Christ there's a name from the past......

I really must say thank you to all of you for making me feel so welcome on this great thread. My only direct connection with the RAF is that my father was a Sergeant Pilot towards the end of WW2 doing his training in S Africa and eventually going on to fly Yorks with the RAF. I have benefitted from the kindness of RAF personnel in the recent past both when learning to fly and when I attended the MACASD at Shawbury. The ATCOs and students were unfailingly courteous and helpful whenever I darkened their area in the trusty C152 and I fear that OC Ops may have been the target of a bit of coercion when I wen to the MACASD. He volunteered (was possibly volunteered) to look after my Welsh Sheepdog teenage pup for the day (my arrangements for him had fallen through at the last moment). He also looked after me and I remain grateful to him as I had a thoroughly enjoyable and informative day which I have to say was far better than the CAA Safety Evening which I had attended previously.

Binbrook Minival-inject suspect package with aid of (real) Postman Pat. Uneven weight, grease stains, wires. At each stage it is re-injected it is dealt with properly and promptly. Then we get it into the COC. "That for me?" asks the Staish (it was addressed to him by name). He takes it and pulls dinghy knife - "Could you hang on please sir. We'd like all the execs to see it." " No" says Staish, it is addressed to me. Before we can say or do anything he slits seal with dinghy knife. Package bursts into flames (no explosive just an ignition device). Staish incandescent, us on Distaff trying not to laugh, and wondering how we will write up the post exercise comment.

I remember the plods at Conners blowing up a wedding cake that they thought was a bomb.

Stornos
 

The spring clip on the Storno mike, , when pulled out a bit and released on transmit produced a most satisfying "BOINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!" sound across the net. Watching all those at an 'O' group simultaneously grabbing their chests added to the fun.
The most surrealistic Storno episode in my experience was on a Harrier deployment in RAFG in the mid 70's, when due to a freak sky wave we had about 20 minutes sharing frequency with New York taxicabs.
New words were learned on both sides of the Atlantic that day.

Apparently a troop of signallers all in dispersed locations can produce a passable version of the Muppets' "Manaa Manaa" on the net :ok:

Ah yes, the fun of sporadic 'E' and a MUF at VHF!!

Didn't something similar happen in the Malvinas when Icom 2m sets picked up taxi drivers somewhere in South America?

Our school CCF '88 sets' had but 2 frequencies* in the low 40 MHz range. One summer a field day was rather ruined by continuous Spanish TV on one of the channels - so everyone used the other with predictably chaotic results!


They had 2 others, but it had been found that Channel B was on the same channel as 405-line BBC TV from Crystal Palace. The locals complained, so the Army solution was a large rivet inserted through the selector, physically preventing selection of Chan A or B!

or S6.

As I was issued all my cabbage kit in clear polythene, it was the issue polythene bag I would carry around like some eastern European bag lady.

The S6 haversack on the other hand was properly packed. KFS, 2 oz jar of coffee, several dusting bags, aka coffee mate, can opener. The inside of the S6 smelt wonderfully of coffee rather than rubber and CS.

B0ll0cks it was!

I'm with Abbey Road on that, Ultra Man Pack was much better. So the story goes one was left on the wheel of a VC10 as it taxied forward with the inevitable result. On arrival at North Luff for 3rd-line repair (or burial at sea) the Equipment Label read, 'flat battery'. Sorry, thread drift.

Ahh, Pontius, as I had a set of pongo webbing (needed for shooting competitions) I used my S6 bag for its intended purpose. (/smug)

The Ammo Pouches, on the other hand, contained useful things like spare packs of ciggies, packet soup, coffee and wet-wipes. And my water bottle was full of fresh water from home, so if anyone decided to "poison the Stn water supply", I could still have a brew … whilst annoying those who were less well-equipped :cool:

Suspect bag in Officers Mess loo. Plods called. Tannoy made. No one claimed it so it was wheelbarrowed - result loo redecorated in yogurt pasting shredded porn mags to the tiles. Something to do with % Sqn (look at the keyboard) ISTR

MPN, ah, but did you notice the can opener?

