Customs car curiosity
 

About ten years ago I travelled overland from the UK to Bratislava. Flew back via Prague on a Sunday: one of a handful of passengers on one of only two flights departing Bratislava that day - one to Prague, one to Zurich.

The flight from Prague to London was much busier.

On landing at Heathrow the aircraft halted before it reached the stand, and a van with "Customs" writ large on its side drove up under the wing.

After a few minutes we moved forward the last few yards to the airbridge.

My backpack came through on the carousel, but I waited in vain for my Slovakian souvenir - a valaska (wooden axe-cum-walking-stick).

My Slovakian trophy was delivered to my home by courier a few days later.

Ever since I've wondered whether Customs were taking a special interest in me that day. On top of everything else, I left the UK in a car bearing Vermont (US) licence plates, which had just been shipped from the US to Germany, then driven to the UK, and then Ireland, and then back to the UK to pick me up for the journey to Bratislava! In fact I'd be rather disappointed if we didn't set off alarm bells in Thames House that week. We must have looked very very dodgey.

My First post here - but from a selection of anecdotes, I think the best ones are the ones you share with a friend or colleague -

In 2001 I visited Morocco, and flew from Lisbon to Casablanca with Regional Air - when I booked, I thought it was the French version, but it turned out to be the Moroccan one.
The outbound flight was without incident, apart from climbing over the suitcases in the aisle in the Beech 1900.

The return was from Casablanca to Malaga, with colleague from work who was not a good flyer - we were in the first row of seats, and after the F/O loaded the baggage we were off - the cockpit door remained open during taxi and the first stage of take off, but we were a bit disconcerted when on the threshold of the runway at Casablanca, the F/O reached across to press a button on the main panel, only to see the PIC slap him on the back of the hand, and say the equivalent of "Don't touch that!".

The cockpit door shut during takeoff, and the crossing of the Med was uneventful, until our approach to Malaga appeared to be a bit low - luckily, we were the only SLFs who could hear the messages from the cockpit - I convinced my colleague that the "Terrain, Terrain" noises were normal.

I guess the F/O had a few black marks for his check flight.

Sweden isn't a nation renowned for tits humour but two incidents from the 90s on board SAS MD80s (why do the Ameicans call these lovely aircraft Mad Dogs??) stick in my mind

LHR to Arlanda with the usual complement of matronly but frequently charming and delightful cabin crew- uneventful flight until we 'land' with an appalling thump much tinkling of glassware and crockery and lockers bouncig open plus a few oohs and ahs from the pax. -As we slow down and turn of the runway the 'In charge' picks up the interphone and says in their lovely lilting English 'ladies and gentlement as you may have noticed we have landed in Stockholm' -one red face on the flight deck no doubt. Oddly enough I spent the next few years commuting around Europe on SAS who were a really class act in the early 90s and it always struck my how many soft landings the MDs made and I never experienced another Rchter scale registering one like that

Two years later leaving Turku(Abo to the Swedes) in Finland on a summer Saturday afternoon. MD 87 with about 15 people on board. Rocket into the sky on take off as one might expect and commence a very tight climbing 270 degree turn seemingly inside the airfield boundary (a bit of an exageration) before rolling out on a westerly heading with the airfield many thousand feet below- brief comment from the flight deck-'we enjoyed that and hope you did too'

Lovely planes the MDs and I'll be very very sad when the last SAS one points its long long nose skywards and climbs elegantly, noisily and slightly smokily away from Heathrow and the short haul skies get even more homogenous

PB

^^^ Heh heh, he said "tits"!

I fly SQ a lot, and a few months ago, I was on one flight, think it was returning from BKK and the pilot comes on 'Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot, Captain K.P. Tan...' I felt then that if his parents had had the foresight to name him that, we should be OK.

One thing I still don't understand is how a passenger is a no-show, yet their baggage has been loaded. Where are they?

Bar/toilet/lounge tend to be the common destinations! Or just plan stupid and/or lost!!

Ive also noticed that there is always one straggler even if the flight has been delayed an hour or two...I mean, how much time do you actually need to get to the gate by departure time?! :ugh:

I made the following experience during a LH Flight out of FRA to CDG:

my seat was in the last row, so I could observe everything. Still at the gate I noticed a very nervous old lady. Before we started taxiing to the runway she got up twice and entered the toilet. When the aircraft accelerated for take off she got up again and went to the toilet again. She was brought back to her seat by a CC member. The same happened again during the climb. She was adviced to stay at her seat. But I guess she didn't understand.

Then the service started. The flight attendent was 6 rows in front of the old lady. The aft galley was'nt watched. Then she got up again entering the toilet getting immediately out again. She took a seat. A minute later she got up again - Not the toilet again, I thought! Suddenly I realized, that she hasn't entered the toilet. I did not see her either. I heard some noise in the aft galley and the CC did not notice. So, I left my seat and went to the aft galley. The old lady was trying to open the left Pax door! She already fumbled on the door handle. "What are you doing there?", I asked her. She did not understand. The CC meanwhile aware of the situation, guided her back to her seat. She told them that she thought we already reached our destination and she wanted to leave the plane. First she confused the toilet door with the exit. Obviously she was disoriented. I wouldn't let my mother travel alone if she would be in such a condition!

