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AAC 50th birthday, looking for 50 cracking good stories

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AAC 50th birthday, looking for 50 cracking good stories

Old 10th Aug 2007, 15:31
  #41 (permalink)  
 
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660 sqdn 1976 at Long Kesh.
One staff sergeant tech over indulges in the field workshops bar and in unable to find his way back.
Next morning the squadron duty officer is called to the guard room to recover the said individual who was arrested by the guards while attempting to climb over the security fence into the Maze prison!!!!

It was also about this time that the AAC made an attempt to bomb the Jacobs biscuit factory close to Kesh.

Scouts were flying with handling wheels removed to save weight (25 pounds). For reasons unknown the pins were removed from the wheel but the wheel was left in place.

This wasn't noticed by the crew and the offending wheel fell off into the factory car park narrowly missing the building. Much embarrasment on being asked by the factory manager if we would like our wheel back.
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Old 10th Aug 2007, 15:49
  #42 (permalink)  
 
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During an inspection of the squadron weapons at Soest it became clear that little maintenance had taken place.

I remember being surprised that they actually let us have guns, but then I was fairly young at the time!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway the squadron 2IC was placed in charge of the inspection and was not best pleased.
He stated that anyone who's weapon was rusty would be charged.

"Zip" Nolan the MT segeant was tasked with the hands on.

The list of offenders grew ever longer until Zip handed a 9MM pistol to the 2ic with a red rusty barrel.

Yours sir I'm afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!

The list of offenders was discretely consigned to the bin.
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Old 10th Aug 2007, 17:39
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Jeep & Wizzard

You got me now. I forgot about the fuel bill in 662's Scrap book,

But now I'm trying to remember who was the one that headed for Monaghan instead of Armagh, Unless it was one of those I was told by another J* in confidence.

By the way Hi Wizzard

BP
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Old 10th Aug 2007, 18:49
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Ah interesting. I was there a few years later during the hunger strikes. It was never mentioned, covered up . I concur about the food and they were not joking about the local IRA. Even we had to tread carefully. One night someone thought they saw something and everybody with access to a weapon opened up on the surrounding countryside. I missed it but it was apparently great fun. It was just wishful thinking, we all wanted a go at the provos but they stayed well clear.

I was involved in a border transgression too. Wandering through the jungles of Monaghan in a platoon strength patrol once. I heard a Wessex go overhead. I thought, 'Either we're on the wrong side of the border or he is! As a lowly private, I kept my mouth shut. Well it wasn't the RAF and we spent an fascinating hour and a half lurking on the wrong side of the border while a bit of emergency recce went on.

As for the AAC, I also worked near the Irish Air Corps headquarters in Baldonnel. I used to see AAC Beavers regularly dropping in for a visit. Any stories there? I remember one hitting the headlines when it was seen 'spying' over a Midland town. But he was talking to ATC but in reality it seemed to be sightseeing.
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Old 10th Aug 2007, 19:10
  #45 (permalink)  
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662 Sqn (again) on a long FTX close to Braunschweig in the mid-eighties, OC and QHI (Tony P) go off for a Div brief or some such exciting thing on a Saturday morning. Just so happens that the 662 ex-Para Lynx pilot with the Polish name beginning with K, who also happens to be in the AAC free-fall team, and two other team members also in 662 have all brought their 'chutes with them. What else is one to do on a non-flying Saturday in the middle of an exercise? Someone persuaded the Sqn 2 i/c and the RN Exchange Pilot -
(more of him at thread #30 here;
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthr...=286328&page=2 )

-to take the 3 of them up to 10,000' and throw them out. All looked impressive for everyone on the ground, and who would ever know? Well apparently one of the distinguishing features of free-fall parachuting within an Air Defence Interception Zone (ADIZ), is that people notice this kind of thing. Not sure exactly how word got out, but a thunder faced OC and QHI reappeared to find that coffee without hats was on the agenda up at the Brigade Commander's digs. Not sure what the 3 erstwhile jumpers got (damned SNCO's and their pranks) but the 2 Officers got to make some significant contributions to the Charitable causes fund.

As they were leaving that location, the 2 i/c lifted into the hover in a Lynx, having cunningly placed the MoD Form 700 on the stbd TOW boom for safe keeping. The localised snow shower in June was his first clue that there may have been a better place to keep the 700, but amazingly enough only 1 page was lost forever. Kept the REME's busy reassembling the book, otherwise they would only have been watching porn and playing uckers all night.

To add insult to injury, when they finally left that location and moved closer to Hannover, the RMP arrived at the CP soon after, having been contacted by the German Civil Police who were curious as to when they were coming back to pick up the TOW tubes that the local kids were playing with, having found them in the trees on the glider strip they had left.

There's nothing like a professional aviator...
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Old 10th Aug 2007, 23:30
  #46 (permalink)  
 
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During the mid seventies spare parts for the Gazelles at Soest were hard to come by and as the German police operating Gazelles at Dusseldorf had the same problem spares regularly changed hand attached to crates of beer.

A similar situation occurred in the UK with the Alouette's at Netheravon and Air Gregory at Denham who also operated Alouette's.

All was well until an a new Air Greg pilot was told to pick up some spares from the army.

Sadly he flew to Wallop instead of Netheravon drawing rather a lot of unwelcome attention to the illicit trade in aircraft parts as well as getting arrested.
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Old 11th Aug 2007, 16:51
  #47 (permalink)  
 
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Quote
"My Northern Ireland famil was in the back of a Scout with no map."

My first tour('79) didn't even go that far! I was staring at the poor weather out of the window at Aldergrove and the RQHI came in and said "there's your aircraft, get your arrse to Omagh they need you right away"

I told him I hadn't had a famil yet and he said don't worry just fly down the lough and turn right at the bottom, that will get you to Dungannon then just follow the disused railway line to Omagh.

So off I go into the murk in my trusty Scout and find jolly old Dungers in the gloop: I follow the railway line but that leads me to Coalisland, back to Dungannon, follow different railway and that takes me nicely to Cookstown, back to Dungannon, by now flapping like a turkey being thrown off a cliff and finally get the correct railway line and arrive at Omagh on the winky-wankies!

My Flight Commander, Rob W--sh - was furious. he let me stay in the office while he - a Captain - gave the RQHI - a Major - the best bollocking I've ever heard.

Wiz
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Old 11th Aug 2007, 19:10
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Lynx 2 returning to Omagh from the east decide to do a daylight recce for a task that night, on passing the pick up point (which is a known player's farm complex) they notice UDR troops already at the grid so they ask them if they have completed the patrol and would they like an earlier pick up.

Obviously being UDR they say, yes, after a quick calculation the crew decide they can drop the guys they have on board off first, then return for the first group in daylight, after that the next two pickups will be in the dark, but as it was clear skies and they had already landed at the site it should be ok to do the whole task without fitting NVG.

The daylight pick up goes well and the crew scan the area for any hazards, making note of the fence's either side of the field and the wires runing down the middle, they will use the farmhouse as a forward marker.

As they approach to land for the second group all the high beam security lights around the farm house light up bathing the landing area in bright light, Mainly directed at the Lynx, they pick up the patrol and head to Omagh, on route the pilot sends a message to the commander still on the ground.

They drop off at Omagh then return to the PUP for the third time in the same manner, just as the skids are touching down and the landing area lights up again, the the patrol commander shouts over to the 'player' standing by his front door.

'From the pilot, Thanks for the lights they are not wearing goggles'

A P***ed off player stepped into his farmhouse and the area went dark.
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Old 12th Aug 2007, 08:21
  #49 (permalink)  
 
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658 Sqn. circa 1984 returning from a big NATO exercise in BAOR - Scout flight departed Minden following the standard route back to the UK but the weather deteriorated and there was an impromptu stop at Antwerp. The flight landed what seemed to be miles away from the terminal building on a huge expanse of nice clean concrete. Everyone piled off for a brew whilst the OC and others decided upon the next course of action.

The visibility was fairly good under a low but uniform cloud base and the decision was made to push on to Manston via Calais as planned. There they were, 6 Scouts all burning and turning when it was noticed that the OC had got out of his aircraft and was running towards one of the others down the line chopping his hand across his throat giving the recognised signal to cut engine. Everyone wound down to ground idle and crews craned their necks to see what the problem was.

The OC entered the disc of '3' and immediately walked to the side of the aircraft where there was a large clear puddle on the otherwise nice dry concrete under the aircraft near the rear cross tube.

Now as everyone knows, the old Scout had a decking well, under the engine that vented to the ground beneath in the area of the rear cross tube. It was common for accumulated water - or spilt fuel - to gather in the well and then vent to the ground.

The OC bent over and dabbed his finger into the liquid and then pushed it to his nose to smell and lick. Clearly concerned that there might be a fuel leak.

