Congratulations to Security
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Congratulations to Security
I think it is time a note of appreciation for the hard working security staff at the airports was posted. They are showing a high degree of sophisticated analysis of the security threat, and I think many people underestimate how much they work at it. For example, on Friday 7th March I was travelling from BHX to NCL taking the 8:30 flight. The security authorities had clearly undertaken an analysis and it had been determined that it was vital for aircraft safety that all passengers take off their belts. This was not just a crude blanket rule though, because one of the security staff came along and went straight to the front of the queue, put his stuff in the tray, but apparently the belts worn by security staff pose no threat and it was not necessary for him to take his off. But the subtlety doesn't stop there.. within a week, the authorities had undertaken further work on the risk posed by belts, and when I took exactly the same flight on Friday 14th March, belts were no longer a threat. Clearly, terrorists had stopped using belts for their dastardly plans and the security authorities at BHX had responded quickly. Interestingly, on the return flight from NCL to BHX on the same day however, North East terrorists were still posing a serious belt threat and so naturally, security at NCL were on to it and were demanding that all belts be tested. Where else in the world would this degree of effort be made to ensure that we are kept safe, and the risk assessment be of such a high standard that it can deduce the risk to such minute detail.
Although belts continued to pose a serious threat at NCL, knives appear to be less of threat. Having passed through security at NCL I spend some time in the BA Terraces lounge. Here you can help yourself to a nice knife to butter your bread. You might think that this would pose a threat to the security of the aircraft, because as we know, these are banned. However, after careful and detailed worldwide analysis of the patterns of terrorist behaviour it was determined that terrorists do not travel business class or pay to use the airport lounges and it is therefore safe. Well done!
Meanwhile, on a trip from GLA to LHR, my unused bar of Pears soap was found to be entirely safe. The following day, from LHR to GLA (and after it had been used), it clearly became a volatile compound that posed a significant threat and was removed. Such is the security that it was not possible to disclose to me what the actual threat posed by a used bar of Pears soap was, but it is reassuring to know that they are there protecting me.
Lastly, in another remarkable security development, cars have been banned from drop off at BHX to prevent terrorist incidents such as the one that happened at GLA. The airport security at BHX however have discovered a new way to reduce the threat. Six metres from the old drop off point is a new drop off point. This new drop off point has a new, remarkable deterrent to prevent terrorist incidents. The BHX authorities have imposed a charge of £1 for 20 minutes. This simple new rule apparently deters the terrorists and will prevent them from driving their car bombs into the drop off zone. This is an amazing discovery and really should be introduced worldwide.
I hope that this post will allay the fears of those cynics who fear that security has just become an profit point for companies who supply people who are too stupid/fat to be a policeman, but feel the need to wear a uniform and act important. Far from it, we have a highly sophisticated security service, constantly monitoring the threat from belts, pens and soap and adjusting it accordingly to keep us all safe. Well done.
Although belts continued to pose a serious threat at NCL, knives appear to be less of threat. Having passed through security at NCL I spend some time in the BA Terraces lounge. Here you can help yourself to a nice knife to butter your bread. You might think that this would pose a threat to the security of the aircraft, because as we know, these are banned. However, after careful and detailed worldwide analysis of the patterns of terrorist behaviour it was determined that terrorists do not travel business class or pay to use the airport lounges and it is therefore safe. Well done!
Meanwhile, on a trip from GLA to LHR, my unused bar of Pears soap was found to be entirely safe. The following day, from LHR to GLA (and after it had been used), it clearly became a volatile compound that posed a significant threat and was removed. Such is the security that it was not possible to disclose to me what the actual threat posed by a used bar of Pears soap was, but it is reassuring to know that they are there protecting me.
Lastly, in another remarkable security development, cars have been banned from drop off at BHX to prevent terrorist incidents such as the one that happened at GLA. The airport security at BHX however have discovered a new way to reduce the threat. Six metres from the old drop off point is a new drop off point. This new drop off point has a new, remarkable deterrent to prevent terrorist incidents. The BHX authorities have imposed a charge of £1 for 20 minutes. This simple new rule apparently deters the terrorists and will prevent them from driving their car bombs into the drop off zone. This is an amazing discovery and really should be introduced worldwide.
