I'm in the Navy. Get me outta here!!!
 

Actually, this ones not from me... I was recently approached by a disgruntled Aircrew Officer who's been lied to by his disappointer too many times. He's still got his return of service and is looking for a way out. Obviously the homosexual card has gone but I seem to remember a clause about running for political office?!? Can anyone enlighten me? Thanks.

Stand for parliament. The only snag is you need a general or by election to stand in, and it'll cost you whatever the deposit is these days - assuming that your friend will loose it of course!

It is unfortunate that the homosexual route is now closed as this practice has now been socialy exceptable in the airlines for some time (not by me!!) but I don't think we would be so understanding of some one who was an MP, suporting the present goverment would just show that the guy had totaly lost the plot.

Is beastiality still illegal?

Sorry to disappoint but "standing" for parliament doesn,t get you out. You are given leave to fight your bye election. You are only "out" if you win it

Pay/lend the friend of Tone £2m and then claim a discharge so you can take your seat in the Lords.

Losing crypto will seal your fate as a 'Mr' but may annoy the rest of us with the paperwork it produces, aside from the obvious security implications. The good old days of just having your laptop nicked from the back seat of your car will probably only get you promoted, not discharged.

How about some sort of JPA abuse? :}



Caveat: No responsibility accepted for noddy suggestions actually put to use.

Is he single? Perhaps he could compromise his security clearance by a judicious marriage to a bit of Taliban totty?

Kiddie fiddling? :eek:

Religious epiphany resulting in an instantaneous conversion to total pacifism?

What's wrong with the tried and tested:

A trip to the tattoo parlour?

http://aids-write.org/wp-content/vis...ce15_large.jpg

Appear on celebrity Big Brother??

How about telling handbrake house you (sorry your mate) refuse to take a CDT? Doesn't matter that you haven't been asked to do one at the time, just refusing is enough to create an admin discharge. And because you haven't failed a test, they can't even call you a line sniffling vein stabber when you (sorry he) does go.

Failing that tell him to turn up to go flying pi$$ed. :E

Even playing the trans-gender re-orientation card is now a non-starter.......

I understand there are now specialist desk officers who can advise on this prickly problem............

A former Artist colleague had earlier in his life managed to get himself discharged from an S-type engagement with the Guards (12 months in the ranks for pot Wooperts) by appearing on parade in his slippers. RSM had him doubled off the square and through the paperwork by 10.00.

Another, a serving Artist at the time, was charged with (and subsequently found guilty of) murder. Just a pity he was 2 i/c HQ Sqn at the time, while a third, a humble Lance Jack, only had to get 18 months for GBH to instigate an immediate discharge.

So, parade in unsuitable footwear, bump off your former girlfriend's new lover or smack a chav in the pub - they all are proven to work :E

LJR
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 reduced the maximum sentence for Bestiality from Life to a max of 2 years imprisonment.
Did you not see the bonfires on the Welsh hillsides ?

Some good ideas here but how about simply putting your letter in, accompanied by a letter rfom a solicitor explaining that the Return of service is illegal and against your human rights and that you intend to fight against the unjust return of service in the courts.

The MOD will not fight a court case against a Return of Service claim and you will be out in the regulation 12 months.

But where's the fun in that? No, you need a tricky little excuse that gets your name in the papers - how about becoming a Jehovah's Witness and then claiming your religion is incompatible with military Service (you know all that bombing, killing and maiming etc). Hence demanding to leave immediately.

Had a male JN once who demanded to be allowed to leave on marriage because at the time the lasses had that right and to deny him similar treatment was sexual discrimination. Had to point out that yes the aircrew ladies did have the right to leave on marriage but only if they'd done 6 years post first OCU. He hadn't so he'd have to wait - meantime if he wanted to act like a girl would he mind coming to work in a skirt!

I know ..... Imps must go back to Shrivenham for (more) EO training!!

How about sending a letter to HM the Queen asking to be relieved of your commission by the untenable position the incumbent government have placed you in? You never know, it might work.




Either that or you can expect a desk job in outer benbecula for the foorseeable!

If you are female, just get up the Duff! :ok: