A little barbecue lunch today. Nothing fancy, just a traditional burger with all the trimmings, buckets of white Bordeaux and a long float in the pool. Sounds lovely. But there are a few things here some of you need to heed.

First the cooker. None of your prefabricated metal monstrosities; this is made from baked clay and cannot be wheeled around the garden. It takes at least an hour to warm the oven to its operating temperature and it cooks slowly and gently.

Next the fuel...

https://scontent-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hp...4d&oe=55D0C714

This is home made wood charcoal from oak felled from our own trees. No gay "briquettes" from your English supermarkets. Days to render to produce the perfect heat and that delicate flavour instilled into the meat. If gas is the flatulence of satan, then those briquette things are surely his turds.

Lighter fluid home made from our own produce. A mix of olive oil from our trees last year, mixed with my neighbour's "special distillation" from his own vines.

Next, the most important thing of all...

https://scontent-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hp...48&oe=55D613D6

To control and correctly mix the charcoal during prepartion, a compressor blade from a Royal Navy Sea Harrier. The first time it's ever done anything useful in its life!

Bon appetit!

Well played Courtney ... But I do think we ought to organise a Brewery Air Drop for you :ok:

Coff, I knew you would save me. Samuel Smiths Old Brewery Bitter would restore me to the peak of perfection. It will have to be at night so I'll lay out the lights for a secret drop zone. You are a star!

CM - not warm enough yet for the pool here in the S Vendee, but a nice enough day nevertheless

CM, mon brave, I do hope that the floater in your pool wasn't as the result of le hamburguerre?

Looks pretty damn nice down there in your part of France! And isn't that a Fighting Cocks' apron?

Tonight's barbi' here in British West Oxfordshire was very much low rent compared with yours - just some more Reichswurst und Bratkartofflen mit Mayo-Senf und ein mandatory Hefe-Weißbier.

Although in your honour, I do admit to have partaken of a little cinquante-et-un whilst the charcoal was firing up....:ok:

FloatING, BEags, not floaters. As well you know. And, yes, very much the chequers apron. As you might expect. I wouldn't want to let you down! :ok:

I trust your barbi tonight is good and not cooked on Satan's turds.

Now, about your language...

Cela ne marchera pas dans cette partie de la France, so I shall have to guess...

Sausage of the Reich and baby potatoes with snotty mayonnaise and "you vill enjoys ze beer!"

Right?

Yes, the Wurst was standard NATO brattie - although like many other things*, they seem to be getting smaller these days....:uhoh:

No doubt in La Belle France, your snorkers are something ethnic made from the tusks, tails, trotters and testicles of the local sanglier?

Barbi' was indeed fired by proper charcoal, not briquettes! With a few wood chippings added.

Mayo-Senf I make from 3 parts mustard to one part mayonnaise - to add some 'Schnelli' taste. As for the Bratkartoffeln, not baby potatoes, more like 'home fries' jazzed up a little. Paulaner Hefe-Weißbier is naturally cloudy 5.5% AbV wheat beer from Bavaria - beats the heck out of VB or that 1664 stuff!



* such as Wagon Wheels, I meant!

We even lit up in deepest darkest Aberdeenshire yesterday. Very pleasant it was too.

Oh well, summer was lovely, Autumn started today.

I cannot compete but, to break our duck, we had the swiftest of lunchtime meals [courtesy of the breath of satan's backside]:

bratties, Large lincolnshires, home-made bread, home-made kaisersenf [:one part horseradish, three parts wholegrain mustard]. And sparkling mineral water. We were both driving.

Flash to bang and out the house inside 60 minutes. How the poor get by.

I love learning, this will be prepped at Casa Del Lobo Solitario this weekend.
I'll add some locally made sausage to the grill as a supplement.
We've been out of town two weekends in a row. SWMBO has requested / directed that Weber Ops shall resume this Sunday evening.
The skirt steak begins marinating Saturday morning in lime and tequila, fresh pablano peppers (from the Saturday Morning farmer's market) will be roasted, and of course onions and jalapenos to round out the veggie contingent. Beer to be named later, but Modelo Especial usually goes well with a fajita dinner.
a quote from our last Weber Operations from my son
"This is better than restaurant food, and cheaper."