The parabag also contained essential items such as overnight kit, civvies for diversion, and for the Taceval an additional 6-pack. One night, in the hardened aircrew accommodation (top floor of the old mess at ISL) I opened the door and popped a can. Heads appeared from doors further up the corridor and game on. As we were mixed officer/SNCO crew but co-located for the exercise the knockers were equally resourceful :)

My Compo can-opener was permanently attached with para-cord, Sir :cool:

Not quite sure where it is now - we use an electric one :)

Anyway, back to the subject …. bring it on, folks, it's wonderful.

(Otherwise I shall have to bore you with other stories … which do not involve gerbils)

As a helicopter crew, we always deployed into the field, away from any proper facilities (unlike the Harrier Force who usually took most of the contents of the Officers' Mess with them). On longer exercises the problem of clean underwear became an issue. My crewman told me how he had solved the problem. He'd been to Hong Kong and found disposable underpants for sale. He'd brought a packet of these with him and not bothered with any conventional ones.

He was pleased as punch until late afternoon on day one, when he dropped his flying suit for a latrine stop - only to discover to his horror that he was now wearing nothing underneath but three rubber bands, one round his waist and one at the top of each leg. The pants had disposed themselves into tiny shreds and were now falling out onto his boots as if he had a very serious skin disease. :ooh:

Bruggen '72. R-hour.

Rule was: if you are u/s in peace-time (but might have gone in war-time)you call 'I'm a non-flier'.

There we were, in our shiny F4, at the holding point with a problem so I made the call.

Minutes later, surrounded by fire-trucks, I realised they might have mis-heard my call...

Friend of mine, Army WO1 distaff, pongo evaluation, Guards Regiment.

Programme starts at o'chr1st hundred. O'chr1st hundred 05 no reaction. Seeks out all the officers to find marquee, dinning table, chairs, mess silver, and breakfast in progress.

"Go away my man, we're still dining."

Apoplectic he tries to jilldy them up with thunderflashes to no avail. :)

Just on the live vs blanks debate. Not strictly TACEVAL story, but true.
St Angelo base in NI, early 1990s. Jayteeto doing service on puma helicopter, masked man running towards wire firing weapon on automatic. I had a live mag on my SA80 and the crewman was loading the GPMG, ****ting ourselves, preparing to return fire. Masked man stops and someone walks towards him from gatehouse. It was a planned exercise that they forgot to mention to us. After much shouting and swearing a pale faced SNCO realised how close things had gone, I reckon I was seconds from firing. He was sent home to England the next day........

Way of thread, but someone mentioned STORNO's.

NUAS (Northumberland University Air Squadron) ((added for Wombat, oh, and welcome Wombat)) operated Bulldogs from Leeming most weekends.

This particular Sunday, a Bulldog started up when all of a sudden a crow decided to take a short cut through the propeller disc.

Not suprisingly, it came off second best. Remarkably it was neatly decapitated, the head landing about 20 feet from the aircraft and the the body, in one piece, (albeit minus a head), deposited itself by the front oleo leg. The aircraft shut down for checks but radioed ATC as to what had happened.

I went out from ATC, in the Trabant, to gather up and bag the remains.

When I got there, an audience of UAS studes had gathered and one brave soul had picked up the crow's head and was displaying it to his fellow studes with some bravado style comments.

As I opened the Trabant door, the STORNO made a squawking noise (as they did). The brave student leapt 3 feet into the air and the crow's head made it's final flight in the opposite direction.

Much laughter, with a red faced stude, ensued.

Sorry, Mods, about the thread drift but......STORNO brought it all back.

Was that due to having to fly with you old Man?:E

RAF Sandringham… Hooter goes off but does not sound on the patch. Vehicle with tannoy on roof has been destroyed by 2nd inject as it was parked outside the PBX when that was hit by the 1st. Comms chaos...

Simulated armoured vehicles (Sherpas with bin bags on windows) dispatched to individual crew addresses on patch. First Sherpa has bags taped on outside of windows by dull (or genius) SWO's gang. Running low on bags they use bodge tape to cover windscreen; driver spends next hour trying to remove bodge tape while wearing NBC gloves.

