Contrary to popular opinion, no cat, or any animal for that matter, actually understands human speech. They only react to associative sounds, such as the unpuckering sigh of fridge door opening.

In imagine if you will, early Saturday morning at a house near you. A man is propelled from bed by a sense of altruism and the sure knowledge that the love of his life deserves a cup of Earl Grey or the finest Darjeeling. Either that or he is simply propelled by a well-aimed elbow or a knee in the back.

He gropes his way downstairs, occasionally opening one eyelid for navigation purposes, to make sure he doesn't fall over something like the cat basket. He vaguely remembers leaving it on the stairs when he got home at 02:00 dark. It seemed like a good idea at the time..

He opens the door of the microwave for illumination, rather than risk the thermonuclear flash of an overhead bulb. The dim light of the microwave is all he can take for him to locate the fridge.

Suddenly he freezes. Something cold, wet, and furry slides over his feet. His bare ankles are trapped. Neolithic hard-wiring warns of danger. In the half-darkness, images of unimaginable creatures race through the most primitive parts of his system. Adrenalin is discharged into his bloodstream. He assumes a kung fu readiness stance [he does, after all, own a beret!] and whirls to face the slithering threat. His foot flails explosively like that of a Thai boxer.

A very startled cat staggers groggily down from the top of the range-hood where it landed after describing a none too graceful arc from in front of the fridge. It is confused. It had entered the kitchen quite happily, anticipating the delicious bowl of Chunky Fish and Chicken, but now retreats to the corner and commences licking...

...which brings me to the Beret: as any airman will tell you, all air force officers look complete prats wearing a beret. Besides, you cannot polish your cap badge with an SD hat, nor clear the inside of your windscreen, put out incipient fires, or give your shoes a quick flick. Unshrunk, you can look a bit like Frank Spenser.

Reference DCINC STC. Got bored too while rolling his sleeves up. And is he wearing spats? Dear me.

Don't take any notice of the knockers. If you want to look like a civvy in uniform or something straight out of Thunderbirds, then wear your Chipbag. There is nothing, absolutely nothing better than a well shaped Beret, especially if it is green and combined with a grade 1. Feel free to add headset but it must not, absolutely not be combined with a Tache! Trinny and Susanna would eat you alive.

http://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/rn/data/...989831555f.jpg

Beags has it. Put the the thing on your pip and pull down on the saggy bit to place it on the appropriate side. After a few days it'll assume the shape needed. Trying to look all warry by soaking and plastering the beast down only makes it look sillier.

Not sure if HM Forces are governed by the same type of people but we had a RSM who would peel the offending article off one's dome and proceed to tear it into small pieces while foaming at the mouth if he found one shaped with water in the manner described on here. This would happen on the parade ground in front of 300 other soldiers and one would be sent off to the QM store to purchase another one after the parade. The next few weeks would see the offender making intimate acquaintance with a chunk of concrete affectionately known as a marble while fulfilling the duties of one confined to barracks with extra drills.

agreed, but you'll find that Ruperts outside of Para Reg, RM and Hereford can't hack a beret.

Green only suits Bootnecks - anyone else wearing it is green slime in barrack parlance.

My wife always said I looked best in my beige one ;)

Beret Shaping
 

Just checked inside my beret which has shaping instructions on the label as follows.
1) Immerse beret alternately in hot & cold water until soaked through - DO NOT WET LEATHER BAND.
2) Place beret on head & mould to desired shape.
3) Leave beret to dry naturally.
Some other info which may be of interest
Wearing of Head-dress
When wearing uniform outdoors, on or off base, headdress is to be worn by all personnel in the following manner:
a. No 1 SD Hat. The No 1 SD hat is to be worn so that the bottom of the hat is 25mm above the eyebrows, the front of the hat level and the
badge positioned centrally. The chinstrap is to be taut and positioned to cover the blue seam between the hatband and peak. RAF Police
personnel of the rank of WO and below wear a white-topped SD Hat when wearing all variations of No 1 or No 2 SD. The No 1 SD hat is
never worn with CS 95.
b. Forage Cap. The forage cap, which is an optional extra at own expense, is worn tilted to the right so that that front edge is approximately
25mm above the eyebrows and the side edge is approximately 12mm above the right ear. The material is blue/grey worsted barathea of
standard styling for wg cdrs and below; for gp capts and air officers the cap is piped in Minerva blue. The forage cap is never worn with CS 95.
c. Beret. The beret is to be worn so that the black band is horizontal around the head and 25mm above the eyebrows. The surplus material is to
be pulled down over the right ear and the badge clearly displayed in a position directly above the left eye. The adjustment ribbon is to be
secured with a knot and the surplus ends hidden from sight.
d. Turbans. Officers and airmen of Sikh religion may wear turbans of the approved Service pattern and colour, instead of uniform headdress.
The appropriate cap badge is to be fitted centrally on the turban with its base at the apex of the triangle of the headband. When necessary to
wear specialist headgear such as combat helmets or flying helmets the turban has to be removed and the patka (mini turban) may be worn.
e. Hijabs. Muslim females may wear Hijabs of the approved pattern and colour under their uniform headdress except when operational,
training or health and safety considerations dictate otherwise. It is worn without cap badge under the hat outdoors and without hat indoors. The
hijab is to be worn in such a way that rank slides are visible at all times.
0125. Hats need not be worn: (QR 202)
a. When indoors at designated place of work.
b. When in FOD hazard areas.
c. When serving detention.
d. When otherwise ordered.
e. When engaged on PEd instructional duties (PTIs only).
f. When attending a church service (female personnel excepted).
g. Male personnel, other than members of the Jewish faith or of other religions which require the head to be covered on solemn occasions,
when in civil or Service courts and when taking oaths, are to have the head uncovered whenever they take oaths. (See AP 3265 – Guide to
Legal Procedures).
h. Additionally, except when on duty under arms, Service personnel in civil courts are not to wear their headdress while the judge or magistrate
is present.