...and great fun, Lobo.

GENESIS
 

I now have the best of both worlds - a Weber Kettle (12 yrs old) for the more artisan stuff, and a Weber 330 Genesis for the get-home-and-fancy-a-barbie stuff.

Must say I am gobsmacked with the performance of the 330 - but then again it was ten times the price.

Already enjoyed three hearty menus from the big green Webber. A Sunday Chicken, a pork joint, rendered to pulled pork, and only yesterday a most enjoyable, 5 course Cyprus style evening dinner. Now, I need to get some filfar and Turkish delight. any ideas gentlemen ?

Smudge :ok:

Good work, Smuj! Love your menus too.

Chateau Cortney took delivery of a new, small Weber today to supplement the permanent, built-in, larger capacity barbie. The small one is better for lunchtimes when I'm just cooking four hot dogs. First trial outing this evening produced four perfect Toulouse sausages.

Courtney ...

I can't bear to see you suffering like this any longer ... you are clearly being tortured. With no access to proper beer, being denied a Land Rover of required spec and now finally you are being forced to eat something called a Toulouse Sausage ... we need to get you an Air Drop organised PDQ by the sounds of it ;)

Thanks, Coff. It is pretty tough, but you know me. I'll just soldier on and try not to complain. Actually, you have just given me a great idea. My neighbour is driving down here from England in a couple of weeks with a big, empty trailer. I could actually do with a proper beer or two. I'll get him on the case. :ok:

Courtney, give Parky a call on BBMF to see if he can roster in one if these for you...

http://www.armyairforces.com/download.axd?file=1;215375

It is after all an emergency mercy mission for a Veteran...:ok:

LJ

Great plan, Leon. I'll get the drop zone on the south lawn cleared. :cool:

Woe woe thrice woe!

The weather here ist sehr schlecht, only managed one "sit-outside to eat BBQ" and its almost June.

OK so I am nesh ........ 3 years at Nicosia buggered the body for anything less than 22 Deg for sitting outside. Not seen 22 Deg since last year.

Enough to make one pull one's pork.

...but pulling one's pork isn't something we like to discuss here, Langley. :=

Apparently, Kerry Katona will do pulled pork for £1.50, but unfortunately your wood has to be fired first! (at Iceland):

https://www.iceland.co.uk/_assets/im...xauto/6451.jpg

LJ :ooh:

You forgot to give us Kerry's phone number, Leon.

Steady lads, wasn't it Sqdn Ldr Kerry Katona, that VC10 driver, made up to fit the LH seat ? :rolleyes:

Langley, get some kit on lad, and get your Webber going. Ignore the weather, it's only the construct of those met men.:rolleyes:

Smudge :ok:

Absolutely Smudge!

Weather's never too bad - you're just not properly dressed!

[Applies to a number of outdoor activities! :E]

If you are sure ....................

Who cares about the weather!!
 

If you're using GAS - the very best BBQ fuel, then 24/7/365/366 BBQ'ing is ever so easy!!

Well said Bomber :ok:

Langley, without a doubt weather is the weakest most feeble excuse for not doing a Barbie that could be envisaged. I offer short example. During my time as a Hercules Ground Engineer, I was allocated to a route that had a night stop Gander on night one ( nothing unusual there), however, on arrival Albert decided that a certain part of the No1 engine was unable to continue with the route. A signal was sent and the reply forecast delivery of the replacement part in 36 hours. The night stop was pretty standard, Pizza delight and a few screech and cokes, but on arriving at breakfast the next morning, our Captain informed us that we had been invited to a Barbecue with the RAFLO, at his home, that afternoon. We were to arrive early. Now, I should explain, it was February and the OAT was around -15, a Barbie ?

