As a Cranwell flight comander many MANY years ago, I taught the CESR (Customs, Etiquette and Social Responsibility) syllabus to half the Squadron (the other half were taught by a PI who turned FCO Official). I have found the thread interesting and very funny. Congratulations to MM for starting it. However, I cannot wait for the report on the return match! (Or the village cricket match - what will happen, zips notwithstanding, behind the pavilion)

It is acceptable to tell a man he has egg on his chin but a lady NEVER.

She will be horrified when she discovers it for herself and console herself that it may only just have slipped open and luckily gone unnoticed.

For a male companion that she barely knows to tell her would be truely mortifying, destroy her make-up and composure and ensure that she NEVER speaks with you again.

We Old Codgers may be out of touch PN, with the modern day signalling procedure, that tells attendant males when a lady is, ahem, available.:E

Particularly if you are not absolutely sure that it is, in fact, egg....:eek:

Re. the lady with zip security issues, one plays it by ear. Normally one should say nothing at the time and should never comment upon the situation later. But if she's some loud mouthed Jezebel who is being a complete pain, just say "I think you should know that your zip is open..." in a normal voice. Hopefully she'll squeak "Oh my God" and promptly bugger off. But if she's some shy, sweetly demure young thing with butterfly eye lashes, then just invite her to a quiet corner and say "I really didn't want to embarrass you out there and probably no-one else has actually noticed, but I think I should let you know that your zip has slipped slightly. May I fetch you a drink?" She might blush slightly and her little bosom might heave with embarrassment, but no-one will be looking at her and you, being a gentleman, have let her know that you will leave her in peace for a few moments whilst she secures and you find her a drink...

Or just be a Baldrick - "Hold my beer and allow me...." Zzzip! "There you go - all sorted now, dearie!"

Rascal






:p

The DS solution is to wander cooly over to the hostess, whisper in her ear and let her inform the afflicted one, woman to woman. No face lost by the lass and you get to ascend a notch in the hostess's opinion.

CM

Quite right, full marks!

S41

CM, there goes a true afficionado of the OQ scoring chart!

Beagle - the last para of yours is less Baldrick, more tanker / truckie approach?!

Thank you MM, and the usual suspects, for a thread that sums up what Pprune should be all about: the finer things of service (and ex-service) life. As opposed to those dreadful dick-swinging 'my service/job/profession is better than yours' efforts that have dominated this forum over the last 5-10.

And MM, timing is everything. I know we were waiting for the hot debrief but you really did stop the thread expanding massively after Bbadanov mentioned gently teasing the bra off the Col's fruity daughter's heaving bosom with his teeth...that could have run and run.

Regards

sorry Goudie, just checked the thread and you win the Mills and Boon soft porn writer's award!

My mistake.

The DS solution is to wander cooly over to the hostess, whisper in her ear and let her inform the afflicted one, woman to woman. No face lost by the lass and you get to ascend a notch in the hostess's opinion.

Not necessarily, because it wouldn't be long before the hostess started wondering why you were looking at that "area" in the first place. I'm with Beagle's approach - to the demure young thing of course .....:ok:

Jack

The Army approach to the zipper conundrum is to step smartly foward, say in a loud, clear voice, "Stand still that man (regardless of the recipient's gender), I am not touching you, but I am about to adjust your dress!" Lean over, pull the offending article up, and step back again to a safe distance, carrying on the previous conversation. Works every time.

CM - Impressive knowledge of the inner workings of the female psyche.

I must say, I'm exceptionally pleased to see that MM has returned from the mission relatively unscathed... has reported in... and provided a concise ops report. However, much remains to be done, by way of a substantial, full report.

I realise that MM is probably highly fatigued from operations tension, but surely after a couple of days, a complete, detailed report, is the order of the day. One has to ensure that substantial written records are kept, to ensure there are reference notes for further ops.

Remember, at this point, we have inadequate intelligence to proceed with further ops in this region - and the journos at the local Daily Gasp are still eagerly awaiting full details of the precise attire of the more prominent ladies at the event.

We must keep in mind, that wardrobe malfunctions alone, will occupy a vast amount of media attention - let alone how to deal with them in a manner that is socially acceptable, and which will not seriously impinge upon further ops in the region... :ooh:

The alternative DS gentleman's solution, of course, is to carelessly unzip your own fly and pretend that the afflicted lass is merely following the current dress fashion.

CM
....... And hope that MM doesn't get too excited ? !

Remember, Mrs MM wasn't in attendance.

I doubt we will get much by way of detail from MM, as he said, he was compromised by a possible PPRuNer in the form of an AAC pilot:{

Hey chaps, steady on now. I only suggested last night that MM might just be winding us up, but we could hopefully salvage thread. Get back from flying tonight, and all this talk of heaving breasts, unzipped pants, and a blue eyed princess flying solo. Bugger I;m on my 6th week in a tent, remote with my engineer at -30C and the booze ran out a week ago...:ugh:Bloody hell going to have to kit up and go for a walk, cool down.....Bugger it, gonna have some funny dreams tonite me thinks.....:D:{

newfieboy,

Just stay away from Brokeback Mountain !!! LOL

500N


Most certainally sir, engineer a good guy and all ( besides like I said, booze ran out), but I now have visions of blue eyed young Blighty princesses, with heaving bosom and well.......Bugger..:ugh: Sod you MM.....you have truly stirred a hornets nest....:D:=

Stay calm newfieboy. I would make some comment about remembering you're British and to keep a stiff upper lip but the first might not be correct and who knows what is or can, be made and kept stiff at -30C: but I don't believe I just said that!

I'm told bromide used to be helpful in cooling the ardour. Fortunately, I think the stuff they gave me when I joined up - 47 years ago on Sunday - is wearing off.

O-D