"Bloggs exudes a level of confidence rarely matched by competence."

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Regards
4711

"The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking." — Jonathon Swift

“Fg Off xxxxx has the knack of making strangers immediately…………
if you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one………
he would argue with a signpost”

“Cpl yyyyyy has a photographic memory, only with the lens cover left on………
the gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn’t coming…………
if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change………..
some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled…………
the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead”

Roger D


[This message has been edited by Roger D'Erassoff (edited 22 April 2001).]

The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

On a more humerous note.

Our USAF exchange officer asked the CO to "brighten up" his annual report on the basis that the USAF was more easy going than the RAF as far as reporting was concerned. The argument was that if the CO turned out a normal understated RAF annual report it would not look good when interpreted by a USAF review board.

Said exchange officer received his report full of praise for his performance on the squadron. We then found out that when he went in front of the USAF review board he warned them that they should "brighten up" the report since, as they knew, the RAF reports were pretty understated.

Good move Dick!

I had a 'First Reporting Officer' who managed to congratulate himself on my assessments.

'...blah blah (minor criticism)...but has responded to counselling'

Thus, he pointed out his management skill to the Second Reporting Officer..on my flippin assessments!

From some years ago on my 1369

Fg Off Tonkenna would be more suited to a 60's commune than the RAF.

Sometimes whish I had taken the advice!

Tonks :)

1. "I have seen this officer sober."

2. "He is the squadron organiser and Taxi driver"

Albert on Tour

Believe it or not, 'responds well to criticism' is one of attribute examples given in the instruction book. Think yourself lucky, the SH equivalent is 'stupid but saveable!' Maybe your 1st RO was just being polite.

Tonkenna - which makes you idaelly suited to be a UAS QFI!

Many years ago, my Flight Commander at FTS was trying to break the news to me that I was not going to be a fast jet pilot. He said,

"You can either be a trucky, or a smoking hole in a hillside in Wales".

Not that I had a choice.

In the spirit of the thread, but with no claims to authenticity (or duplication from previous posts) these were e mailed to me last week:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"A gross ignoramus. . .144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

"It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

Following a BFT sortie:

'Bloggs has as much SA as a worm in a tumble drier'.
Bloody creamies. Thanx Steve.

Direct quote from Army Course report (not recent)
"This Man is Mentally retarded"

Little bit harsh I feel!

Another old navy chestnut-

"This man uses the Royal Navy to transport his genitals from one place to another"

Once said about a client but applicable to many:
"On the evolutionary scale this man is vying with the frogs for supremacy in the swamp"

This airman's attitude to the fitness test is purely theoretical.

Good on that airman! The RAFFT is an utter piece of ar$e for aircrew who have annual PMEs.

Anyway - I like the comment: "To entrust Bloggs with the command of even a wheelbarrow would be to take a serious risk; were he to be granted command of a mechanically propelled vehicle such as a bicycle, I would wish to be posted to another planet"

"This recruit came from the shallow end of the gene pool."

"He will go far, but most likely in the wrong direction."

Of a Flying Officer pilot at Basic Flying Training School on Jet Provosts:

"By pressing the aircraft start button, F/O ******* sets in motion a sequence of events over which he has little control".

Of a trainee navigator:

"Quite frankly, I would rather have his weight in fuel".

:D

Lt XXXXXX is a tall officer, who stoops!

"There are times when this officer is not sure whether he is this earth, or Fullers"

"If this officer had a brain cell he would probably be a vegetable"

"Lurch would be a psychologist's dream"

Needless to say 'Lurch' had never even been referred to as lurch before.

When interviewed about a report:

"We keep saying 'has potential' but if that doesn't start translating soon then I will just have to assume that you are actually crap"

Immediatelty prior to BHT at BFT a (slightly tense) colleague was informed (from his report):

"A first time pass will ensure xxxxx's continued presence on the course"

Fortunately he passed first time - and was then chopped!