One of my best-ever curries was in 1990 on-board a VC10 taking Gurkhas from Nepal to the UK, via Nairobi The flight was over-catered so I got to have 3!!

Babies heads arriving in the HAS at Wattisham on exercise, never managed to eat more than two before the hooter went off!

Valley..Airmen's Mess......enter "Paddy the Chin ", so named because he had several on view. Paddy was rarely seen during the day as he seemed to prefer nights. This was possibly because he could produce his signature dish, without any distractions such as cooking food, notably doing his, and the families, washing in those large boilers that graced RAF Messes everywhere. All was not entirely lost to the culinary world however, because, to his credit, he produced what he lovingly referred to as a "whore of an omelette" which consisted of about 96 eggs and whatever else he could use as a filling. You learnt very quickly to be selective when on nights unless Paddy was off that night.

Not to be outclassed, he was joined by "Tiny " who was a really nice guy, albeit somewhat "well built " but of whom it would be fair to say would never rank among the top chefs of this world....one of Tiny's more notable culinary achievements came when asked to provide meals for a Vulcan crew that had arrived on one of those sight seeing jollies they liked to go on from time to time. Tiny duly complied with this order to the best of his ability and filled that hot locker container with .......a selection of fruit and.....jam sandwiches. It subsequently emerged the crew did not entirely appreciate this a la carte dining option.

Gutersloh......we witnessed a "difference of opinion " about the quality of a steak being prepared for a Rock...to be fair, the food at Gut at that time was very good...and the cook. The Rock made the fatal mistake of leaving the servery and turning his back on said chef. The steak left the spatula at a speed and with an accuracy any pro tennis player would be in awe of......and arrived firmly on the back of the Rocks head. It all got a bit "up close and personal " thereafter. . .

On 8, one D M was reputed to have baked a sponge cake.

Of all the messes I sampled, there weren't really any that stood put for the standard of the food above the others (but then being younger I was not that bothered about the quality as long as it was hot when required). One thing that I was taught though was that working on the flight line meant a whole new way to efficiently consume lunch. When hotlocks were served the trick was to remove the lid, cover the top with a slice of bread, invert the tin, remove the tin and add a further slice of bread on top. Proof that you can put anything on a sandwich.

Honourable mentions though should go to the mess at PSAB in the late 90's, they even taught the locally employed serving staff to say "one sausage only" in English.

Babies heads, straight from the hotlock were marvellous!
I always wondered where the cooks got the recipe for that beef stew that appeared everywhere on any exercise.
Supper at Leuchars was always good. Perhaps because it tended to be sneaked in between recoveries. Chip butties. Always.

I had a friend who was a chef in the Officers Mess who was constantly being "hauled over the coals" for his un-Airman like qualities and demeanour by certain members of the Officer class. He would smile benignly whilst undergoing this berating and humiliation whilst being dismissed by the Officer as some kind of simpleton, however my friend knew that later that day he would be making the same Officers dinner and that "Revenge is a dish best eaten cold"

So back in 1960 some 150 CCF cadets plus assorted schoolmasters masquerading as hofficers arrived for Army Section summer camp at Lydd. Although of the RAF persuasion in the Corps, I was there because e I was an (indifferent) tenor drummer in the pipe band. On arrival a bit of a hiatus as the meal due, (high tea) was nowhere to be seen, nor indeed were any catering staff. I get hauled in to see the CO, who gruffly informs me in his Scots accent that (at 16 and a bit) I had become OC Catering, and they would like some supper in an hour and then I was "it" for the week, on account that I wanted to go Cranwell and be an officer and leader of men.

So no more drumming for me, a team of catering hands posted in every day and the biggest pile of compo boxes I have seen in my life. It all went well, pat on the head at the end of the week, and a £5 (lot of money in those days) book token. Never did hear what had happened to the caterers that were supposed to be ther, and when I got home my Mother particularly would not believe I had catered for 150 odd people for a week.

Nicest thing a caterer did for me - Binbrook, 2100 hrs and just finished Pt 1 Taceval (the one in Jun 81 for those that were there). Just about to go in the bar for a pint or 3 when I heard the OM reception phone ringing. Answered it and it was my brother who had been trying to get me since lunchtime to tell me Mum had had a stroke from which she was unlikely to recover. Go back in the bar and tell my boss I am off to the hospital in NW London and I will ring in in the morning. As I walk out of the bar the Cpl Steward stops me, says "You might need these sir", and handed me a packet of sandwiches. How he knew I do not know, but one of the kindest things anyone ever did for me. And I got to Mount Vernon Hospital 10 minutes before she died.