Oy BEags (He says, leading with his chin) Wot about the SH mates?? Perhaps not considered by superannuated Fun Bus drivers to be:

a. Officers OR
b. Aircrew ;)

DCinC's 'at
 

Duncano,
So, reading your post it seems that DCinC is not only wearing the wrong 'at, he's wearing it in the wrong way. It should be tilted over his right ear. Are you going to tell him or shall I?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Betty!
 

Agree with Climebear. Just be grateful that DCINC STC was not wearing one of his huge stock of white tee-shirts and could the 'spats' be harrier aircrew boots? A beret was good enough for the 1st Sea Lord and piping is something we do to get him on and off his warships.
http://www.warshipsifr.com/media/admwest2.jpg

Ref DCinC RAF (down a few posts) Just an aside, but it always tickles me that people wear the CS95 disruptive pattern stuff, I presume so that it is more difficult for the enemy to see them, then add a bloody great red/white/blue belt. Rather spoils the effect don't yer think.
Wings on CS95? Well he is a pilot. We ought to be thankful he's not wearing a ruddy "growbag"!!!
Looks like the RN have it right....again (doh!)

Trinny AND Susanna, eh?
Never mind all this hat stuff - please tell us more about THAT!;)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/lifestyle/tv_an...styleguide.jpg

i can help you with this being a lowly space cadet.....

Get in the shower with it on, sounds silly i know (it works) Once soaked (the band keeps itself dry enough) simply mould to your desired shape. I.E. the RAF way.... and then stand under shower again. Once this has been completed for a little while take the beret off. Fold to allow the shaping to be bent across the fold and pin under something heavy, or with bulldog clips. Allow to dry...well near enough dry and then repeat and after the 2nd time it will be shaped perfectly!!!

Since the originator of this thread is a UAS bod, it is worth mentioning:

1. If soaking the beret in a washing machine, take the beret off your head first.

2. If drying the beret in a microwave, take the beret off your head first.

(can't be too careful...)

C&B

Smashing to see much to debate coming from one photo of a senior officer.
The whole brevet/stable belt/bona-mate p*ss flap boots combo is quite outstanding - he ought to be SH; going to such lengths to make sure no-one else present is dressed the same.
Re: drying the sodden wet mass that used to be a beret - find something the same size as your swede to leave the thing on whilst it dries. Drying it in-situ is v similar to that thing the Indians (Native Americans) used to do with wet rawhide to the white men who upset them; the bulging eyes are a good sign that things have gone awry!
Beags - I used to take my SD hat away with me until it went missing and was found days later in a blanks bag - I then found the one true path and dug out the beret - more functional and less 'BoB extra'!!

All well and good, but you neglected to mention that the men to which you refer also have a penchant for wearing blonde wigs, pink dresses and big floppy hats and/or rolling around on the grass with each other, naked save for a couple of rollmats on their arms. We're not about to follow that example either.

Ghostie

Don't listen to all the ramblings on this thread they'll only lead you astray - especially those from the zobbits that show up here. There's only one sure-fire way to get a beret that looks good and sits well - own it for a goodly number of years in service.

Mind you, the shrinking ploy will give it a head-start (sheesh!), but generally it's down to exposure to Avtur, Avgas and splash or two of OM-15.

:hmm:

:ok:

Fantastic!

Now i've got top cover for wearing my chip-bag on CS95 AND Brevet. A wee print is rolling off the printer: it will duly be presented to anyone who objects to me being dressed properly.

:ok:

Why is it that the RAF get so an*l about not putting wings on CS95.

The AAC wear their wings on their CS95

Paratroopers of all varieties (including RAF) have their wings on their CS95.

But for some reason the RAF (where the decisions on dress policy are taken by GD (late aircrew) air officers) doesn't want you to do it!!!

Hats, Bah humbug.
 

This hat wearing malarky, does it apply to spec aircrew/PA, if so where does one aquire one of these appendages? They'll be expecting quarterly haircuts next!!!!
Load moving......

PS What is an icon?