Fear of Screwing Up
 

Hi All,

I recently obtained my Recreational Pilots Certificate in Australia. I find though that I have an increasing fear, not of heights, not of dying but of screwing up.

I had a very close call on my second solo flight and another recent problem with joining the circuit on crosswind.

The first occurred on my second solo flight and landing on the same runway an aircraft that had cut in front of me on the circuit had landed on. The aircraft was about 20 knots slower than mine and I nearly ran up the back of it after landing. I only avoided it by veering off the grass strip. It came to my attention that I had never been taught go-arounds before my solo flight so this was probably a gap in my knowledge but I still felt really responsible and it scared the hell out of me.

The second was after I obtained my RPC, I joined crosswind at the end of the runway (standard procedure at this uncontrolled field) and couldn't see another aircraft that was turning crosswind further upwind than me after taking off. This led to a problem with spacing which I realised was my fault in hindsight. Also thinking back on it I had never really been taught a procedure or checklist for joining the circuit, we had always just joined the circuit and it the spacing had worked during my training. Again though, I still feel responsible, I am after all, Pilot in Command.

I love flying once I am up there but the buildup to flying I find a little exhausting, doubting my abilities, wondering if I am good enough or if "this will be it". I can only fly at the weekends because of my job and I have to be honest that sometimes when I wake up and it's raining, I actually feel relieved.

Was just wondering if I am the only person who feels inadequate as a pilot, in spite of passing their flight test and for any advice about getting out of the frame of mind that I am not good enough?

Thanks!

Nerves, self doubt, over caution - they are all perfectly healthy behaviours in any pilot.

But from your description, I do wonder how well you may have been taught. Maybe a quiet trip off to another field for an hour or two with an instructor who has nothing to do with your present school, to see what they think?

G

Your fear is a good one, although I would probably describe it more of an apprehension. Hopefully it will never completely go away, but it will slowly change to an expectation that you will make mistakes. Any pilot that says he or she doesn't make mistakes should probably be avoided.

I've made thousands of mistakes in my life (not just in flying) and learnt from everyone of them. It's because of this that I intend to make many more!

Is there anybody you know with considerably more experience who could act as a buddy/mentor and fly with you occasionally to help build your confidence?

All perfectly normal healthy reactions. Sounds like there are a few gaps in your training and also, remember that any new licence is really a 'licence to learn'. Also you may have had the relevant training but not absorbed it fully, or in need of reinforcement. But you figured out what to do at the time, and learnt from it. Genghis, as usual has good advice - Fly with an instructor from another school... tell them what happened and ask them to fly with you and work on some specific tasks. Things like spacing in the circuit , especially at an uncontrolled airport, one only learns after getting a licence and making a few mistakes. Its rarely wrong to extend downwind a bit for spacing. Or to fly a bit slower. Ask to be shown some of those techniques maybe ?

One thing that I was not taught when I did my PPL,was the art of side-slipping,had to learn that myself after reading a magazine article.So useful if you are a bit high on the approach,and saved many a go-around (or overshoot,as I think we used to call it then).

Are there any professional pilots who fly recreationally at that club/airfield?

If so could you ask one of them if you could go for a flight with them as a passenger and see how they deal with issues that you find challenging yourself.

The fact that you feel you have some limitations in your ability is a good thing. Don't be overly critical but always strive to maintain the highest standards that you can. You are still new to flying, lack experience with plenty to learn. The outcome of the flight was safe so it was just part of learning and gaining experience.

A small, background fear of screwing up is wise, as long as it's not preventing you from what you should be doing for "normal" flying. After 43 years of flying, I can occasionally still feel the little fear of screwing up in the background, I listen to it, and it keeps me sharp. I've helped a lot of pilot friends who have screwed up, and attended a number of funeral, including one last week. So reminding yourself to be cautious has it's merits, just don't let it paralyze you...

There are 2 elements to the Original Posters question

1) Are you scared to screw up because you feel you don't know what to do, or

2) Are you scared to screw up because you know what to do but are not sure you can do it well enough

If it is point 1 then you need more instruction if it is point 2 then you need more practice.

I have been flying powered airplanes for over 40 years with 70 types in my logbook from 1200 lbs to 116,000 pounds private and commercially, and maintained my instructor and aerobatic instructor ratings throughout.

A few years ago I took up gliding. On my second season of gliding after being licensed I was being towed in a light single seater on a very rough day. I still don't know what happened but I lost control of the glider in a patch of severe turbulence and released the tow when I went grossly out of position. My head hurt where it had smashed into the canopy and my interest in further aviating instantly went to zero so I headed directly back to the airport and landed. The next week end I went out again and found myself very nervous on the tow, so much so I released at a lower then ideal altitude just to get off the tow which significantly shortened the flight.

The next weekend for the first time I had to force myself to go gliding. 2 years later I am still a bit nervous on the tow but just work at the flight basics but the best thing I did was not give up and stay on the tow even on the bumpy days.

Bottom line: You have got to get back on the horse even if you feel a bit nervous, it will get better.

I can't get my head around how someone can be sent solo without having demonstrated competence at deciding when to go around.

I always introduced the circuit lesson in the practice area with the "runway" at 2000 ft AGL and the circuit at 3000 ft with every final approach obviously ending with a go around. When they could fly a good circuit and a stable final approach with a competent go around we moved to the airport for the real thing.

Apologies, I didn't check the thread over the weekend.

Thank you all so much for your replies which are really reassuring to read. I really like your suggestion to go and try another airfield and instructor and see how I get on. There's one nearby but they are on the same CTAF so I might have to put an accent on : )

I must admit I haven't had much experience flying GA when I haven't been doing the flying myself! It's all been somebody teaching me and now it's just me on my lonesome up there. Spending some time with an experienced GA pilot and just watching them fly would be really beneficial for me.

I do wonder if with the first more dangerous incident in my career, some things were brushed under the carpet that I wasn't aware of. I got a roasting at the time by the CFI and with only 15 hours I didn't feel I had much room to argue with what they were saying. It's only with hindsight that I realise that things might have been missed in my training. The next lesson I had was certainly focused on go-arounds! My main instructor left shortly after that incident and after that I had a rather varied succession of instructors which probably didn't help maintain the structure either. Sometimes the personal touch can be very helpful.

Thanks again.