Brize, signal comes through re fuel saving, Boss looks out window as Ten goes past on tow with APU running and lit up to the nines, "there is an example Flight, you do not need the APU running to tow", Young NL gets summond to office given the signal to read and asked "why were you runnning the APU?", answers "to power the galleys, how else was I going to heat my Dulles Burgers" :E

Some years ago I was admitted to the hospital at RAF Halton. As usual, because you hadn't been there the day before, there was no food ordered for you, so you basically got what had been ordered by whoever had subsequently discharged. Day 2 - early start for operation, so unconscious/blotto for most of day and only got slice of toast later in the day. Needless to say, order forms for meals on Day 3 came round whilst blotto, so Day 3 pretty much repeat of Day 1. However , did manage to fill in food order form for Day 4. Nurse tells me that Day 4 is also the first day of the new catering contract, so food bound to be huge improvement (?) Day 4 - wake up feeling pretty good and looking forward to breakfast - order was for orange juice, tea, "continental" rolls with jam. Tray arrives with cover over plate. I sit up in bed, drink tea and then remove cover on plate. Nothing. Not even a crumb of a passing roll. Bare as a badger's ****. Call for nurse. She calls for sister. Nurse is instructed to phone caterers, who do not believe it. Their quality control would have picked it up. Man sent up to examine empty plate. We all agree there is nothing on it. Could I have a replacement, please? Sorry, says caterer. We stopped doing breakfast hours ago, we're only doing lunch now. Kind nurse manages to make a slice of toast for me....

ISK, late 70s, regular war stock turnover. Lunch was steak and kidney pudding. The S&K was tasty meriting at least 9/10. Presentation nil points as the half tin-shaped suet pastry still had the maker's name and date stamp. Muppets.

OC Detachment for a major NATO exercise "somewhere in Southern Germany", the detachment was multi-national in a German Army barracks with catering provided by the US and Canadian Armies. I'm in the line for breakfast, plate at the ready to receive the standard US/Canadian fare which was excellent and piled up as we progressed along the servery. As we reached the end of the servery, chatting to my colleague I took my eye off proceedings, moved on only to find the whole plate had been flooded with maple syrup! An odd set of flavours but when you're on exercise...!

RAF Stanley, 1983. The main option for eating lunch on the airfield site was SAS-Det (Soup and Sandwich Detachment of Catering Squadron), as it was generally too time-consuming/inconvenient to go back to the Coastel to eat. Apart from Bread, 'Butter', Jam, Cheese and Soup du Jour the diet was occasionally enhanced by Pizza [which was pretty tasteless]. In conversation with one of the cooks, he explained that they couldn't get any decent ingredients such as appropriate herbs. A note to a friend in the UK resulted in a pile of herbs various arriving by Herk [not much additional weight involved] which I duly delivered to the Cooks. The enhanced Pizza became the go-to lunch option!

https://i.imgur.com/5RmRLtc.jpg

Operating the Mighty Hunter out of Seeb, we could only get rations through the local handling agent who catered for the likes of BA. On arrival, the rations for the tasking next day were duly ordered by yours truly: two main meals and a snack for fifteen persons, deliver to aircraft at 0900 local.

When we got to the hotel we received the news that the tasking had been put back to 1300. No problem. Phone the agent and explain that rations were now required for 1100.

Well, funny old thing, next day on arrival at the aircraft two things were apparent. Firstly, the AEO, who had made a pot of ‘honkers stew’ on the way down to Seeb had not washed up the pot, which had been left to fester overnight and most of the following morning. That had to be dealt with (another story for another time). Secondly, the rations duly turned up at 1100. Result. However, the rations for 0900 were also on board the van. Yes, two lots of rations. The meals came in the form of the standard airline plastic trays filled with exquisite delights including a side salad of smoked salmon for starters, and wonderful deserts - obviously made up for business class. BUT, fifteen persons x 3 trays x 2 orders came to … quite a lot of trays, which had to be stacked up in the galley with the overflow going into the ordnance section. On top of the last tray was a printed sheet of paper listing the individual meal types and a column (left blank on this occasion) which would usually have stated the cost of the meal. That was good, as I could use this piece of paper to send around the crew when asking for their selection from the choice of 4 main meals and two snacks each.