Driver drives through the rain with non-functioning wipers and starts banging on the doors of OMQs occupied by 6'. Only wives make it to the door as 6' are away on exercise. Approaching lunchtime before they start looking for the other sqns with no sorties generated due to UXB cordon at officers' mess…

Sticky mess removed from windscreen by some chemical the groundcrew have found; worked in seconds. Bus dispatched to the patch for next run. After driving in slow circles for a few hours the windscreen falls out. Seems the rubber was more of a challenge than the bodge tape, but time and vibration did it in the end.

Had a most enjoyable weekend having a laugh at these great stories :ok:

I am amazed at how many people got forgotten about at End Ex
but the German one for a few weeks takes the cake as the best :O

At a certain Lincolnshire real bomber station, there came a Tannoy...

"STANDBY FOR BROADACAST, STANDBY FOR BROADCAST - all crews are to report to the Wing Briefing Room at nnnn hrs".

Obviously someone with half a brain then realised that this would be a golden opportunity for the Spetznasties to take out the entire station's crews......

"Err, attention, attention, ignore the previous broadcast......" was followed by:
"The briefing will be delayed by 15 mintes"

:rolleyes:

At a Phamous Suphpholk Phighter base in pre-HAS days, someone decided that having all the crews in the same crew room might also be a nice target for the Spetznasties. So we were sent to various parts of the squadron to reduce the risk. "If there's a survival scramble, we'll sound the siren"...

My nav and I duly went to our allocated location without delay. We'd only been there for a couple of minutes when the siren went off. In accordance with the brief, we charged out to our mighty warhorse, cranked up and set off for the RW....

"Must be doing well, ******, we're the first in the queue!", I told my nav. Shortly afterwards, up came Sue on the radio:

"Phantom taxying, state your intentions?"
"Taxying as pre-briefed!"
"Stand by!......taxy to the holding point only"

It seems that 'someone' had decided that dispersing everyone around the squadron was fine, but they didn't know whether or not the siren actually worked. So some idiot of a Flt Cdr decided to test it without first having checked that everyone had been warned.....:rolleyes:

So we sat at the holding point pondering our next move; however, the anticipated survival scramble was then ordered, so off we went. But the pre-brief had included assigning holding levels by call-sign rather than take-off sequence. So we had the interesting experience of watching other aircraft climbing up through our hold to their pre-briefed levels.....:oh:

The VC10 one was K*v Tr*****, he had put it on the mainwheel while he kicked the chocks out on a pushback, he then gave them the brakes off and watched the Ten roll over it :E

It didn't work after that having being converted to a sum of its parts..


A couple I've mentioned before..

Brize TACEVAL...

Guys sitting in the crew room watching Neighbours, bang outside and distaff appear, you, you and you are severely wounded, lie down, hands inject to other engineer now missing his favourite show, what you going to do? Picking up his rifle he cocks it, walks from man to man, goes bang, bang, bang, then sits down again to watch Neighbours.. incredulous Distaff has a WTF moment, to which the lad responds that they are seriously injured, probably won't survive and would tie up valuable time and resources, so he has simply taken them out of the equation.

RAF Scampton, early 70’s: Exercises called at all times of day and night, could last a week, one Friday evening the guys all enjoying a drink or two when at 20:00 the hooter goes, cue a load of keen slightly sozzled ground crew rush off, with the exception of the OCU lot who see a good opportunity to mine sweep the hurriedly left beers before heading off to work themselves. Other stories I think might not be for a forum, but one had to make the ordeal as less arduous as possible.

RAF Luqa, mid 70’s: Bit unfair here as the station knew when the taceval crew turned up as they could not just drive in unannounced. We had packed lunches left in hangar blown up, someone’s car nearly had the locks blown off as he had parked in the wrong place at the wrong time. The most frightening thing out here for anyone who was asked to try the old getting in risked life and limb as it was the only place I have been in those days where we were always loaded with live ammunition, so anyone trying it on soon stopped once a ground crew pointed a gun at them 9especially as during ‘peace time’ we had a few inadvertent rounds discharged.

RAF Wyton, late 70’s: one place that seemed to take all this exercise stuff seriously, although we were back to pick axe handles, CPX NBC kit and as someone else mentioned CPX trenches, agree one looked a right plonker stood in these trying to look hidden.

There was a CPO who had been issued an ID card with the wrong date of birth on it and the Navy would not replace it for some time, so each exercise he ended up being carted off in the back of a Landrover until it was established he was not an exercise inject. The SWO got abducted a knife point and locked in one of his cells, this ended up being an inject taken too far.

The station commander heard that there was going to be an early Monday morning exercise so had everyone in Sunday morning to show how alert we were, taceval team turned around and went away, when they came back they caught the station totally unawares.

Back to the CPX kit, two guards stood on the barrier across the taxi way when the Station Commander decided to have a wander around his station, arrived at said barrier and on identifying himself asked if the guards knew what state the airfield was in (we were at NBC black at the time), having only bits of paper one guard replied that he considered the station in a bit of a state, on demanding why the guards were not wearing NBC kit a piece of paper was promptly produced stating this was our NBC kit. After the exercise on asking his execs, they confirmed that no-one had ever had any kit issued, that changed by the next exercise.

There are a few more for this station, and more for the next 5 or 6 I had the pleasure, or not in some cases, of being posted to. I can confirm the storno story and have a vague memory that this was either Wyton or Honington, with Honington being more likely.

Sorry if this has been a bit long, but the other stories above reminded me of some my experiences, so thought I would post a few.

Perhaps someone can remember this one, ex Vulcans more than likely. Akrotiri 73/74 and the standard Taceval saw Bomber Wing, 9 and 35 Squadrons, jump in, rev up and depart (not sure where, but I "didn't need to know"). At endex we would be rewarded with the mass return of our heroic drivers airframe and supporting cast. On this particular exercise, the V's never took off, our guard commander went missing along with all other officers (Engineers etc). After around 6 hours we were told that the exercise, that we believed was to be a full Taceval, was over. Back to the Keo then.

A few days later the station rumour mill churned out this little gem. It seems that the attacking force for the exercise was our pals from Hereford. Having done a bit of recce, they discovered that the Staish had decided that all officers were to be briefed in the 'O's Mess before start of exercise. Somehow they got to the Mess and effectively captured every Officer on base, including the Staish. And nobody else noticed their absence. Di staff, said fair cop and after several hours cancelled the exercise when it was realised that the only people left to play were the Herbert's and Hensios out doing the guarding. Now I know that I stood guard on that exercise, and it was very short, but does anyone remember if the rest is true ?

Smudge

Marham again early 90s. Exercise inject is poisoned water supply, so COC and ACOC staff crack open the stored water jerry cans...which are all 12-ish months old and end up poisoning the consumers for real...:rolleyes:

Someone owes me a coffee as most is down my shirt.................

I do hope said conscript was suitably rewarded .................

There seems to be makings of a damm good book in this with proceeds going to various services charities.

Know I would buy it, if only to read more about the German conscript :E

Wasn't there a Staish in Cyprus asked for an Airman's SLR then charged him for handing over his weapon, he tried it on the next one and the guy refused knowing what would happen, the Staish then went to grab it and ended up wearing the Butt in the face?

Not Taceval but the annual security exercise. Some years the opposition would be a visiting battalion other times RM Commando. Now the prime target was the nuclear deterrent. One year they would take out the aircraft and another the aircrew.

Having lost the aircrew one year the station would take such effective measures that the aircraft would be vulnerable. However imagine a white football pitch lit by stadium lighting. How do you intrude in to that? Come the dawn every aircraft had a chalked white cross on the nose wheel.

The year we lost the aircrew in the mess, we had pairs of aircrew armed with 9mm pistols, but no torches, patrolling the perimeter. One pair on IX, who for reasons unknown wouldn't talk to each other, we off on patrol.

There was a "psst" the trailing man stopped and the other carried on. There was a second "psst" and with that the mess was unguarded. Then a lazy Cyp worker who had been repairing the mess roof for some days swung, tarzan like, off the roof, knife between his teeth, Stirling in one hand and hand grenade in the other. He was immediately disarmed with a pint of beer.

