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Advice for fiction

Old 21st Nov 2019, 01:16
  #1 (permalink)  
isw
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Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 1
Advice for fiction

Hi all
Newbie here. Not sure if this is the correct type of forum to ask this kind of advice but anyway... I am writing a fictional account of a plane flying over an airbase and trying to write an authentic ATC communication sequence. Is anyone able to give me helpful thoughts on the following text ...and if it makes sense? Thanks in advance.

"Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control Lima Foxtrot Mike Yankee, request cross at Provence.
Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control Lima Foxtrot Mike Yankee, this is X-ray Romeo Three Nine Nine requesting cross at Provence.
X-ray Romeo Three Nine Nine, Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control standby.
X-ray Romeo Three Nine Nine, Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control advise intentions.

Aircraft identification and type, departure and destination points, present position, level and flight conditions, crossing or entry position, requested crossing level and estimate for that position.
Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control, X-ray Romeo Three Nine Nine is a Royal air Force Transport Command for 216 Squadron and is a de Havilland Comet 4C from Wyton airbase United Kingdom to Bayt al Falaj airport, Oman. We are 20 miles North West of Salon-de-Provence, VRP at 1000 feet, VMC request transit your CTA, estimate 450 knots.

X-ray Romeo Three Nine Nine, Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control clearance to pass at 1500 feet maintain present heading, 450.
Salon-de-Provence Air Base Control Lima Foxtrot Mike Yankee, clearance to pass at 1500 feet maintain present heading, 450 knots and bonsoir."
isw is offline  
Old 21st Nov 2019, 18:54
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: France
Posts: 928
It's not bad, but needs some simplifying. Depends when it is supposed to be, as well. Things do change a bit. If you care to PM me, I'll let you have an email address and we can fix it.
Piper.Classique is offline  

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