As the ‘menu’ made its way around, some of the wet and dry team decided it would be a good idea to play ‘guess how much your meal costs’ and with stifled giggling, started to put their guesses down in the blank column. The last person then totted up the figures and entered the quite substantial total at the base of the column. I do not recall how much the total was, but what I do recall is my name being shouted (or rather ‘bawled’) by the very irate Nav Captain who had just been handed what he assumed to be the bill for 90 meals. His anger was compounded by having to fight his way through the stacked up plastic trays in the galley, and past a still rancid pan of burned honkers stew, to ‘have a word’. The situation was resolved when it was pointed out that there was no way that a tray of salad with pate, duck l ’orange, a fruit compote, followed by cheese and biscuits would ever cost as much as the Lead Wet had thought and apart from which, would you like your tray of sandwiches and packet of peanuts now, or after we get airborne?

Old Bricks reminded me of this one.

Admitted to RAF Hospital Ely to have wisdom teeth removed.

Longtime ward resident asks, "Can I have your lunch tomorrow?"

1962. Barkston Heath, where the square pegs from Cranwell were detatched to, sort of a "punishment posting." A supper time list what time one required a wake up call, and what beverage to accompany this call. Upon being roused, asked what one would like for breakfast and at what time. Food was extremely good. Many fought not to be returned to Cranwell.
1971. MAMS: Rushed to BZZ to catch a Brit. to act as Handling Agent supervisor on a rotation double shuttle Hanover- Aldergrove. Rationed ex-BZZ for 110pax each leg. 440 goodie boxes. However, 'twas not a rotation but a re-inforcement, return legs empty. Morning departure from Hanover up rolls handling agent catering with 220 goodie boxes. We tried to explain but were told they had already been paid for and they would not take them back. Next departure, same thing happened. Of course, first in, first out, the AH and AS boxes were distributed first. The civil meals were much more palatable, and the crew + Muppet left the aeroplane with big black bags of goodies!
Someone mentioned the triangular sausages? Compo., That shape to get more in the tin. Delicious!
ALT

In hospital once, (patient's grub notoriously poor), my dinner came slopped on a plate ...
"If you put that in front of your husband, he'd take a stick to you ", I said to the ward Sister - "and he'd be right !"

I was not popular !

https://i.imgur.com/5RmRLtc.jpg
That pic brings back the memories MPN11. I well remember the SAS catering tent. I recall the Pizza's as being pretty good, and there was always a rush to get there and get one before they ran out. I don't remember them doing them every day, but I may be wrong. I was there Dec82-May 83, so if you were in part responsible, thanks. I worked over at those 4 Rubbs (Called Spandrells), in the background, which was Ground Equip/GSES. At the join in your pic where the sea meets land, the 3 section tent to the right of the dark mound, was where the "proper" mess was located. I think this was RAF run, but the Army had a say in the portion sizes, and they were small, so most of us just used to go to the SAS for Scooby Snacks. Meat, cheese and jam on 3 slices of bread, in one large convenient serving, with no plates to wash after. I think most of us put away a lot of food down there and never seemed to put weight on, but one guy who did gain a little, earned the nickname Spandrell Belly.

Not me, Dan Gerous ... I was there May-Sep 83, so just missed you! SASDet was, of course, very conveniently located opposite ATC. As was the "Sapper Crapper"* just out of shot to the right.


* Slight thread drift: ATC had a proper flush toilet on the ground floor [the old passenger terminal). One of my young ATCOs dived into the tower water tank and repaired the 30mm cannon holes in it, so that it [largely] held water again. Topped up by the fire section, and the key held by the ATC Supervisor! Access by ATC and OC Ops (C4) only, unless someone wanted to do some trading for the use of it! :)

1. As a Boy Entrant at St. Athan circa 1962 the food in one of the messes (not ours) was so bad that two entire entries boycotted a meal time, needless to say it got someone's attention as the CO was a Group Captain.
2. Seletar circa 1966, West Camp Airman's Mess, one of the best lunch buffet spreads I've ever seen on a military installation. the cheeseboard was extraordinary.
3. Not military, but on an offshore oil installation tied-up at Shanghai I had one of the best lunches I've ever had - roast lamb, roast potatoes and ALL the trimmings, would have cost a fortune elsewhere.

