How to Land a Helicopter After Your pilot Has Been Incapacitated
 

Saw this on the web and figured you guys would get a kick out of it:

How to Land a Helicopter After Your Pilot Has Been Incapacitated

(don't they have an app for this yet?)

I think it fair to say, "if the pilot dies at the control...the passangers will die shortly after" My advise would be to stick your head beteen your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.:ok:

Sheesh, all those hours and dollars I spent on learning to pick up, fly a circuit, and set it down in one piece.... All I needed was to read that 3-minute article.

It's actually not badly written, but it leaves one with the impression that they could pull this off after merely reading. Some poor sod will likely believe that they could really do this.

Ag-Rotor has the proper advice.:ok:

What a great littlle self help article :hmm:

There are some gems there, but in Section 1 they missed out,
"If the pilots seat belt isn't too tight - and you think they are dead - try opening the door and pushing the bugger out -
the weight saved by doing so will give you extra time to figure out what to do next..."

Most of the procedure for gaining control of the helicopter is obviously quite simple,
and is something that your average tourist can easily manage,
because not until Section 5 is it , Para 3 in Section 5 reminds you to check but then Para 6. of the same section discusses Would that be a fare paying passenger or a carry on item ?

After landing : ( :rolleyes: )
( ... assuming you didn't already push them out ...... it's probably OK to punch him or her though - maybe once or even twice if no-one is looking ).

and finally :
MAY ???
.... who will definitiely be unconcious if you got the punches right. :ok:
Take a moment to reflect on why you went on a pleasure flight with a disabled pilot in the first place :oh:

This will definitely spoil your day and ruin any chance of getting a refund :p

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d1.../Coconutty.jpg

I had a large sea gull come through the pax window on a 206, luckily the passenger side window, which it removed completely, the facts theymissed 140mph winds coming through the front, blood etc etc, I agree with AG, I can post pics if anybody wants to see:ok:

Coconutty said it right 'some gems'

I was cringing as I forced myself to read this. Not sure how many tour operators have the duals in anyway!

As for me I'm all for trying to save my arse but if the author thinks that anyone would remember even a pinch of what's he's written then......well :=

Actually looking at the article it can be edited. I may just have to go on there and have some fun :}

Technically correct in a simplistic way, but with the chopper in a screaming death dive I doubt you would have time even to bend over to kiss your arse:}:} let alone get the feel of the controls use the radio (after finding out where the head set was) and work thew GPS if there is one....

Lets face it, if flying was difficult, engineers would do it..

:p

"Lets face it, if flying was difficult, engineers would do it.."

They do........but can make more money bending spanners on Fords!

I think it's awesome (though I did sneak in a few edits shortly after 69GCBC made the original post). I have printed, and will take with me to my flying school to ask them why it took them 50 hrs to teach this to me!


Do I get a refund????

Many years ago, when I was merely an Aircrewman, I did a Standards check-ride to assess my suitability for further training. Part of it involved demonstrating that, in the event of pilot incapacitation, there was a fair chance of me getting us down without totalling a Gazelle.

"Right, Bloggs, I'm dying, what are you going to do?" says he.

"About 1.5 solo, with the fuel we've got." earned me a dirty look.

you'd soon find out if he really was dead when yer tried to push the critter out the door.

Amazing to think anyone would be so stupid as to think they could get away with this. I must say that I have not laughed so much in a long time.

I'd get asked this once in a while by the front seat passenger in both airplanes and helicopters. In an airplane I'd show them- similar to the advice in this thread. In the helicopter I'd say "forget it, you're dead". If I felt particularly dark I'd add that for all practical purposes they were already dead until I landed again.

my sides actually hurt with laughing. i've been trying to get any kind of licence to drive for years and have (about) 8 hrs tt.
still cr#p myself in straight an level never mind landing greasy pigs.....quality!!
:ok::ok:

Heh,heh,heh, fantastic! Have been 'wastin' time' reading various books recommended for PPL(H) when all I had to do was read the aforementioned article - I should be able to fly a heli within a few hours, thus savin' a fortune on instruction!;)

Scoff, but this has been done, more or less successfully, at least once that I know of. The story:
Pilot departs Gulf of Mexico shore base flying a 206 to change production crews. As he heads out over the marsh, he starts feeling ill and turns around. Feeling sicker, he initiates a forced landing, but loses consciousness. The front seat passenger grabs the controls he can reach while somebody in back holds the pilot up. The 2 active passengers die in the crash, everybody else survives.

an easier way
 

I don't understand why they go into detail about landing. It would be so much simpler to get control of the thing, get on the radio and tell ATC what is going on. Then they can arrange for a helicopter pilot to show up at the airport. (if there isn't one already about)(If you can't find a helo pilot any old fixed wing driver will do) Then all you have to do is hover low enough and slow enough so that he can step up on the skid, pull his dead buddy out, plop in the seat and wullah. Problem solved. This plan cuts the training from say 8 minutes down to no more than 2.

Quote: (don't they have an app for this yet?)

Haven't you seen "The Matrix"?

We have a procedure for our bobbies, using the autopilot/ILS, which, with a bit of luck, will get them to 75 feet above the runway doing 80kts. After that they're on their own. :E