I hope that this post will allay the fears of those cynics who fear that security has just become an profit point for companies who supply people who are too stupid/fat to be a policeman, but feel the need to wear a uniform and act important. Far from it, we have a highly sophisticated security service, constantly monitoring the threat from belts, pens and soap and adjusting it accordingly to keep us all safe. Well done.
Last edited by jimworcs; 15th Mar 2008 at 08:38.
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These belt wielding terrorists must also have been in action in Florida too. I was on a flight from MAN-MCO at the end of January - no belt problems but had to taste baby food in front of them. Two weeks later on the way back I had to remove my belt for scanning but baby food was fine.
I think they are rotating the threat to keep those wily terrorists on their toes. Funny though how BHX are making profit from the measures though although not as scandalous as 'offsetting' your carbon emissions which, yes, you've guessed it, costs money too!
Before we landed we were given a sob story about how the planet is dying but if you dig deep into your wallets (what a surprise) you can save it.
Maybe the next step is that you pay for extra security!
I think they are rotating the threat to keep those wily terrorists on their toes. Funny though how BHX are making profit from the measures though although not as scandalous as 'offsetting' your carbon emissions which, yes, you've guessed it, costs money too!
Before we landed we were given a sob story about how the planet is dying but if you dig deep into your wallets (what a surprise) you can save it.
Maybe the next step is that you pay for extra security!
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Already been done.. at LPL
LPL airport has introduced a new scheme... longer lines for security, kept deliberately slow with only one screening machine. Then, some bright spark came up with the idea of charging for a "fast track" security.. £5 gets you through. As we know, charging deters terrorists, so perhaps we could just pay a fiver and bypass screening altogether!
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LMAO, funny thread,
Heading from BFS to YYZ about a year ago. Security took my cigarette lighter from me and told me it could cause a huge threat while enroute. Suggested that a terrorist might like to light the plane on fire. I gave them the nice lighter without hessitation and proceeded through to the departure area. To my amazment I found a few smoking areas. I asked someone for a light and they pulled out a lighter. confussed I asked them how they got passed security with it. I was told " ah, I just went to the shop beside the bar. They sell them there". Security must have just tought there was something up with my lighter and that the one's sold after you go through security were of a safer nature.
Hope they keep up the good work.
Heading from BFS to YYZ about a year ago. Security took my cigarette lighter from me and told me it could cause a huge threat while enroute. Suggested that a terrorist might like to light the plane on fire. I gave them the nice lighter without hessitation and proceeded through to the departure area. To my amazment I found a few smoking areas. I asked someone for a light and they pulled out a lighter. confussed I asked them how they got passed security with it. I was told " ah, I just went to the shop beside the bar. They sell them there". Security must have just tought there was something up with my lighter and that the one's sold after you go through security were of a safer nature.
Hope they keep up the good work.
Last edited by Ricky1; 15th Mar 2008 at 09:16. Reason: typo
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I think the security person needed Pears Soap. Obliviously it didn’t cause a rash so it is safe to use. I believe they share what is confiscated. One of the perks of the job I suppose.
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It's blatantly obvious from the above posts that we need the immediate introduction of a Belt Tax, Baby Food Tax and most important of all a Rucksack Tax, all three of which must be increased annually in accordance with the well tried and tested "escalator" system as applied to petrol!
Oh and bye the way, and completely off subject, but if the whole human race entered into a suicide pact tomorrow, would the climate stop changing?.............No thought not!
Oh and bye the way, and completely off subject, but if the whole human race entered into a suicide pact tomorrow, would the climate stop changing?.............No thought not!
Last edited by skysod; 15th Mar 2008 at 10:40.
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I like the one of the Prune FO who was not permitted to take her own sandwiches through security when she was about to go flying from LHR. Clearly there could have been explosive mustard or mayonaise or maybe a deadly poison in the sandwich. Reluctantly she gave up her sandwich and sped off in a hurry. After a couple of minutes she realised she had left something at security. She walked back to the area of the scanner, to find the security guard who had confiscated her sandwich as a lethal weapon, stood to one side eating her deadly sandwiches!!!