Great thread. However I'd miss some pictures please.

Delivered a Tonka to Honnington from Bruggen in mid '80s, with a VIP Andover laid on to return us, sharpish, back to Bruggen (due on in QRA!). Anyhow, the Andover was available to take us as it had been on standby for a task transporting Mrs T somewhere. The Andover was pristine so, felt a little incongruous trying not to soil the decor in full Tonka kit! Andover crew were great, full silver service, fine teas, salmon sandwiches, vol-au-vents and clotted cream scones all served with style and a smile in the plush, sound deadened VIP transport! Apparently, Mrs T had taken the train instead, the aircraft was released to transport us and, we got Mrs T's grub! Great! :ok:

OAP

Stn Cdr at Akrotiri, Air Cdre Stacey, was an extrovert Alpha Male and loved to show off. Lord Carrington was staging through an route Far East and arriving at dawn. Naturally this was too good an opportunity to show boat so Stacey laid on a full white-glove, silver-service breakfast on the cliff tops as the Sun rose.

Style.

VC10 tanker self catering on Operation Provide Comfort (Incirlik) often included 'Betty Crocker' cake mixes. The cake would be mixed en-route to the towline, baked while 'sausage side' and eaten with coffee on RTB. We used to take a lot of American passengers on these trips as they couldn't fly in their own nation's aircraft and also because if they crossed the border, got yet another medal. A PA would be made stating that we were now over enemy territory and that the US passengers could have a medal, all passengers of other nations could have a slice of cake. One day we had a news team from the Washington Post flying with us who reported the cake baking activities in their journal. The British Ambassador to Washington read it and choked on his morning croissant. The news reached us at lightning speed the day after the flight concerned. We continued to bake cakes.

Things had improved by the early 70s. ATC could take an early lunch in the Manby 'aircrew diner'. There were also catering facilities at Strubby itself, where the Morning and Day shifts could eat at lunchtime.

Solo Pax on a Tristar!
 

A very long time ago, I was ear-marked to be the next Dulles Red-Eye groundcrew member on the regular VC10 "Diplomatic" trips. We were carrying a coupleu of fuel computers / regulators for a Tristar which had gone sick in Anchorage. The idea was that we would drop in at Goose, the Tri would transit Canada on two engines, we would hand over the spares and be on our way.
On arrival, an apparent Eskimo wearing RAF Sgt. stripes boarded, "Got a TLDNMCL on board?" "Yep, that's me."
"Read this" (Hands me a signal print-out).
In short, the weather was so buggered across Alaska, that the Tri couldn't leave to make the trip to meet us. I would have to courier the spares via Dulles, then civvy flights to Salt Lake City, ditto to Anchorage pending weather improvements, (The 10 was scheduled for other tasking, had to continue the planned Red-Eye) hence plan B.
Got there, handed over spares and off to the hotel. When I awoke, I realised I had not received any re-joining instructions! Call back to Brize "Cadge a lift back with 216 when their aircraft is fixed."
Aeroplane fixed, flight crew plus one very bored steward on the leg back from Alaska - UK; oh and one passenger. Couple that with an over- catered aeroplane, no in flight entertainment, and a steward with sod all to do. I think the flight crew did rather well out of it too...

In Riyadh during the Gulf war we had two Caterers who were tasked to reduce the cost of HOTAC and were known collectively as Melchett and Darling. They decreed that preflight meals would be taken at King Khaled International feeder where the airfield defence force dwelt in the stygian gloom of the subterranean offices. At the outbreak of hostilities the Saudi Air stewards and cooks mysteriously vanished but undeterred this stalwart team brought on the B team and posted that "A simple egg meal" would be provided. This consisted of a foot wide Saudi flatbread, slit open at a point on the circumference, into which a lightly fried egg was delivered with force by a surly Cpl cook. The trick was then to carefully bite into the flatbread without squirting egg all over your lap. Melchett and Darling wrote each other up so laudably that they got an OBE and MBE on returning to the U.K. It makes you proud to serve.

Nice food if you didn't mind the LOX store next door! When a new larger tank was going to be installed, I queried "You really want that here?" and explained the consequence of damage.

The new tank got installed out in the boondocks, no lights and a half hour baggage tractor drive each way.