Satisfied that it was not fuel, the OC gave the thumbs up and retired back to his aircraft. The flight duly departed a few minutes later. How anyone in the flight managed to stay sensible for that trip to Manston is a wonder, each aircraft visibly 'bounced along' as the crew's tried to stay in control, gripped by fits of uncontrollable laughter. The 'chat' frequency [different from the one the OC believed to be in use] was buzzing the whole way.

In planning at Manston the OC's expression made it perfectly clear he had been informed the puddle he'd inspected diligently at Antwerp was in fact where the crew had had a last minute wazzz before take off.

It is not clear whether the OC [Nookie Nick the tumbler of Tumbledown - another story] was more annoyed at the event or the fact that everyone knew except him.

Soon the rest of the Sqn and the whole of Netheravon heard the tale and the following appeared on routine orders early the following week:

'WEF from [insert date] members of the squadron are forbidden to urinate or defecate anywhere except approved facilities whether in the field on exercise or at other location. Offenders will be dealt with severely.'
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Old 13th Aug 2007, 20:58
  #50 (permalink)  
 
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I suppose it's too soon for someone to tell the story of how a Gazelle ended up half submerged on an airtest at Ballykelly?
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Old 14th Aug 2007, 13:35
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I was saving this for my memoirs but as they are frowned upon nowadays and I'd probably only sell one copy anyway (to myself), here goes:

Having just completed the Jungle Survival Course in Belize, a task came in to replen the site with one soldier, one pig and three chickens so I volunteered, wanting to impress my new SAS mates with superior piloting skills. The pax all arrived on time, pig in big bag, legs tied, chickens in a cardboard box and soldier with apprehensive expression. We managed to get eveything on board our Gazelle after partial freight flooring but not until after my AcComd (RAOC Rodney) decided the cute pig could do with a little more air so cut the bag a bigger air hole. Smart move!

So, away we transition down APC runway, me flying. At this stage, the pig spies freedom through it's newly enlarged peephole and goes for it, break-dancing it's way out of it's bag on to the box of chickens and head-butts my left hand which is holding the collective. We descend rapidly towards the runway before I manage to overcome pighead pressure and fly away for what I assumed to be a RTB. AcComd has other ideas and says continue, asking human pax in back to secure pig. Some chance! Anyway, continue we do but maybe we wouldn't have had we known that the chickens were still alive and now loose. Two of them aren't interested but number three wants out of the helicopter giving us a fantastic wall of death round the cockpit, feathers, claws and beak everywhere. I should add that my two human companions in the aircraft have been reduced to ballast by all this so on it's third or fourth time round the cockpit I manage to grab the chicken round the neck and throw it against the back wall, stunning it. No RTB now, far too embarrassing for OC to see this so onwards to jungle after pursuading rear human to lie on top of pig and keep an eye on chicken. A less eventful transit follows.

On landing at the jungle HLS, knowing that we shouldn't shut down in case the donk won't start again, we shut down. We're pretty much in rag order, pig mucus everywhere including all over my left hand, feathers stuck to it. Time to get rid and clean up. After a while, one of our hooligan friends wanders up the hill and asks for his soon-to-be food. Damned pig hadn't finished trying to escape though forcing him to carry it over an ants nest which crawl up his legs in their hundreds. Pig gets dropped, clothes come off, nation's finest runs in circles crying 'get them off me, get them off me'. The engine started again. Don't worry, he was alright and the pig made the hangi, we found out later.

The vow of silence lasted until my first drink in the mess bar that night!

More episodes to follow now I've got started.

Last edited by Regain; 14th Aug 2007 at 13:47.
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Old 14th Aug 2007, 16:46
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Marvelous, just bruddy marvelous.

tam
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Old 16th Aug 2007, 13:17
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Very good Regain, very good.

Here is one i just received:

There i was on exercise crusader in 80, crewman and enjoying the experience. Off in the Gazelle to simulate a Hind against some Rapier sites. My pilot, a chap that enjoyed explosives. So we get to the first few sites and duly divebomb them, all very tame until he says, get in the back and use the thunderflashes i have in my bag. I takes a look at him, and thinks for a split second, sounds dangerous. Right on, so we land, i get in the back and we are on a new mission. The gazelle had a small message chute back in them days and i opened it, and on his word i strike the thunderflash, and ejects it whereupon it explodes near the site and we see some gunners running for cover, very hilarious. Well after about 4 goes, he had a very good supply, i get the strike command and as i did, it hissed and jumped out of my hand. The scene then all slowed down. The thunderflash defied physics and was flying around the back of the cab like a slippery soap covered piece of soap. I can remember the eyes of the pilot getting ever larger and not at the ground coming up quickly. A lucky swat at the hissing piece of dynamite got it to drop through the chute for it to explode just below the aircraft. I can only imagine what thunderflash would do to a Gazelle if it had exploded inside. Well at that point, we got all serious, went straight and level and headed home.

So we get back and put the aircraft to bed, not a scratch on it and head back to the middle of the wood where a fire is lit and some aircrew are sat around. Up walks my pyromaniac matey and just casually throws 2 thunderflashes into the fire and starts to walk off. One chap recognises that he just did and stammers out something whereupon the rest of the aircrew take cover just before the fire goes up and nearly sets the forest on fire.

Ahhh them wer't days

Anon
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Old 16th Aug 2007, 13:22
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Must have been just before the time our gallant 2i/c tried dropping an orange smoke grenade down the same chute, not realising that the space had been filled with a transponder.

But then, everyone knows that story, don't they?
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Old 16th Aug 2007, 16:47
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I remember being told about someones unsuccessful attempt to fire of a schermully flare from the cockpit, anybody expand on that?
Good stories so far.
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Old 16th Aug 2007, 20:30
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A quick one while we're on a theme:

There I am sat on the thunderbox in the wooden hut by the flight shack in Wainwright when I hear a bit of a commotion outside and many giggles. Next thing, my hut fills with an assortment of pyrotechnics fizzing, crackling and smoking. I hastily finish my ablutions and rush outside to find my (ex bootie JNCO, newish rodney) det commander looking past the hut at the forest fire he'd just started with his missed shots. I think all Alberta sent it's fire engines.

And yes, we lied!
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Old 17th Aug 2007, 00:10
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654 Sqn.. Danny the Champion of the World (SSM)...

To an assembly of Airtroopers...
"There's been some allegations & I want to know right now who all the alligators are!"

On exercise...
"I want you to dismantle this tent here & remantle it over there"

Gulf 1... to a confused assembly of Airtroopers...
"You're all sperienced freshnalls & I want you patrolling the outer rimiter"

.."???!"

Daly & Thompson again (the bane of my life!)...

Following the Weser they spot some German Army Infantry types conducting a river crossing, paddling across in rubber boats.
...almost there... until a Floppy swoops in to the hover & blows them all back to the home bank!
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Old 17th Aug 2007, 00:22
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NI... Early nineties.

Following several border incursions by assorted Lynx (& Wessex) crews the CO announced that the next crew that made an unauthorised international flight could expect a severe interview without coffee.

2 days later the 'Regimental Medals Team' themselves (CO & RQHI) neatly dropped a patrol South side.

...there IS a God !!!
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Old 17th Aug 2007, 01:02
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Wizzard - my first flight in NI was the same as yours, only there was no fog and it was at night! Luckily they had the hangar lights on and I could see the lit up roof, though not from that far away! They must have made a habit of it.

Our favourite trick with the Beaver was on the regular Infra Red checks at Kesh (so they could check for tunnels and collapse them just as the diggers were finishing - well, it kept them busy). We used to get over head at 300 feet and chop the throttle and glide down to the photo position at 100 feet or so then open the throttle wide to wake everyone up. Anyone who has heard a beaver taking off will appreciate the chaos!

I believe Paul Bragg got a low flying complaint from someone on the 4th floor of the belfast Europa who was wondering why he was 100 feet below him

Some good stories and personalities here - keep 'em coming!

And Hi Mick (Gee)!

Phil
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Old 17th Aug 2007, 01:15
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Last couple... it's late!

Gulf 1..

It took a while to get the message back home that alcohol smuggled into parcels in empty shampoo bottles tasted entirely of....shampoo :o(

Method number 2. The accompanying letter in the parcel states "The vodka is in the Wet Wipes".

No problem! A giggling group of pilots is observed carefully wringing out wet wipes & getting comfortably tipsy on the juice.

They sobered up rapidly when removal of the last Wet Wipe revealed a minature of vodka secreted in the bottom of the empty tub!!!



And...

The chalet full of curious pilots testing their newly issued REAL combo pens on an orange to shouts of "Christ look at the size of that needle!"

After half a dozen shots they drift off to bed leaving the nerve-agent proof orange on the table.

A late returnee spies the juicy orange & helps himself. Was found wandering around commenting "Bright in here isn't it!!"


...& I don't think anyone will forget the first night time panic when the Scud alarms went off. In the OC's chalet someone found the light switch... & revealed the OC trying desperately to get an NBC boot on his head.
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