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Ahh, but the deep seated sense of impending doom goes even further thanks to a rigorous training scheme introduced at GLA. Whilst trying to perpetrate a nefarious scheme of operating an aircraft from GLA to LGW I was apprehended by a member of the A1 security team whilst going through the passenger check-in channel.
My despicable crime was to be in possession of a METAL club fork! This threw the said security guard into his in ground ultra security mode where he proceeded to announce to me, and all of my passengers, in a loud voice that I was carrying a BANNED fork. The said inflammatory item had obviously undergone some molecular transformation that made it highly dangerous in comparison to the other 150 forks in the aircraft catering trollies.
Bravely putting my head above the parapet, without the benefit of years of unswerving courage in the face of terrorist threat, I asked why! To my, and the passengers horror, he informed me, in my uniform, with my Airside pass, that I COULD FORCE MY WAY INTO THE COCKPIT WITH IT! My faith in security was restored, how could I have been so stupid not to see such a simple threat before my eyes. The terrorists would have picked up on it straight away! Forced their way through the cockpit door, stolen my fork, closed the door then attacked it from the outside with the fork and with religious zeal! What door could withstand that!
My fork, sadly, had to go
Our security hero did seem a little non plussed and somewhat noncommittal when I asked him, in his professional opinion, whether it was safe to load 5 tonnes of explosive liquid into the wings?
He went to his manager, the flight was delayed
W2P
My despicable crime was to be in possession of a METAL club fork! This threw the said security guard into his in ground ultra security mode where he proceeded to announce to me, and all of my passengers, in a loud voice that I was carrying a BANNED fork. The said inflammatory item had obviously undergone some molecular transformation that made it highly dangerous in comparison to the other 150 forks in the aircraft catering trollies.
Bravely putting my head above the parapet, without the benefit of years of unswerving courage in the face of terrorist threat, I asked why! To my, and the passengers horror, he informed me, in my uniform, with my Airside pass, that I COULD FORCE MY WAY INTO THE COCKPIT WITH IT! My faith in security was restored, how could I have been so stupid not to see such a simple threat before my eyes. The terrorists would have picked up on it straight away! Forced their way through the cockpit door, stolen my fork, closed the door then attacked it from the outside with the fork and with religious zeal! What door could withstand that!
My fork, sadly, had to go
Our security hero did seem a little non plussed and somewhat noncommittal when I asked him, in his professional opinion, whether it was safe to load 5 tonnes of explosive liquid into the wings?
He went to his manager, the flight was delayed
W2P
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Interstingly there also appears to be some software upgrade to the X-Ray machines. It would appear that they can x-ray and declare safe a whole case of (insert liquid drink of your choice here) that is being delivered to the expensive shop, but the same machine is incapable of carrying out the same test to a single bottle that you try to carry through.
I wonder if I pop along to the local cash and carry and buy a case of my favourite soft drink if I can get through claiming it as a delivery (to my locker)
I wonder if I pop along to the local cash and carry and buy a case of my favourite soft drink if I can get through claiming it as a delivery (to my locker)
Kiwiland
The top 10% of airport security staff have the brains, social skills and charm required for the wheel clamp unit and are promoted to this department of their companies quite quickly. I'm afraid we are stuck with the remainder 
Paid...Persona Grata
Jim, you said,
, only thing I could find at fault in your post. Does such a person really exist??
Was amused to see the news last night, opening of LHR T5. Reporter showing us the new terminal "We can't show you the security, but I am assured there will be enough checkpoints to cope with any demand", whereupon the camera fast-forwarded through the security gates. Of course we can all see the danger in being allowed to see the security checkpoints on TV before we have to go there and walk through them. Or will we be going through blindfolded??
UFO
companies who supply people who are too stupid/fat to be a policeman
Was amused to see the news last night, opening of LHR T5. Reporter showing us the new terminal "We can't show you the security, but I am assured there will be enough checkpoints to cope with any demand", whereupon the camera fast-forwarded through the security gates. Of course we can all see the danger in being allowed to see the security checkpoints on TV before we have to go there and walk through them. Or will we be going through blindfolded??
UFO
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Letter in The Glasgow Herald from an airline captain:
May I use this forum to express my gratitude to the vigilant Glasgow
Airport security personnel who narrowly foiled a potentially horrible
terrorist atrocity last week.
