Orderly Dog
 

Just about everyone here will have been orderly dog of some description. Inspired by the award of a week's ON due to an early posting on an other thread, I am sure that is where tales of the Real Air Force could be told.

I was Orderly Officer and less than 6 months in as an APO and in the middle of a lecture when the fire alarm went off. It was written in the orders that the OK attend and take charge until relieved.

I was duly despatched. The fire was a quarters fire in a remote quarter on the airfield at Hullavington. One of those 2/3 bed semis where the unoccupied half had caught fire. I hitched a lift with a fire truck and all of 19 was completely clueless (OK, no change there).

That was the easy bit. It was a long walk back 😕

Hmm, a couple of stories

Watton mid 60s, I am newly minted Canberra driver and the only white card pilot officer pilot in Signals Command. Over the weekend had been in play with drama group. S"Mixed" dressing room, and stunning girl from comcen down to her Section Officer Harveys. Monday night I am OO (first time). Same girl on defaulters, looking like she had slept in her uniform. Gave me that "you saw me in stockings and suspenders on Saturday - you wouldn't dare" look. Deep breath - "Sgt, please send this airwoman to sort herself out and re-inspect her at 2200". "Sir!" thundered O Sgt, and in a whisper "10 out of 10 Sir!"

Nearly 20 years later and SDO at Binbrook when the phone goes at 00 silly. Guy on the phone says he is Strike Command something or other and gives me two code words, which against the rules I write down. Check words in SDO book, "Station Alert" (and non exercise), so ring Ops and ask them to hit the hooter. I go to Ops to find Stn Cdr (DC) incandescent and calling me all the names under the sun. Apparently there was not supposed to be an alert and comes of having scribblies as SDO, etc.
Dear Henry P, SLOPS, says come with me, and takes me through the whole sequence, I show him my illicit piece of paper, he goes to OC Ops, who takes Stn Cdr on one side and takes him through sequence Some hrumphing and Stn Cdr grudgingly accepts I had taken the correct action. . Did not give much for the chances of the guy that rang me. Later message passed round sqns that error was at HQ STC or 11 Gp, I forget which, and OC Accts not to blame

Finally, spare a thought for the officer from Command Accounts at Brampton and of the Jewish faith who volunteered to do Christmas Duty Staff Officer, and got the Lockerbie disaster to deal with

Was Orderly Officer as a stude at Finningley in 1981 when Nottinghamshire Police rang. There were riots going on across the country and they were expecting one in Nottingham. Part of the area was ill-served for street lighting so could they borrow some Very pistols from ATC so they could see what was going on? I expressed the opinion that this was unwise but referred them up to the Station Duty Officer (Nav Instructor) who firmly denied the request.

I was giving an evening talk at St Mawgan a few years back and was getting signed in at the guardroom when a car pulled up and a sergeant got out and went across to where the ensign was about to be lowered at 1800. He stood to attention and saluted as it came down, then got back in his car and drove back out of the camp.

I queried all this with the officer who was signing me in, Apparently there were so few officers left at St Mawgan that SNCOs took their turn as "orderly officer". Also it's now a duty which can be carried out from home - no requirement to stay and sleep on camp any more.

Times change.

And gentlemen, that's only the stuff they (the OC/OS) told you about!!

Wasn't a lot of fun being "it" in either position as in most places you had the misfortune of the RAF police "watching your back".

Most exciting......being deputised as stand in guard commander as the original had been involved in car crash (must admit pretty good excuse) and at 3 am having the distinctly unpleasent experience of a 18 yr old cook/anti-terrorist elite trooper **** up his unload drill in the pitch darkness, at least he understood STOP.

Leeming in 1987 was a building site, to the extent we were all going around in supply issued wellington boots due to all the construction work and mess on the roads. The guardroom is a portakabin sat in front of the under refurbishment permanent guardroom, opposite SHQ. I'm sat in the portakabin as Orderly Corporal (came round very frequently due to the lack of numbers) when I hear the sound of breaking glass. A civilian contractor has decided that the traffic cones that are being used to divert traffic around the construction areas will make effective weapons to smash the ground floor windows in SHQ. I'm not allowed to abandon the 'guardroom' so I phone the Orderly Sergeant to get down from the mess quickly as SHQ is deteriorating rapidly. I then had to phone plod in Bedale to attend because it was a civilian that was doing all the damage.