The other time OC Bomber, Mike Beavis, had a cunning plan. If there were no aircraft and no aircrew then the 'enemy' could not win. Sure enough, we all decamped to Malta and a great time was had by all.

On the actual Tacevals however the staish Air Cdre Eric Stacey was a wild card. He would not mix live armed guards and unarmed personnel. We were all issued with live ammunition.

The ground crew did the bizz and got all 16 jets up and ready. After dropping off the weapon we all flew off on a NEAF exercise profile. On return, as far as NEAF was concerned, it was endex. Not for Stacey.

As we taxied back in the groundcrew were waving round again. The aircraft were re-roled from nuclear to conventional. 21x1000 live HE were loaded and we launched again. This time our target was specific points on the airfield which would give the gunners practise. Also, wholly unpractised, we formed up in 3-ship Vic at Larnaca and ran in against the Bloodhounds and AA. The vics were mixed sqn but no common freq had been briefed and we had never practised formation flying.

As we approached the airfield, OC IX leading 2 35 Sqn crews, OC IX sets course for his target cutting across the front of #3 whose target was the other side of his leaders track and close to #2s. It worked but it were an example how not to do it.

Thanks for that PN,

At least some of it wasn't a figment of my old brain.

Smudge :ok:

Ahh I remember the live armed in Germany, well I say live armed as the magazine was bundled up in plastic which would require some severe work with ones teeth to get through.... In the day when every round was accounted and signed for, lose one and your deep in it....
However on the range having fought through the plastic to get a mag to use up life ex ammo, one lets rip down range to find I only fired off 18 rounds out of 20... Asking an Armourer what gives, he points out that they would often get bored filling them, so it was anyone's guess how many rounds were in the mags :ugh:

NL, love it.

And that would be Stacey alright.

After endex he went into the photo section. It was between the wires. It was like a secure cage with wire mesh between it and Admin and it an Tech. Anyway he goes in through the open and unguarded gate.

In side the building he finds several SLR but no guard. After a short period he takes all the SLRs and puts them in his boot. (Trunk for our cousins). Goes back, still no one around, picked up the ammunition box and departs.

Waits for hullaballoo - nix. Eventually someone is told to call the Photo Section and ask when they are going to return their weapons. "We have" they said as everyone assumed someone had taken them back. :)

Still Stacey. Air Warning Red and he visits the GDOC, HQ 5 Wg the big building on the way out of camp. The all clear is sounded and we are permitted to unmask - no sniff test in the GDOC.

Unknown to the Rocks, Stacey had lit up a series of tear gas pellets around the whole building. Endex was declared later and we were amused to see the HQ wide open, every door and window wide to let the wind clear the gas.

Life would have been very interesting had he not died suddenly and made CAS/CDS instead of Craig.

In the mid 80's I was based at Odiham. Lived in quarters 7 miles away. We had a cascade system that seemed to work, get a call, call the guy next on your list and drive into work. Mrs wasaloadie would then get another call informing her that there was a callout 10 mins after I had left, then she would get a knock on the door 10 mins later telling her there was a callout, she would get this even when I was away on task etc. Following complaints we were given cards to stick in our windows to signify we were on leave or away on task etc, so that the callout person did not disturb you (in theory), but this was abused as we used to leave the card in the window permanently.
It never failed to amaze me how when the call out occurred how most of the guys from remote quarters or living out, managed to arrive at work before the guys on the station patch or from the messes did even after parking our cars on the taceval car par and walking in.

Some of us hated taking pistols on ex with us, preferring to take our SLR's. The 9mm was just another piece of metal to carry around and of course there was a chance of losing one. On one of the exercises, one of the Sqn execs decided he would check who had their pistols on them. When he realised that none of us had, he decreed that if we were caught without them again, he would ensure extra duties would be handed out. Therefore, most of us went down a local store and bought replicas, these fired 8mm blanks which in those days were freely available for a few quid (certainly cheaper than the fine for losing a real one). Everyone knew that whilst blank ammo was issue for the SLR's, none was issued for the pistol. Imagine the surprise on the enemy faces (para reg I think) when on one ex, they are confronted with the aircrew all firing their pistols (the replicas), we declared it a win when the enemy took cover or ran away thinking we were live armed.