As an airline captain I am very conscious that security is a team effort.
It's in my interest that all the links in the security chain are pulling
together in our efforts to keep the "baddies" off the aircraft. After all,
we pilots are usually the first to arrive at the scene of a crash, and that
is a fate we constantly strive to avoid. With this in mind, I naively
proceeded in uniform to my aircraft in the assumption that we crews were
"on side" with security.
Imagine, then, my horror when a sharp-eyed security person identified in my
flight bag last Friday a small bottle of Tabasco sauce (used by myself to
dull the horrors of airline catering). This item had transited security
many times over the past few months by virtue of a shocking application of
common sense and intelligent judgment by this guard's colleagues.
As I sat locked inside the flight deck with all the controls, a fire axe
and more than 100 tons of fuelled-up airliner in my hands, imagine the
chilli-based havoc I could have inflicted with this deadly substance.
Indeed, had the first officer smuggled a similar-sized bottle of ketchup
through security, the liquids could have been combined to produce a
potentially lethal barbecue marinade.
I consider the 10 minutes that the security team at Glasgow devoted to
publicly and loudly confiscating this item from my bag to have been another
minor victory in the "war on terror".
Thank heavens we are keeping our eye firmly on the ball.
May I use this forum to express my gratitude to the vigilant Glasgow
Airport security personnel who narrowly foiled a potentially horrible
terrorist atrocity last week.
As an airline captain I am very conscious that security is a team effort.
It's in my interest that all the links in the security chain are pulling
together in our efforts to keep the "baddies" off the aircraft. After all,
we pilots are usually the first to arrive at the scene of a crash, and that
is a fate we constantly strive to avoid. With this in mind, I naively
proceeded in uniform to my aircraft in the assumption that we crews were
"on side" with security.
Imagine, then, my horror when a sharp-eyed security person identified in my
flight bag last Friday a small bottle of Tabasco sauce (used by myself to
dull the horrors of airline catering). This item had transited security
many times over the past few months by virtue of a shocking application of
common sense and intelligent judgment by this guard's colleagues.
As I sat locked inside the flight deck with all the controls, a fire axe
and more than 100 tons of fuelled-up airliner in my hands, imagine the
chilli-based havoc I could have inflicted with this deadly substance.
Indeed, had the first officer smuggled a similar-sized bottle of ketchup
through security, the liquids could have been combined to produce a
potentially lethal barbecue marinade.
I consider the 10 minutes that the security team at Glasgow devoted to
publicly and loudly confiscating this item from my bag to have been another
minor victory in the "war on terror".
Thank heavens we are keeping our eye firmly on the ball.
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lethal weapon
Having arrived after a 9hr 30min flight at Orlando from Dublin we had to go a full 'departure' like security check on arrival!!!
Anyway, security found the half full small bottle of water I had with me posed a security check in Florida!
Having spent over 10 hours on board the EI '330' with a half empty bottle of water it is interesting to know that at ground level it is now a possible LETHAL WEAPON.
Oh dear.
Anyway, security found the half full small bottle of water I had with me posed a security check in Florida!
Having spent over 10 hours on board the EI '330' with a half empty bottle of water it is interesting to know that at ground level it is now a possible LETHAL WEAPON.
Oh dear.
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We arrived on a connecting (domestic) flight into SFO and had a similar experience that what was safe on the first flight was no longer safe for the following international flight. The bottle in my son's carry-on was full (I'd forgotten it was there or I'd have drunk it) and got spotted at the security check. What was interesting is that the empty bottle in my carry-on was not, so I could have filled it at a suitable airside water fountain.
Paxing All Over The World
Last Tuesday (11th) I was on the short hop MAN~IOM and apart from the failure of the check-in luggage system, so that everyone had to take their bags to be deposited manually one-at-a-time to a fellow who was being patient and diligent, the airport was fine ...
My hand case was pulled and had to be searched. Eventually, they decided that what was a problem was my MagLite torch. It is the small one with two AA batteries. I have been carrying one of these for 20 years (each time I lose it, I buy another). They sent this back to be x-rayed all by itself as "It looked like a fork". That is, a pencil shaped torch, looked like a fork. Lucky I wasn't carrying that 2.5 Kg laptop (bash someone across the head with that and they will be temporarily discommoded) but all was well. They also used their sniffer pad system on several items in my hand case. I wonder what chemical analysis the machine made off the wrapper of a Kit-Kat (Chunky)?