Luckily, the Flt Sgt got down to SHQ pretty rapid and managed to persuade the miscreant that he'd made his point and to stop. It was either that or he'd just run out of ammunition, the intervening 30 years has dulled my memory. Eventually the police arrived and carted him off.

The following week, lying on my pit in the barrack block and it sounds like the place is getting trashed. When I open my room door, I find the same guy is now trying to smash in one of the room doors down the corridor. He recognises me from the previous week and disappears.

I found out later that his wife worked in the airmen's mess and she'd been giving out more than second helpings. He was on a revenge mission.

OO one boring night at pre-pongo Wattisham...

Ring..ring "Evening sir, Orderly Sergeant speaking. An airman has been caught red-handed in the act of thieving, the RAFP have nicked him. Need you to come in and sort a few things".

Oh f*****g great, think I - and off I toddle to the guardroom.

"Evening Sergeant, how can I help?"
"The investigator is on his way and will explain all. Cup of tea, sir?"

Splendid chap. After a little while a character appears who is about as wide as he is tall, wearing a leather bomber jacket and looking like a tougher version of the late Lewis Collins ('Doyle' of The Professionals). He introduces himself as Cpl NNNN of the SIB... He produces notepad and pen and lays them out in a methodical manner.

"How can I help?", I ask.
"Well, I think you can probably leave it to me, sir. Unless we need to tumble Chummy's drum"
"You what? Are you allowed to do that?"
"I mean to search his accommodation, sir. It's an expression we use."
"Oh...right. I thought you meant to...give him a bit of a smack round the ears to get him to cough!"
"No sir, that's not allowed. Not indeed! Mind you, it'd probably save everyone's time if it was", he smiled.

Guilty airman was marched to the cells a little later and subsequently had short trip to a special holiday camp in Essex.

OO wasn't usually quite so entertaining. 'Domestics' were the worst...

Was Ord Cpl at Akrotiri Saturday 21st December 1963.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyprus...963%E2%80%9364

Spare a thought for me on resettlement leave about 10 miles away. :ooh:

Careless Danny got clearance to land at Thornaby one foggy Sunday, but landed at MSG in mistake (well, they were very much alike and only six miles apart).

"Three extra auxiliary weekends SDO !", said unamused Station Commander Monday morning.

Of course station duties were not supposed to be handed out as punishments. One of my troops tried to point this out to me as if I was unaware. I told him it was not a punishment but 'PQ enhancement training ' and if he objected to that then he aught to consider the alternative course of action that was open to me. He very quickly got the message.

BEagle, same deal at Coningsby. Duly arrived at barrack block with loca! RAFP. Shortly thereafter there Professionals from Northern Region arrive to put frighteners on.

"You don't need to stay if
you don't want to Sir"

I could take a hint.

Duly filed an NTR.

Later call from OC GD, white hadn't I reported this? Pointed out RAFP quite able to give a full report.

As a baby APO I never got called on to do OO stuff.. Probably wise given that my first taste of command was as 'escort officer' for the Pantech taking all our UAS's kit to Wildrenrath for summer camp. And it all went tits ..

As instructed, the Pantech driver obediently followed the escort vehicle (phew, top cover!) .. err, right under the canopy at the front of the OM, which unfortunately was several inches shorter than the vehicle... Worse, it was the day of the Summer Ball. Germanic efficiency though saved the day.

Times certainly do. When I was a Flt Off on OO over weekends; inspecting airmen' meals, checking armoury etc, I always envied the Flt Lt SDOs who sat about the mess in sports jackets, and seemed to have nothing to do. By the time I was a Flt Lt, the SDO had mysteriously moored into Duty Ops Officer or some such and Flt Its were OOs. Story of my life.

Sorry - careless. Never was Flt Off - should have written Pg Off. Still binary!

Shortly before I PVR'd, Brize made OO and SDO a combined duty. Late night phone call passed to me as being from the Duty Desk Officer at the *** newspaper. (NO significance to number of asterisks!) "Station Duty Officer, how can I help?"
"We'd like to arrange for a 1cwt bag of budgerigar seed to be loaded on the next flight to the Falklands. It's a special request."
.....................:hmm: :confused: :ooh: :suspect: :* := :E :mad: :mad: :p :ok: phone replaced with enthusiasm!
Oh ... and the date - April 1st!
Next afternoon a consignment of something arrived at an airbase in England for onward transport!!!

Duty dawg