Mostly Harmless
12th Mar 2004, 01:07
I just recently bought my first non-pilot car. That’s right, first one in a decade that cost more that $500. So,
An Ode to my car
I have driven it near
I have driven it far
I have driven enough mileage to reach a star
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
No longer will I have to pray
Will my car start today
Especially when it’s cold and grey
My neighbors no longer get a display
In the cold, in the Snow
When it is 40 below
There’ll be no fixing, there’ll be no tow
Just to make that damn car go
It does not groan
It does not creak
It does not moan
It does not Leak
It does not veer
On it’s own it does not steer
Not driving like I’ve had too much beer
Driving straight, it is most queer
It does not smoke
It does not burn
When I release the wheel
It does not turn
It does not shimmy
It does not shake
No parts fly off no paint does flake
I do not fear that it will break
These fenders really are a must
It has no dents
It has no rust
It does not slowly turn to dust
No transplanted parts from many a car
Coming From both near and far
Oh, it’s not a Frankencar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
No longer will I fill my trunk
With tool and parts and all that junk
No longer will I transfuse
All the fluids that cars use
Now when I turn the ignition key
A starting engine I shall see
Instead of heart hung low about my knee
Trust me, there will be much glee
The windows roll both up and down
The doors work all the way around
I am not embarrassed to be seen in town
Now that I can get around
The radio gets FM too
Now I listen to Guess Who
Surely this is too good to be true
I’m so happy I don’t know what to do
At home
Or work
Or at the bar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
-Mostly Harmless
An Ode to my car
I have driven it near
I have driven it far
I have driven enough mileage to reach a star
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
No longer will I have to pray
Will my car start today
Especially when it’s cold and grey
My neighbors no longer get a display
In the cold, in the Snow
When it is 40 below
There’ll be no fixing, there’ll be no tow
Just to make that damn car go
It does not groan
It does not creak
It does not moan
It does not Leak
It does not veer
On it’s own it does not steer
Not driving like I’ve had too much beer
Driving straight, it is most queer
It does not smoke
It does not burn
When I release the wheel
It does not turn
It does not shimmy
It does not shake
No parts fly off no paint does flake
I do not fear that it will break
These fenders really are a must
It has no dents
It has no rust
It does not slowly turn to dust
No transplanted parts from many a car
Coming From both near and far
Oh, it’s not a Frankencar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
No longer will I fill my trunk
With tool and parts and all that junk
No longer will I transfuse
All the fluids that cars use
Now when I turn the ignition key
A starting engine I shall see
Instead of heart hung low about my knee
Trust me, there will be much glee
The windows roll both up and down
The doors work all the way around
I am not embarrassed to be seen in town
Now that I can get around
The radio gets FM too
Now I listen to Guess Who
Surely this is too good to be true
I’m so happy I don’t know what to do
At home
Or work
Or at the bar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car
-Mostly Harmless