On arrival, we were given snow shovels and told to start digging Fred's back garden. Sure enough it was around 15 ft deep in snow, and certainly made us sweat to create our Barbecue area. Once cleared Fred rolled the ever faithful Webber out and the charcoal blaze began. Just as well really because we had turned up in our finest shorts and t shirts (we were on our way to Belize ISTR) and after the snow removing exertions, we're starting to feel the cold. Webber did a great job, cooked the food well and kept us warm, despite ambient.

Langley, ignore the weather, get out there young fella and barbecue !!! Trust me, I'm an ex GE :eek:

Smudge :ok:

PS. I did Christmas Dinner for the last five years in the rain, the only addition required to the wet weather garb is the half bottle of a reasonably good brandy. For some reason I don't remember the dinners too well !!

Went to a demonstration at my local garden centre by Weber the other week. They asked who prefered using gas or charcoal then said it makes no difference whatsoever. They both supply heat. The taste comes from the fat hitting the heat source producing smoke and the caramelising of the food. In fact most of their cooking was done using indirect heat effectivly making the BBQ an outdoor oven.

Its not that I have not cooked the Christmas Turkey under the red orb. We did it routinely at JHQ [gas pressure very low on the day, and oven too small], and the Portadown Christmas Eve street party and barbie was an annual event, but what I am whingeing about is the current lack of warmth to stand/ sit outside and socialise with jug in hand.

Grandpa stuck outside supervising a chook whilst all the family are inside watching is not my idea of fun. Sometimes they don't even bother to watch.

Langley,

I always thought you guys could fix the weather. But now it's starting to sound like, rather than choosing the weather and then telling us what you chose, you simply guess what it's going to be. Over 50 years of labouring under another misapprehension. :{

Beagle knew all along ........ "weather-guessers"!

When we retire, we hand in crystal ball[s], seaweed, fircones and casting bones, along with the various IDs and passes. Thereafter we are victims of fickle fate

Managed a quick barbi' last night in the sucker's gap between the vileness of yesterday until late afternoon and today. Charcoal, of course! Chook tit marinated in teriyaki, plus a mix of spuds, baby corncobs, sugar snap peas and peppers under foil in a shallow roasting dish with garlic and oil - tick VG!

Weather guessing:

1. "There is a wave developing on the front" = "It'll be dogsh*t, but we don't know when..."
2. "Developing occlusion" = "It'll be generally dogsh*t, but quite how bad we don't know..."
3. "Likelihood of a trough developing" = "The seaweed has blown away, something has eaten the fir cones, so we haven't a clue. But this is England, so expect the weather to turn dogsh*t without any warning!"
4. "An anticyclone will move into the area over the next 24 hours" = "I'm going on leave!"

Having removed the trusty braai from its winter shelter, was rather miffed to find that the internals had joined the WI and knitted themselves a nice pair of shreddies, albeit in a very fetching blue/brown camo pattern. This despite a carefull cleaning at the end of the last display season.

Easily fixed, full power for 25 mins and all the (now) crispy stuff brushed off rather nicely.

Now waiting for the guessers to provide a suitable window for operations to resume.................

"We flap but we don't fly" [Met men are penguins]

"When I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets"

And even so they paid me very well, and the pension is good ........

good point, well made LB
To be honest, I wouldn't know if my isobars were high, low or indifferent! I'll stop looking for excuses..............

We got one in today although the wind blew the froth off my beer.

That would be the isobars.

Spare ribs, marinated lamb, genuine bratties with Kaisersenf, chicken thighs, Mrs LB's secret veg mix in secret spicy sauce, and topped off with strawberries in Sekt.

Followed by a charp.

Langley,

Bloody good scoff by the sounds of it. We managed a venison steak, prawn skewers and a beer up the bum Chicken this evening. All enjoyed with homemade bread and a smashing mixed salad. My son and his wife said it was "top nosh". Keep firing it up, ignore the met men.

Smudge :ok:

Langley, Smuj is right, good scoff. What we need now is some creative met recipes. Or should I say "through". The simple answer may be Cyclonic Chicken or simply Tournados. I wonder if any PPRuNeRs remember enough of their met studies to come up with some suitable met-flavoured ides?

Chicken mammata?

ACW