One thing I'm still wondering about: could one open a a/c door in flight? Somebody told me it may be possible with some older a/c types.

A few years back flying to Busuanga, Philippines on a SEA Air Let 410 with wife, young daughter, SiL and year-old grand daughter. Runway at Busuanga is 50/50 concrete/dirt. Landing OK, stopped on concrete and taxied to "terminal".
Two weks later, revving the engines against the brakes, plane jumping around a bit and then, yeeeeehaaw. All good. Not good was 20-30 cm height difference between dirt and concrete and off course we were not airborne by then, but we quickly were after hopping of the concrete and bouncing of the dirt.
I knew this. I also knew that my daughter was not totally comfortable with small aircrafts so I looked at her when said bouncing occured. Never thought human eyes could possibly become that big! Lovely place the airport at the Yulo King Ranch.
Per

Aircraft with Pressurized cabins have "Plug" type doors - meaning that at the top or side, the actual door is larger than the door-frame. This means that the door opens inwards first before rotating outwards: Pressurization loads mean that the door cannot therefore be opened in flight, having an effective weight of over a tonne.

That reminds me of another old lady incident.

Flying LCY to AMS on KLM. During boarding I notice an old lady being helped across the tarmac to the plane. Assuming that at her age she's just a little unsteady on her feet I think of nothing of it. I take my seat at the back of the Fokker 50 and she sits near the front.

I notice the cabin crew looking at her quite closely. Eventually they take a glass of water over her. They disappear for a few moments, then come back and say to her that the captain wants a word with her and can she go to the front. She says "No" firmly and turns to look out the window. The CC tell her that whilst on board the plane she must do what the captain asks. Again she says "No" and looks away. Cabin crew disappear to talk to the captain.

After some time they reappear and stand at the row behind her seat - I can't see what's going on but there's some commotion. After a short while I look out the window to see two of London's finest constables escorting the tottering old lady across the tarmac towards the terminal.

Doors are finally closed and the captain does a PA: "Firstly I'd like to apologise for our late departure and secondly for the spectacle which you've just had to endure - I'm afraid one of our passengers was clearly 'unfit to travel'".

Clearly the "little old lady" had had a few gins too many in the lounge.. ;)
Just goes to show, drunken difficult pax come in many shapes and sizes.

Fron the '70's
 

Working in DXB in '71 due home for Xmas

Only avail flight was Malaysian-Singapore from BAH;

Trouble was they didn't have rights BAH - LHR, deal was GF milk run DXB-BAH then MSA BAH - Rome think it was FCO and shortly out of Rome advise Purser that you were going to LHR

He would then arrange for you to be held at bottom of steps in Rome and ID bags to reboard - apparently this was a regular occurence;

Duly advised Purser and he said OK - 1 1/2 hours later announcement that due WX we were overflying Rome and heading for LHR

On arrival at LHR announcement for Rome pax to ID themselves, collect luggage for transfer to Rome flight

AAH - sorry missed my meeting will stay in LHR, this way I held onto the Rome - LHR coupon and some time later got some travel vouchers in return

At that time I used to get company paid ticket to LHR & UK travel allowance £40 per round trip

Home base was MME and BD didn't do add on fares, ret LHRMME was £40, not bad at least it was break even

Then I learn't of a money saving scheme book LHR/NCL return at £20, and on arrival at LHR plead with North East as it then was that DNATA in DXB HAD SCREWED UP AAGAIN!!! they then assigned ticket to BD (for round trip) and I'd saved £20!!!

If you haven't gathered I'm a Yorkshireman!!! mid '70s DXB tickets were well stitched up by DNATA, Economy was £300 return or if you couldd get it a 7-28 day return was £200 (all approx)

Had to make a quick trip to UK for family reasons didn't want to pay £200 never mind £300; only alternative was use Kanoo's (I think) who could do Ethiopian, Saudi or Syrian Arab at cut price;

Opted for Syrian Arab for £120 return

DXB - DHA - DAM then 4 hours and DAM - LHR via various points in Europe I think it was Rome. & Paris

DXB - DAM was a Caravelle ex DEL and full of hippies - Joss sticks were burning on take off!!!
Asked for a drink to calm my nerves - no beer - OK scotch promptly served a standard 75cl bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label - £1 sterling!!!

Flight had been delayed and on arrival in DAM were hustled through Passport Control for immediate backloading, a German hippie about 3 in front of me pulled a Syran Arab official over (he was heading downtown for a 24 hr layover prior to heading to Munich)

Conversation went something like this

German
"I understand it is verboeten to have an Israeli stamp in your passport?"
Syrian - going white & shaking
"Yes"
German
"What happens now?"
Syrian
"come with me" and diverting him to one side
German
"Where am I going"
Syrian
"on the next Flight!!!"
German
"Where???"
Syrian
" I don't care - Rome, Paris or London" as he side tracked him round Passport Control
Meanwhile those in earshot were doing ther best to stand clear - just in case it did hit the FAN!!!

On arrival at LHR it was about ZERO and the hippies were still in their 'homespun' on the bus in from the qaircraft!!!
They also seemed HURT when they attracted the attention of HM Customs