Guys, give me a sample of your PA
 

Please tell me what you say giving an example

thanks boys

That all depends!
 

Im not a guy, but mearly a chique ..... so I guess I have no place in answering this but any how...

If I could please have your attention for a few moments..... X Aviation, Capt Y, and FO Z would like to welcome aboard and wish a "good morning/afternoon/evening" to passengers travelling to X. We would like to draw you attention to the safety features aboard out aircraft (safety brief according to acraft type), We expect to be landing at .... in (hours/minutes) ... we expect pleasant flight conditions this morning (or any problems / rough weather expected) We will update you as we approach X and we hope you enjoy your flight with X Aviation.

This changed very little from single pilot to multi pilot situations... The safety brief included exits, life jackets, life rafts if applicable, and the inevitable quip in return to that eternal question "wheres the parachutes?" or "but youre a woman" .... mmm that had actually occurred to me in the shower this morning but thankyou for noticing...

Scenic pax always got a brief of expected sights even though a running commentary was conducted.

I also have observed... that many passengers have never listened to many of the pilots briefings.... they ask questions (not picking on the ones who have hearing impediments or english as a second language (if at all)) - those folks I welcome any questions from.... its those people with their tired or vacant "I do this all the time.. I dont have to put up with listening" demenour, I find are going to inevitably get them selves into the proverbial excrement...

the gravy stroke™
 

i see youre new round here, She-Chewie. lucky i found you before the halfwits, dimwits, nitwits, and imbeciles did.

so you want to know about pas. turns out i know a thing or two.

mainly this: the average punter down the back is less interested in hearing our nasal tones and MORE interested in:

-checking out the tarts' (FAs) arses.

-tuning into the "free" movies. always pushes their buttons when you cut in right as vin diesel's about to deliver his line about that chic in XXX. haha...

-jamming the first of many free cans of beer down their bogun necks as fast as possible, thereby anaesthetisiing their feral hides against the rigours of hours spent wallowing in their own filth and arse-cheek seat grooves.

-immediately going onto the 'kin jd and coke and telling 'kin everyone for 6 rows about their 'kin rotty or pit bull 'kin terrier and the 'kin hotted up commodore, mate , with the 'kin hotty twin chrome-plated 'kin overhead 'kin cams, mate...ye-eeeeeeeah...

-checking out the tarts' (FAs) arses (again) and maybe trying a bogun pick-up line theyve been working on.

-telling everyone for 7 rows how fat the tart's arse is, who moments ago he was working his "charms" on but who just understandably knocked back his redneck bevan advances.

we are not talking about the royal family here. nowadays every man and his ugg-boot wearing rotty is on a plane. they just want you to shut up and "wheres the free stuff, ay?"

that said, it does really bother them when you inject cheer and joy into your voice at the end of a marathon haul, knowing you've slept through most of it in relative comfort while (oh maintaining a constant vigil OF COURSE) they've silently been working on their DVTs and rotting in a space that'd make a Hanoi Hilton solitary inmate wanna jump up and start swinging a cat.

generally most of the plebes arent interested in listening to our crap.

gravy™

ps edited to add signature items and say damn beaten to it while thinking up good material.

Something along the lines of -
"




"


(I'm flying freight at the moment)

Gud apinun tru long olgera man na meri, mi numbwan keptin long dispela balus, Na mi hamamas tru long olgera man na meri baim balus ron long Nadzab.

Tupela gutpela meri wok long dispela balus, na sapos yupela laikin ti kopi prutjuce, yupela can toktok long tupela meri na oli bai helpim yupela.

Na sampela liklik ren na smok emi stap. Na bai yumi kamap long Nadzab klostu long lusim wanpela ten minut long trekilok long apinun.

Mi laik tenkyu tru long yupela harim toktok bilong mi.

Apart from that, have a nice flight!

Nice to know that after ten or so years I can still understand tok pisin. Thanks Sharpie; it gave me a good laugh1:D :D



You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.

Why don't you just sod off shi! ;)

left speechless!
 

*still wiping the tears of laughter from my face* :p

Actual PA given by a good mate of mine years ago...he's now an Airbus Captain...done in a real ozzie accent and no he wasn't poking fun, that I'm aware of.

"Gidday ladeez and genelmen this is First Officer blah speakin and on behalf of Captain Bloggs and our cabin crew I'd likta welcome you on board flight XXX. Our track tonight takes us south ta Cairns past Osprey Reef...so called because from SOME angles it looksa lot like an Osprey!! Passengas on the left side should get a good view...oh...no yas won't 'cause it's dark. Flight time ta Cairns is approximately 1 hour tweny and passengers on the RHS should geta great view of Cairns and the Northern Beaches as we descen inta Cairns....actually the weathers not great so ya probably won't. So sit back, relax and enjoy the flight an thanx for choosing to fly... (Like they had a choice:D)

In the back us deadheaders were in stitches.

Chuck.:D

Sharpie.

"...klostu long lusim wanpela ten minut long trekilok long apinun."

I guess that was the 8.00 am service ex POM, or the previous day's service after a slight delay?

"...gutpela meri wok long dispela balus."

Really? Time have changed since I left PNG!

:} :}

mo_gravy, you're a bl**dy funny b*stard!! you've made my day!!:ok:

" Sit down, Shut up, and hold on!!"

"and you my sexy lady can sit up here";)


But never ever let your passenger here during a flight
"Oh Sh@T!":}

"Good morning/afternoon/evening, L&G`s. I regret to advise you that there was a mistake in the price of your tickets and that you are now requested to pay another $50 each to the F.O., who`ll be passing through the cabin with his cap.
Have a nice flight."

As reported on a US carrier...

Morning

High
Fast
Smooth
Soon

Gidday

Mo, that was without a shadow of the doubt the funniest and truest post ever, one problem though..................you are describing VB pax but you speak of in flight entertainment ??:E

I am with Amos"sod off" tosser....

oops look i spilt my gravy™
 

i'm with annos?
sod off?
tosser?

ah, tosser, i get it... funny because everytime i look at that thread title i keep thinking it says:

"guys give me a sample of your DNA".

gravy™

Typical PA in PNG !!
 

Apinun tru ol man na meri.

Igat sumpela yungpela meri istap long balus, inap sumpela meri inap long rausim klos bilong ol.

Inap ol i kum na sindaun long leg bilong ol pilot pastaim.

Na wokim sumpela liklik wok pastaim dispela liklik wok em inap ol kaikai kok bilong pilot mungi pastaim.

Na ba balus ken ron gud.

Tenkyu tru olgeta.

Lukim yupela bihain taim.

;) :D :p :} :ok:

hachiouji-shi next to yokota?

Hachiouji-shi

Welcome aboard PPrune Airways.

You will notice that the cockpit door will be locked throughout the flight. This is because we do not wish to have anything to do with you miserable lot of scabs and other assorted riff raff.

Should you, like most other passengers we carry, find our service less than friendly, may we suggest you choose an alternate carrier, perhaps one with typhoid or cholera.

You may have noticed we are encountering some turbulence on this thread.

We suggest, for your safety and comfort, you hold your drink in one hand and your nuts in the other, after you have paid for them of course.

Have a pleasant flight with PPrune

;)