divorced the military will turn its back on you, in terms of rights, accommodation etc etc etc. Best advice, get into the housing market FAST (even for a 1 bed apart in London), start to look after no 1, because nobody else will.
S
pm me if you wish

[Tiger_mate]

the military will turn its back on you....

Wasnt the case for me albeit in 1990. Blunties do though and they will throw the bluntie book at you without hesitation, but I found the aircrew side of our system particulary good. Asked what did I want and where did I want to go, I didnt have a scooby as you are embroiled in an emotional rather than logical world.

Once I had sorted myself out (several months) PMA were very much on-side for making the best of a bum deal and enabling contact with my children whilst others were fighting the first middle eastern f-up. Life is a little blured from that time which is not surprising as it takes time to adapt to life after an 'immediate' family. Lesson learnt was never again put the queen before those around you, many here may disagree with that, but that is my opinion based upon experience, and I am entitled to that point of view.

PS There is a life afterwards and the pain may end up a blessing in disguise.

[Colonal Mustard]

damn posted twice see below

[Colonal Mustard]

Hopefully this morning you will be recovering from a hangover like you havent had in many years, hope this cheers you up, its something a friend gave me when his marriage broke up
CM:ok: keep smiling all will work out m8

[Doobs]

CC. I was in the same boat as you. I had to sell all my stuff before moving back into the block full of kids. As a 38yr old it was a bit demoralising to say the least. I did however manage to stay in my MQ for near on 18 months as I kept my marriage break up quiet for a while, then forced DHE to serve me an eviction notice which takes quite a while. (It may tide you over til you get your promotion to the 'old folks home')
A certain station near Ruislip has surplus MQs at the moment so it may be possible to get one of those. You just pay the normal amount of rent as married personnel and pay only single persons council tax.

Doobs

[Comp Charlie]

Unfortunately that certain station near Ruislip doesn't have surplus FMQ's...on the contrary it has a waiting list - there are plenty of empty houses but they need work (carpets etc) and for some reason Modern can't (won't?) get it sorted so the houses are supposedly unoccupiable (is that a word?)

I am also having difficulty even getting a room in the Sgts Mess at present. Buggered if I know what to do to be honest! :ugh:

CC

[snapper41]

unoccupiable (is that a word?)CC

Uninhabitable, perhaps?