Code Brown
 

I'm sure I'm going to regret asking, but any folks have similar stories to recount?

What Happens When a Fighter Pilot Has Diarrhea in the Cockpit? | Quora

There is a related tale from the Sentries operating from a deployed location in the middle of the Omani desert. One of the mission crew was taken ill by "tummy troubles" during the mission and was hastened down to the bunks near the toilet for the rest of the sortie. On return to base, the flight deck radioed for medical assistance for the sick crew member when they landed.... however, the Sentry was greeted by a fleet of emergency vehicles that followed down the runway and a medical response team hurtled onto the aircraft at the first opportunity. Investigations later revealed that the RAF hospital at the deployed location had received the message from ATC that one of the crew had "shot himself".

And then there's this classic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwCAiF61lM0

Ha ha, that can't be true. Too funny if it is though!

Tlam999, I'm crying with laughter at that link. The part at the end where he has to tell the rest of the flight what has happened, and you hear his front-seater cracking up is just too much.

It really happened but I won't add any names to protect the innocent party.

I remember an incident on Tonkas in the early 80s when a front seater had an attack of diarrhoea and they had to divert.

The ensuing flight safety signal gave rise to some amusing responses. One I remember suggested fitting the Tonka with a "TURDS" system:

Tornado Unwanted Residue Disposal System:ok:

A second or third hand tale I'm afraid. Can't remember which mate told me, so it either concerns 8 or Naval 8 with Hunters in the Middle East, or just possibly 60 with Javs in Singapore - story is essentially the same.

Posting-in of new sqn boss coincides with delivery of a jet or two from deep servicing, so new boss decides to arrive in style in jet. Whichever the last night stop was, food and/or drink led to the "Code Brown" for new boss on the final leg.

Lands and taxis in, hoping for the quiet far end of the line, but is marshalled centrally on the pan (pun intended!) to be met by his predecessor the old boss - and the entire Sqn on parade.

Old Boss: "Welcome to (wherever it was)! (Whichever it was) Squadron ready for your inspection!" ...... :eek:

Different but associated dit:

Can't find the Youtube link, but there is one out there of a French female TV interviewer - in tight white trousers! - who f@rts - and follows through - while camera is rolling. She leaves hurriedly, but unfortunately turns tail (!) as she does, revealing the trousers are no longer "all white"!! :yuk:

I'm sure someone's got the link??

"Happiness is a Dry Fart"!


Which reminds me of a very RAF word...... When my daughter was about 4, she was sitting in the back of the car, happily in her kiddie seat next to Grandma. During a quiet spell, the sound of a little trump reverberated through the car.


"What do we say?" asked Grandma.


"Badger" came the loud reply.


...and it was my fault when SWMBO debriefed me after the journey.

At Linton in the mid 70s we had a really good US exchange QFI. Some years previously, he'd been a FAC on the funny Cessna push/pull machine which could stay airborne for hours and inevitably, after a good curry, he was taken short.

Fortunately, he'd got that natty US helmet bag with him and managed to do the somewhat messy business into said bag. Back on the ground, he left the bag outside the Ops building whist he went in to debrief etc, when he emerged inevitably the bag had been pinched, you can only imagine the surprise the thief received when he delved into the bag.

A few years earlier, I was No2 in a Lightning 4 ship tailchase. When we landed and were walking in, No4 was acting oddly. During the tailchase, as No4 he was at the end of the whiplash and on one occasion as the g suit cut in quite sharply it made him empty his bladder into the boot of his immersion suit, the squippers were not too happy trying to dry things out.

When a nurse in a hospital asks for help with a code brown, it's amazing who quickly the place looks like the Marie Celeste.

One recalls the apochryphal story of the heavy drinker who carried a hip-flask of "sober" urine against the possibilty of a "p!ss-taking" policeman after a breathalyzer.

His hip-flask was pick-pocketed on the Tube.......

The short version of a long story.