When I was a pongo, we only used to put 18 rounds in our SLR mags. This is because number 19 and 20 compress the mag spring so much, it loses a lot of it's springiness and the chances of having a jam in the first two shots were greatly increased.

Widenrath late 1970s. ASF Sqn Ldr gives lecture to the ASF grouncrew about the severe penalties that will ensue if weapons are lost during Taceval, shortly thereafter a no duff incident occurs and ASF personnel are to attend, including SEngO. During incident said SEngO loses his sterling and spends most of the Taceval searching for his weapon, which the groundcrew returned to him at Endex,, with red face and much contrition from said SEngO.

Long before Tacevals were invented the realistic exercises were limited aircrew escape and evasion exercises with army units acting as hunter force.

These were not small scale exercises in places like Salisbury Plain but much larger play areas like the Yorkshire Moors. Lots of aircrew very large hunter forces and worse, civpol and the local population all brought to play through the local press.

Naturally the aircrew were slowly rounded up and put in a holding pen. Now this was not a first for some aircrew who had had previous experience of the real thing. Anyway one managed to spirit away a Sten Gun. This was stripped and the parts distributed around the tent in which they were held. These were then buried.

When the exercise was terminated and the army did a tally they were a Sten short. They guessed where but no one could remember exactly where the aircrew holding pen had been :)

These exercises seemed to peter out in UK in the mid-60s and I have not heard of the BK ones in a long while either.

(I remember the tale of a solo escapee in the 50s, a sqn ldr, his photo in the national press, with a particular challenge or a couple of hundred miles)

TACEVAL had it's quiet moments too. Not being Aircraft orientated my peaceful moments were during the Aircraft Generation phase and one such moment gave a classic overview of the service hierarchy.

Covert Wiltshire airbase.
Myself as JNCO I/C a 4 man BDR team deployed on the airfield in a 'Bread Van' Sun is shining, all the kit is ready, we're ready - Nothing to do. The Storno crackles into life... New field telephone required in the WOC. Ok we'll take it I says. and off we drive into the tech area. I elect to do the job and leave the lads in the Van, our WO was inside and there was the distinct possibility of a cup of tea. So I trots into the control room and seated at a raised table was an officer, with tables in front of him consisting of SNCO's. Everyone looks at me, and the first thing I notice in the brightly lit room was they were all cammed up.
I get down at the front desk and replace the defective phone. I can hear some muttering going on in the room - Upon finishing I look at the SGT and declare the job done.
Corporal - He replies. Why aren't you cammed up?
No point really SGT, I'm sat in a van out on the airfield.... I slot in any excuse I can but it doesn't wash.
Cam up - he says.
What now? - i reply... Yes he responds.
I look at the WO who flashes a quick grin back at me and shrugs.
RIGHT... I half shout, opening my shirt..
What the hell are you doing?
Well SGT if i'm doing it, I may as well do it properly I glower at those in the room... Spitting in my hands and making a foundation, I apply it to my neck, ears face then draw the tiger stripes across. Happy? I ask. - Yes he replies..

I stomp out of the WOC (No cup of tea) and go back to the van. 3 white faces appear at the window and spontaneously bust into laughter at the Combat ready CPL storming toward them. Opening the door I shout and point with my best Alan Sugar finger..
"You lot - f***g cam up - Now"!

Proof positive - It really does flow downhill.

Coningsby - Call Out SNAFU
 

Briefly - in the mid 70s there was an arrangement whereby we could ring home if we needed to, from the squadron, and have the cost charged to our mess bills. For admin reasons the facility was withdrawn. Many of us lived in Woodhall Spa and exercise call out worked on a cascade system with two people telephoned who then passed the word on. One of the two was somewhat aggrieved at the change to our telephone arrangements and, when he was called at stupid o'clock and told there was an exercise, he announced that he was being called on a private telephone which didn't accept Service calls. Unplugged the phone and went back to sleep. Half the aircrew turned up at 0830, as usual, and the telephone arrangements were restored later. Man involved was the well-known *l V*sl**