Tell me your funny instructor stories...!

[lemon_torte]

Ive only just started instructing and have already encountered many funny situations with my students. I would love to hear some more funny stories from other instructors.....

:D

[Speed Twelve]

Oh how I laughed when I received my monthly 'salary' when instructing full-time. Having to force my girlfriend to go on The Game just so that I could afford the petrol to get to work...

The job's great, it's just that the woman who cleaned the khazis in the morning got paid more per hour than the instructors at more than one school I worked at....

ST

[Kolibear]

l_t,

I think the answer here is 'you tell me yours & I'll tell you mine', otherwise I'd think that you might be fishing.

sorry, but its my suspicious mind again.

[lemon_torte]

Well Ive only just started instructing, about a month. So not much really to tell....

On one occasion I asked a student to do a perf landing with the intention of landing on the numbers. He turned to me and asked with a very confused look on his face "so which ones are they then?" I replyed with an equally confused look on my face (as I wasnt sure what I had said to confuse him) "they are the white marks at the end of the rwy shaped like 2's" He then replyed "Oh right" Bear in mind this guy had over 30 hours flying time and 7 JARS!

Doing a ferry flight from Biggin Hill and whilst talking to Essex Radar my student was given a traffic report of a Fokker passing overhead from right to left. Students response "Roger the Fokker" Quite amusing! Have also had Roger the Squirrel and Roger the Rabbit!!

Ok now....let me hear your stories!!

[Sean Dell]

Flying with a student who was a little RT shy (crap!) - had fully briefed him for a MATZ crossing type transmission. Working Benson MATZ, big moment arrives, sexy female controller tells stude to pass his message.....he says " Roger, GBABC estimate penetrating you in 5 minutes"

I laughed for over half an hour. Priceless

[Ray Ban]

Just prior to taxy asked female trial lesson student to 'part your legs' so I could get full and free movement of the controls! Spent the rest of the flight trying to explain myself with fits of laughter from her friends in the back seats!! Rather embarrassing but ultimately funny!!:eek: ;)

[nosehair]

During pre-flight walk around, had a student walk into the trailing end edge of a flap. Bumped it with his forhead.
"Did you hurt it?", I asked, looking at his bruised forhead.
"No Sir, I think it's all right." He replied, looking and reaching to touch the flap edge he had bumped.

[MackMeeter]

Whilst flying the circuit in a PA28, my student was gaining rapidly on the asthmatic C150 infront of us. So much so that by the fourth time around the block we were almost sat with the C150 occupants as we turned crosswind.

"Whaddo-I-do now?" was the anguished cry from the left seat as we bumped around in the prop wash.

So I told the stude just to politley ask if we could pass them, reminding him of the rules of the air for over-taking.

The stude hesitates, then presses the brain-disconnect switch...

"G-.... this is G-.... can I come inside you?

Good job he was a capable bloke, I was usless for the remainder of the session and thought at one point I was going to have a stroke from laughing so hard.

:D :ok:

[niknak]

Overheard in a the flying club bar:

Extremely attractive young lady, who only has one lesson about every four weeks, wanders in and attracts the attention of her regular instructor.

Instructor: "Ah, Leslie my dear, long time no see, in fact, how long is it since I've had you?"

[The Old Fogducker]

Hi Folks:

While there are many funny things I recall from my days as an instructor, the first one which comes to mind happened in Vancouver, British Columbia about 30 years ago involving radio communications.

Vancouver was very busy in those days and we would fly our students dual to a smaller outlying airport for them to use when doing solo practice. Instructors would do all the radio work until the student was fairly proficient with radio at other airports before trying to get a word in with ATC at YVR.

The first time this particular student did a radio call to Vancouver Ground, he got slightly mixed up on the phonetics for the call and used "Underwood Hotel" as part of the callsign. Controller came back on a very busy frequency and said "Lots of radio traffic, several all on at once, but I think I heard someone calling from the Underwood Hotel and I used to drink there a lot in my younger days, so go ahead."

For some reason that one stuck with me.

Regards to all,
Fog

[Holdposition]

Sean Dell


As you so rightly say.........Priceless




took me full 1/2 hr get over that one:D :D

[FlyingForFun]

Strange how many of these stories relate to students saying the "wrong" thing over the radio... :rolleyes: :ugh: :hmm:

FFF
------------

[Big Pistons Forever]

The scene: A slow day at the flying club where I and a couple of other young instructors were starting our aviation careers.

Inst #1: "Hey guys get a load of that "( pointing out window as a all over bright pink learjet pulls up )

Inst # 2: "Wow I saw a picture of it, Its the new Mary Kay corporate airplane" ( a door to door cosmetic sales empire )

After shut down we watch the pilots get out; dressed in tweedy grey slacks and pink shirts with silver bars ( honest! )

Me: "Hey guys would you wear that get up and fly a pink airplane if it was a brand new learjet ?"

Inst #1 "Ahh Yah of course !"

Inst #2 "In a heart beat !"

Me: "You bet!"

At this point we turn around and see our three next students standing in line at the counter, along with the 2 women non pilot dispatchers, all laughing at the three of us.
:{ :O :hmm:

[spitfire747]

I have a well known student who takes the RT "loud and clearly" a little to far.

He presses the mic button and says in a SLOW and BOOMING voice

"Tower.... THIS IS G-XXXX ON THE CLUB APRON, WE HAVE GOT INFORMATION ....... COPIED AND WOULD LIKE A RADIO CHECK AND TAXI... G-XXX OUT"

on this particular day the tower came back and said

"G-xxxx readability 6 and taxi holding point Hotel......."

i nearly cried with laughter

[jaarrgh]

Nothing is as funny as being thrown up on surely. Even though I was offering a sick back at 300 feet on final approach she regurgitated her lunch in a fairly solid mass on my hand and cuff. I still remember the lumps that slid off the back of my wrist as I adjusted the throttle.... and the smell...dear lord.
There must be lots of quality and quantity vomit stories out there. Now is your chance to open the proverbial window!

[MANAGP]

Once had a student with a minor stutter, none the less he progressed well and I was happy for him to go solo. Sadly for him and me as the pressure mounted so his stutter became worse!

Downwind wasn't too bad:

"G-ABCD D-D-D-D-Downind 26L"

Base was much the same

But the pressure was mounting as he turned Final:

"G-ABCD F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FIN-FIN-FIN.......Fu*k it I'm landing!"

He greased it onto the runway and taxyed back to the apron, now here's the quandry- Congratulate or critercise?

Well needless to say I applauded his flying skills which I have to say looked to be very good and de-briefed him on his R/T technique! Funny thing is he never had a repeat incident and is now a training captain for a small regional airline.

[Sleeve Wing]

First of all, guys, bear in mind that this happened about 35 years ago when stopping engines wasn't in the least politically incorrect.

>Had a stude who just would not treat PFL training seriously so, after a lot of thought, I decided to apply the shock treatment !

So there we are, comfortably downwind, no one else in the circuit, so I pull the Mixture to ICO.
Cough, cough went the Continental. Choke, choke, went said stude - AND THEN PROMPTLY FOLDED HIS ARMS !!

"I saw you", he said. "YOU stopped the engine. So YOU land it! I'm having nothing more to do with it" - and he just looked out of the other window!!!
So, not even bothering to restart, I put the 172 back on terra firma, laughing so loud that, by the time I had restarted to taxi in, we were both wetting ourselves with laughter.

We had a cuppa on it and, suffice it to say, his PFLs after that were exemplary.<

Rgds, Sleeve. :ok:

[PILOTGAL]

Or the student who insisted that he was "turning downhill" for the first 50 or so circuits :confused:

[BEagle]

One of my fellow students was flying a Jet Provost with his instructor somewhere in the wilds (or wolds) of Lincolnshire..

"OK lad, where are we" asked the instructor.

Student flaps about with crumpled map, vainly trying to unfold it to find the right area..

"Good grief, lad, that thing looks like an old newspaper!" said the instructor.

Student turns to instructor and offers him the map:

"Fancy a chip, Sir?"

:D

[Half_Cuban]

After explaining the checklist for a C152 in the clubhouse to a student we went out to the aircraft, the student started the engine when we got to the point in the checklist that said

AI...... Erected and Aligned

The student said "Attitude Indicator has an Erection"

I nearly pissed myself laughing

An american lady had come in for a trial lesson, I suggested we go North to see the highlands in Scotland, I could'nt believe it when she said to me

"These mountains are cool , how long have they been there"

[machonepointone]

This didn't happen to me, but I heard it in the instructor's crerwroom when I was a QFI at RAF Valley flying the Hawk. One of the exercises we used to do was at high level (around the magic 40000 feet or so). An emergency that was given to the students was a simulated canopy failure that required the aircraft to be put into a max rate descent (throttle idle, airbrakes out, and dive at about mach 0.8 or 0.85).

The fellow instructor was relating the story of how he had given this emergency to his student who proceeded to make just about all the errors possible and still survive.

At the debrief the instructor said something like "That was easily the worse emergency descent from a simulated canopy failure I have ever seen. What did you think you were doing?"

The student replied "I was simulated hypoxic so that was the best I could do."

[NorthSouth]

lemon_torte:this guy had over 30 hours flying time and 7 JARSNo wonder he was in a state of confusion then. Personally, I never fly with anyone who's pissed.

[EGBKFLYER]

Had an instructor in the tower watching an early solo student. Student calls 'final, touch and go' but in his excitement forgets to take his finger off the PTT.

Cue gales of laughter from us as we hear the aircraft coming down, with a little voice going 'I'm too f***king high, I'm too f***king high, I'm too f***king high'

[Ascend Charlie]

In a tandem-seat jet trainer, while cruising at around 30,000' on a nav, I felt some of the remnants of the previous night's excesses trying to escape from the rear end. Why not, I thought, believing that filtering the gases through the ejection seat cushion might remove some of its potency.

Wrong. It was truly disgusting, so I switched my mask supply to 100% oxygen, to prevent any cabin air from entering. I said to the student "Better go to 100%, Bloggs!"
"Roger, sir!" came his reply, as he moved the throttle up to 100% power!

It took a good five seconds before I heard him gag and switch over to 100% oxygen. I couldn't see for the tears of laughter.