On the belt issue, at MAN, belts were not to be taken off or (in my queue) shoes. The following day, IOM~LGW, it was no belts off but it was shoes off. As they only have a single channel, it meant that ALL belts were safe.
In the past, the IOM metal arch scanner has clearly been set at a higher sensitivity, as it reacts to things that the ones at LTN or LGW do not. The staff deny this and say that all scanners/detectors are set to the same sensitivity. However, they ALL miss the sharp blade that I carry with me. For more than five years, this blade - both straight edge and serrated - of 4 cm length, goes through every time. I have reached the point that I will not mind if they do eventually confiscate it, as it is so much fun each time they miss it. The blade will do a lot more damage to a human than my MagLite torch.
My hand case was pulled and had to be searched. Eventually, they decided that what was a problem was my MagLite torch. It is the small one with two AA batteries. I have been carrying one of these for 20 years (each time I lose it, I buy another). They sent this back to be x-rayed all by itself as "It looked like a fork". That is, a pencil shaped torch, looked like a fork. Lucky I wasn't carrying that 2.5 Kg laptop (bash someone across the head with that and they will be temporarily discommoded) but all was well. They also used their sniffer pad system on several items in my hand case. I wonder what chemical analysis the machine made off the wrapper of a Kit-Kat (Chunky)?
On the belt issue, at MAN, belts were not to be taken off or (in my queue) shoes. The following day, IOM~LGW, it was no belts off but it was shoes off. As they only have a single channel, it meant that ALL belts were safe.
In the past, the IOM metal arch scanner has clearly been set at a higher sensitivity, as it reacts to things that the ones at LTN or LGW do not. The staff deny this and say that all scanners/detectors are set to the same sensitivity. However, they ALL miss the sharp blade that I carry with me. For more than five years, this blade - both straight edge and serrated - of 4 cm length, goes through every time. I have reached the point that I will not mind if they do eventually confiscate it, as it is so much fun each time they miss it. The blade will do a lot more damage to a human than my MagLite torch.
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I tend to take my belt off for security as a matter of course, because it's got a metal buckle and it might set off a detector with the sensitivity wound up. Given that I'm normally stood in a queue with nothing better to do, it's not a problem given all the other hassles of emptying pockets and sorting out the bag of liquids and taking off my jacket.
However, a few years ago I went through a metal detector in a federal building in San Francisco and set off the detector there. The guard suggested I go back through the gate and try again with my hands over the belt buckle. This did the trick and I passed on the second attempt.
However, a few years ago I went through a metal detector in a federal building in San Francisco and set off the detector there. The guard suggested I go back through the gate and try again with my hands over the belt buckle. This did the trick and I passed on the second attempt.
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Yesterday at EDI, I had to surrender my shampoo & shower gel to security. They were both in identical 80ml bottles inside my clear, resealable plastic bag. The reason for confiscation? The bottles were not marked with their capacity. These are the same bottles I've used since January when I started the MAN-EDI commute. EDI security have checked these bottles six times aready.
This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. Security at EDI were over-zealous or in desparate need of a shower.
2. I have breached security 13 times over the last 7 weeks with these bottles, and it's a lucky thing that such dangerous items were finally confiscated.
I did ask how much sugar and weedkiller I could take on board. Apparently there's no restriction.
What a complete waste of time airport security is.
This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. Security at EDI were over-zealous or in desparate need of a shower.
2. I have breached security 13 times over the last 7 weeks with these bottles, and it's a lucky thing that such dangerous items were finally confiscated.
I did ask how much sugar and weedkiller I could take on board. Apparently there's no restriction.
What a complete waste of time airport security is.
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It has to be completely demoralising having to enforce security instructions that you know are idiotic. I suppose that is one reason for the high turnover of staff and apparent quality of same.
Ah marmite - you either love it or hate it. Terminal 3 security at LHR must hate it as they took a small jar off me. When I asked why, the nice man said it could make 100 litres of potentially dangerous liquid!! Enough said.