RAF Swinderby, Jul/Aug 79, and our entry is off to the Catterick training area for a weeks camping, known as MFT. Arrive on site, build tents and dig latrines etc, first nights food, a stew, supplied in hot boxes that had come all the way from Swinderby at 45mph in 4 tonner with rest of convoy. Trouble is, hot boxes came with an added bonus bug... cue lots of running about in the dark and full latrine trenches overnight and a visit from the Swinderby MO with 'Immodium' in a jab format for 180 airmen. Yours truly, and one of the DI staff had declined the stew the night before, and only had mashed potato, so we didn't suffer, but we weren't popular next day.


Ttfn

RAF South Cerney, winter '61 in the Brecons, no hot locks. Lunch first day, peel spuds, put in water dixies, bring to the boil and boil and boil. Some hours later they were still like rocks.

Lunch time approached and minced beef and mashed potatoes served and all fellow cadets satisfied with our efforts.

Post lunch the DS made us retrieve the rock like spuds from the river, chop them up into smaller pieces and try again. They were ready for summer.

No one any the wiser and we his the powdered potato tins.

Coltishall, 1965.

J.R.'s Mess had a very bad cockroach problem, around the server.

Cue comment in Mess Comments Book:


"At supper last night, there were more cockroaches than dinners, If you cannot get rid of them, please can you arrange a separate sitting for them".

A sad tale from an otherwise super station.

In the early days of the VC10K the" Powers that be" had decided to save money by not having ALMs on the crews. The "Cabin Supervisor" duties could be carried out by a spare aircrew member. We had also acquired a stock of ex-BA First Class cutlery and crockery. It was also agreed by Accounts that, to save money when down route, they would pay $10US per head to self cater which was a big saving on the cost of airline meals trucked in from miles away. It became a matter of pride to do a great job of catering if you were the Cabin Supervisor, sometimes with unforseen circumstances.

On one trip across Canada we had 2 VIP seats installed on the port side of the cabin for a 4* and his PSO. VIP meals were trucked in at vast expense for them . After they had been fed their very nice but very small VIP meals, they were able to watch the groundcrew the other side of the aisle enjoy the usual home cooked meal. Fish Platter as starter, 16oz Steak cooked to order with Onions, Mushroom and Baked Tomato served with Jacket Potato and sour cream, Salad and choice of Dressings .This was followed by a choice of several Ice Creams and Cheesecakes. Together with a glass of Chilled Grape Juice, all this on Gold Rimmed Crockery with proper cutlery. Jealous!

This was a better service than the F4 crews received on one flight between FI and Ascension. They had requested bite sized sandwiches, Mars Bars, apples and containers of drinks. After a few hours airborne the first box was opened and found to contain All the sandwiches. The other box on that aircraft had All the Mars Bars!! The other crew had all the apples and all the drinks!!

Still that was better than a subsequent Tornado F3 flight where the in flight meals contained Pot Noodles - our suggestions for a scource of fluids to use were not well received.

My best memory was when we had two VC10Ks operating over Northern Iraq with the entire RAF fast jet contingent. It was my 50th Birthday and the other crew had baked me a birthday cake, over Iraq on an operational mission. Thanks Rupe.

#27 Fareast driver ref Sepulot. I flew in to there in a Twin Pin in Dec 63. The resident company of the KOYLI had been on Stand To over night, and when one of the crews returned to their gun pit, after breakfast, they found a 15ft python in it which had probably been their all night. We had it for lunch!!

I recall a trip in ROZ2 over Northern Iraq with Tengah Type navigating and his-excellency-the-future-mayor-of-Cartoontown as Air Eng. Between them they took it in turns to cook up the most superb meal of beef olives in the little galley after the FJs had left and we were waiting for them to return for their double dip 30 min later. That set the scene for future flights, so much so that the co-pilot and I had to plead just to have a sandwich or two later in the week after having dined on Basil's 'kangaroo flip-flop' and shrimp tava the previous evening!

RAF Wyton,86-88, a catering officer that was not afraid to push out the boundaries. Stewards were taught to flambe a steak at the table and, during a FI detachment, a request for oak chippings so that smoked trout were delivered by return. Outstanding.

RAF Cottesmore, 65, bit of a speaker clash between senior married and junior livers in with Mess social functions liver out orientated. In retaliation livers in started to go to dinner at the same time on Saturday nights and in DJs. It was informal but the staff to the occur and Saturday dinner was not to be missed.

PMC, very old school, turned up in sports jacket, thought he had got the dress code wrong and departed :)