May 1960, 214 Sqdn were sending a Valiant from Marham to Singapore none-stop. This entailed basing Valiant tankers in Cyprus and Karachi.

Muggins is in the Karachi party, a 3 week trip. We have 3 a/c and air crews and a Hastings full of ground crew and spares. The ground crew includes a Medical Officer!

Before the trip we are given 'bung you up pills', in 3 different colours. White, yellow and green, and a score card to keep of bowl movements!!! Each 'movement' was to be annotated by a character, 'H' for hard, 'S' for soft and 'L' for liquid. We quickly worked out that the white pills were the strongest.

To reduce the story, we ALL got dysentery! The operation was nearly scrubbed due to shortage of fit air crew, those that flew wore towels as 'nappies'.

On the Hastings flight back, we stopped at Aden, the MO read out a list of 6 guys that had been working that morning and sent them to SSQ. The rest of us were told to rest and drink lots of liquid. Someone calls out, 'Is beer OK doc?" He replied 'Yes'.

I have been following that sound medical advice ever since.:ok:

The leg from Aden to Khartoum over Ethiopia, with full Elsan's splashing all over, remains the worst flight I have ever had.

On return to Marham, we all were put into SSQ, where we drove the medics quite mad.

I returned to Karachi 4 more times, but we ground-crew were put into a better hotel, where the aircrew joined us. Much to their relief.

On the 1st trip they were hosted in the Pakistan Air Force Officers Mess!

Taste prevents me giving the full details of the apocryphal story of the AEOp undergoing 'brown system failure' who had to make use of the galley sink on hearing the loo was already occupied.....apparently to the great surprise of the pax sat at the galley table at the time.
Also heard many times the story of the Nav who returned to his seat with a small dark stranger poking out of the collar of his flying suit. Apparently he was guilty of not fully carrying out 'clear-range' procedures (1.pull suit FULLY down) prior to a brown drop.

There was a Dominie pilot who performed a similar manoeuvre, in his case said movement lodged in the arm of his flying suit, and was ejected when the chap thrust his arm back into the sleeve.

There was also a Herc FE (of some renown) who announced, on intercom, "I do apologise captain, but I appear to have followed through".

Personally I've managed to avoid a bowel movement whilst onboard an aircraft, albeit a mere 5K flying hours over ~20 years. A couple of potential occasions were avoided by means of a judicious pre-flight imodium, I'll admit.

An AAC Gazelle pilot flying solo in the 70's had a catastrophic and liquid bowel movement while flying in Germany.

There is an occasional visitor to this board who obtained a temporary (ho, ho) nickname along the lines of 'Captain Crapper' during his time on a squadron (which may or may not have had a skull and crossbones in their squadron badge). Thank goodness for sickbags.....

And at least one Bruggen Tonka nav who was taken straight from his aircraft to his MQ so he could remove his rather dirty (on the inside) immersion suit in the comfort, and privacy, of his own bathroom....

Can't help thinking this is an entirely appropriate thread for this website; and how much our inspiration, Fg Off Pprune, would have enjoyed it!

Got caught short in Germany flying the Airfix Pursuit Ship (Gazelle), landed on in a newly planted field, squatted on the skid to avoid muddy boots, did the deed while Mate B kept it the rotors running and we then flew off. I always imagined the German farmer coming out to see how the crop was growing, seeing 2 parallel shallow gouges and a pile of steaming faeces, but no obvious signs of how it got there. Probably leading to him immediately reporting a close encounter of the turd kind.

A rather apt moniker there then ;)

Initially we were not too impressed with being tasked for a multi day casex in the Bay of Biscay on board an RFA while the rest of the Sea King squadron lived it up at a French Navy base, only being seen when they flew out to join us on task.

We were suitably chuffed when we found that they all had a deep case of upset digestive systems and the crews spent much of the time in the dip waiting their turn at the door to remove goon suits and squat. No idea who cleaned up the residue on RTB!

And the food on the RFA was, as always, excellent and safe :ok: