Amusing PA announcements
 

The one I like best is being told that "photography is not allowed over XXXX territory", when all you have to do is go to Google Maps to see it all. ;)

One country with this phobia is India....there must be others, too.

How about..."Please remain seated with your seatbelt securly fastened and leaving all items of handluggage safely stowed until the aircraft comes to a complete halt and the Captain has switched off the fasten seatbelt sign"!!!! I mean like, Oh my god....how outrageous? Why would you possible want to stay in your seat once youve landed?

Paddy, if you had any idea how many pax regularly get up before the a/c comes to a complete standstill at the gate then you would understand why that announcement is made. Mind you, announcement or not, in some countries it doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

My all-time fav: "Doors to automatic and cross dress"

followed by "Use the red tube to top up air if needed, and there's also a light to attract the sharks".

Avman, I think you need to look up the meaning of the word "irony". There's a lot of it about.


I once read about an aircraft going to somewhere in eastern Europe, and had to divert for weather reasons. Don't know which airline, but I think local, and the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, because of bad weather, I regret to announce the aircraft is going to Split."

A short shap dab of the brakes to bring us to a halt I find cures this problem. :E

Travelling on a B727 landing at Newark USA mid 1970s. Looked out of the window prior to touchdown and the sink rate looked a bit high - then the heaviest landing I have ever experienced on any flight - most of the hatracks come open.

As we clear the runway Captain comes on "Well folks I guess the only thing we can say about the landing is that we have arrived in New York - have a nice weekend!"

Late on a Sunday evening LTN into EDI with EZY. The CC were (I learnt afterwards) at the end of what had been along day of shuttling back and forth to Scotland.

As we turn off the active and start trundling to the apron, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to ... [a long pause]" As with one voice the pax chorused - "Edinburgh!!!" :p

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"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different." Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I love the Big Air "Thank you , cabin crew, for alll your hard work, please take your seats for landing."

One of my Seniors made a very amusing PA once which literally had the whole cabin in stitches....

2 weeks later he was pulled into the office and was told of several pax complaints saying his PA was very unprefessional and not to do it againl:{

I used to have a laugh on my PA's but its not worth it now, because some pax are just waiting to get you into trouble:yuk:

Most amusing has got to be....

Sit back, relax and enjoy the flight

Pandora Might be worth remembering that you are not a nervous flyer.

A surprising number are and what may be hilarious to your colleagues, may scare some.

If a CC scares a passenger with a "funny PA", then the experience of that pax is bad and they may well compain (although I bet that a lot more suffer it in silence.)

As a frequent flyer, I'm not nervous, but I have heard most of these PAs many times and to be honest I'd rather have deliberate humour from a professional comedian, who has the skill to deliver it properly, although the odd moment of humour can be good, especially if it is spontaneous.

A couple of months ago, our airbus had just arrived on stand at London in the late evening and shutdown when there was a interuption to the power supply and the cabin lights all flicked off, but there was enough light through the windows to see clearly. Quick as a flash, one of the CC shouted out "has anyone got a quid for the meter?" Now I did find that very funny.

A quid?

Used to be a shilling. There's inflation for you.

PAXboy - that happened on my flight LTN-EDI as well ....

Jordan

On a flight to Toronto the PA was talking about the safety film and said "please pay attention as there will be a short test on it during the flight" - cue look of terror from some senile americans :)

Jimlad - on my last Westbound Gatwick/Orlando with Virgin Atlantic they not only threatened a quiz on the safety video - they DID one (and I won a bottle of Champagne for it).

They simply asked the pax, "How many emergency exits are there on this Boeing 747-400?".

Most of the peeps counted the exit signs on the ceiling, five, the brighter ones then doubled it to get ten.

NOT ONE of the downstairs SLF thought about the upper deck doors - and presumably, not one had the sense to look at the safety card in the seat pocket.

The crew also ran a drawing competition for the kids - asked them to draw "The Captain" (but they had to make it up as they'd never seen him.

Heard on Australian (Bless em) SYD-MEL
"Please make sure you check the overhead locker for any young family members you may have left there"............

Overheard on a LOCO, "As we have a limited amount of time for our turnaround we would appreciate the help of some passengers in cleaning the cabin. If you would like to volunteer please leave your seat before the aircraft has come to a complete standstill and the Captain has switched off the seatbelt sign."

On an early flight with LH few years back, the captain before TO, to avoid the usual "we are now at 3xxxxfeet etc etc" during the flight:

"I know most of you want to sleep, so I won't bore you with details and I will not make an announcement during the flight. We will be flying very high and very fast and we will arrive on time"

And that's really all I wanted to know :-)

We had a Captain and CC on easyJet that just made our flight from Liverpool back home to Malaga last year. What a team they were and it all got off to a start when the Captain apologised for the minor delay to start-up as they were still searching for the keys and operating manual. The whole trip was so enjoyable thanks to the fantastic crew and the routine that they had going between flight deck and cabin. We had just come off a Virgin flight from the States travelling in Club Class and were dreading the onward connection especially after the attitude of the ground staff in Liverpool.

Whoever crewed the 17 something departure from LPL to AGP on 20th November 2004... THANK YOU :ok: