Kinda sounds like:

"How's the weather?"
"5k and 500ft"

Experienced that a few times :E

ATC "Your destination now has 60 mins holding required,advise endurance"
Aeroplane "Amended endurance,now 240mins"
ATC "Where did you get the extra fuel?"
Aeroplane "same place you got the weather"

Had to do a few ILS into Melbourne many years ago, the weather was pretty low. Got the Sewer Pipe onto the ground each time and when asked what the cloud base was, all I could say was, "fluctuating around a minima."

ATC'er must have had something good on the TV to watch this night, back of clock as usual we got from 80nm out cleared to descend 2000, not below DME steps once established on the T-Vasis cleared visual approach, cleared to land, no requirements on ground, taxi to the bay have a good night.

Nig

Flying DHC4 Caribou "WMBT XX maintain best speed to the field" :ok:

(I stuffed the sequence and this is a last ditch effort to fix it)

and

"Mel CNT xxxx maintaining FL240"

(I'm maintaing FL240)

"xxx ML CNT G'day)

(I don't care, the guy on the previous sector couldn't be stuffed dealing with you)

On the airways
 

Some goodies there.

What ever happened to the back page "on the airways" of the Australian Aviation mag?

Canned it because apparently CASA started to chase people after stories were published !

Darwin Delay
 

Lostwingnut

Sorry mate, sounds like something I would have done in Darwin.

opps!

One of my favourites:

12 aircraft approaching perth from different radials with the same ETA.

After some thinking time, CENT declares, "all aircraft reduce by 30kts"....

ABC are you TCAS equipped?
ABC negative
Disregard then....:ok:

"With your concurrence ABC is direct to..."
("I've already given direct, you have to say yes.")

"Are you happy with the distance between these two?"
("I'm not happy with the distance between these two and I want them off my freq")

"Are you happy with the distance between those two?"
("I'm not accepting that, don't even try to hand them off.")

"FNP due slower preceding traffic..."
"(Oh bugger, FNP isn't an F100 is it.)

"Approach will advise on first contact if speed restrictions can be cancelled."
"(Number one in the sequence has max speed, but its a heavy airbus and we are not hopeful.)

"Change of sequence, cancel fix time, increase to max speed, track direct to a 5 mile final."
("We were correct not to be hopeful.")

"Standby"

I am not actually endorsed to control aircraft on this sector but as we only have one controller available today, for a period of 5 hours, he`s had to take a "short break". Don`t worry though, he has left me specific instructions as to what i can do ( basically nothing other than cross my fingers and hope he returns soon!):ok:


"The Flow has moved you up in the sequence"

Maestro has amended the order again without me noticing.

"Due congestion in the Terminal Area"

I didn`t notice you were that quick and you are now 3 minutes early for approach.

"Request a spot wind and ride report"

I`m not sure if you called and i forgot to tick the appropriate box.

Roger Sir,

Did someone say "Libya"?

Maybe you have to be at 200' to fully appreciate the Kilmore Gap. We flew through there last Saturday - looked like the Kilmore Basin to me! :E

Dr :8

Nice one 2 dogs, B717 Vref ( unless extremely light ) and the C310s cruise IAS are approx the same, around 130IAS, good story tho ;)

Not quite a lie, but asking a question that you don't really need the answer too.... One I've used in the past....

"ABC, report your shoe size"

Just wanted the pilot to say something so I could get a reading on the VDF (VHF Direction Finder) so that I could get him in sight.

"Report your birthdate", "...mother's maiden name", "...uncle's address", "...bra size" all work well too.

Usually followed by a "Errrr, say again tower?" and that works just great!!!

Kilmore
 

If you're not navigating by reference to the headlights of the cars on the freeway then you're too high.....

Heard the following by Brisy Tower the other night when one of the Flying Doc B200's had just gotten airborne off 01 with a jet lined up and ready behind them.

"XXX we're looking for speed tonight, not altitude"
Hurry up and get out of the way!

morno

I am surprised that nobody has posted this....

Greg Russell:
You are all getting a 15% pay rise, and we have 200 new controllers to plug the gaps so you guys can have a proper roster and some holidays!

J:E

Don't know what 310 you were flying hongkongfooey, but most of the ones i know of are just a tad faster in the cruise.

Great thread guys here guys. I love it.