Parade Speak
 

I'm off on a Det soon where I'll be taking plenty of recruits on parades. What stock phrases can you remember which should be used on the parade square??

Eg: "Are you wearing that beret OR JUST STANDING UNDERNEATH IT?"

A mild reprimand
 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww, that (wo)man there, straighten those arms or I will march you over to the flagpole, bend you over, stick it up your @rse and FLICK you back from wence you came!

Obviously this is screamed using the 'speaking out of the corner of the mouth' method.

Regards

ss

(Swinderby circa 1986) "You're supposed to bull your boots and iron your tousers, not the other way around!"

"The iron is the thing that lives in the cupboard with the small three-pronged bit at one end and the large hot bit at the other..."

There are more but the memories make me cringe at this time of day...


SBG:D

Drill Bloke: Did you use a mirror when shaving this morning sir??
Cdt Teeters: Yes sergeant!
Drill Bloke: Well use a fcuking razor next time!!

Cranwell Parade Square early 80's, on early morning drill session with Flt Sgt taking drill. Flt Sgt looking at slightly dishevelled cadet (male) next to me in line:

"Mr Pulfrew are you feeling sexually aroused?"

"No Flt Sgt"

"Well you should be 'cos your are standing next to the biggest c**t I have ever seen".:suspect:

Probably not allowed to say things like that nowadays!:hmm:

Cranwell no 1 Mess Parade square:

Q: Did you iron that?
A: Yes Flt Sgt
Q: With an iron?
A: Yes Flt Sgt
Q: Was plugged in?
A: Yes Flt Sgt
and so on

Or one from a cranwell PT kit inspection:

PTI: OFFICER CADET BLOGGS!!!
OC Bloggs: Yes Staff
PTI: GO DOWN TO STORES AND GET YOURSELF ISSUED A CHEST!

Are you allowed to say "nasty" things to recruits today? Met a "waste of space yoof" about a 18 months ago who left the RAF after----10 days ! :ok: as he ( allegedly ) kept being shouted at by a Rock Cpl. -----aaaaaawwww!--poor dear:=

1 Wing Halton--Liverpudilian F/S DI--favourite rant "Toes in boots! Toes in boots"!--one day, utters these words and from about 2 ranks behind me comes this very forced whisper " Where else are they going to be yer thick scouse t££t"--never seen a DI stuck for words until then :D

It was just as bad in "the good old days".
South Cerney January 1964, we lost the first aspiring fighter pilot less than 24hrs after he had arrived. Didn't expect to live in a barrack block with 24 other blokes and was upset with the attitude of the "geezers" in uniform. A further three left in as many days for similar reasons. Another left in the middle of the night but he was a Rhodesian and it was the time of Smith and UDI.

At BRNC Dartmouth just a few weeks after the first WRNS Officers had arrived (1977) the Royal Marine Colour Sergeant (Don't call me Colours I aint a **cking rainbow) was drilling some young male officers. The young WRNS officers were waiting for their turn and were all giggling at the tick tocking etc of the blokes. The CSGT halted the platoon of men, marched smartly over to the WRNS and said 'I don't know what you lot are laughing at you've only got one c*nt to look after, but I've got 24'. Fortunately PCness had not arrived in the RN then, so they just went quiet and looked sheepish! :D

With Flt Sgt Standing behind said Bloggs.....

Am I hurtin' you Bloggs?

No, Flt Sgt.

I Should be, I'm standing on your hair.

Etc etc

Matt,
Priceless:ok:

"The further north they come from the thicker they are. Where are you from Bloggs, the f@@@ing Shetland Isles?"

Once heard on a parade pracice at ISK.

SWO marches up to Wg Cdr Parade Commander who has been waiting with the troops twenty minutes for said SWO to bother to turn up.

SWO salutes Parade Commander
Parade Commander returns salute.
'You're late SWO'
'Sir, do not confuse your rank with my seniority'

In the late 50s at RAFC, the drill FS, probably Bogbrush, was cajoling the Junior Entry about their demeanour, and was of the opinion that they should show more pride as ".. men have died in that unifiorm."

A small voice from the back said, "Hope nobody died in mine, Flight Sergeant."

Am I hurting you sunshine? I should be I am stood on your hairstyle!!!

Right Bloggs your choice, Sideys trimmed to the correct length or ears lowered.

When you shave in the morning sunshine stand a bit closer to the razor!!

Stand up straight sonny or the gleam in your eye will be from the end of my pace stick after I have rammed it up your asre.

Oh those where the days. Now instead of the nasty PTI shouting "Feet together with a jump, PLACE! Three times round my beautiful body at the sprint GO!" You are more likely to hear "OK it was supposed to be crosscountry today, but there is a 10% chance of rain, so get the benches out (4 to a bench, lift with the legs, remember to breathe) and we will have a nice cup of tea and talk the RAF corporate image"

DI: "You see the horizon Bloggs?"

Bloggs: "Yes, Flight."

DI: "Well go and stand on it, you f**king sack of sh!t."

(Vintage 1967)

OCTU Henlow 1969. During one of the many drill sessions, Regiment Sgt is in full flow with the usual comments. He stands behind one of the more shapely WRAFs (one without upside down legs) and shouts 'Miss xxxx pull your shoulders back and get your chest out'; Miss xxxx duly obliged. The Sgt, in a voice reminicent of Bill Fraser as Sgt Snudge, responded with 'LOVELY'. Even in those non-PC days, the Sgt had a short and sharp one-way interview with the Senior Rock.

Circa '67

Drill FS - I can't hear the pace - are we marching on a field of bare t*ts ?

Bloggs - If you persist in waving that weapon around, I will stick it so far up your a*se you will think you're growing a new tooth!!

Anyone remember three times round the "hill" at Swinderby ?

Lovely days !,

ImageGear

a friend of mine told me this happened on a parade prctice at coltishall a couple of years ago, the SWO confronts a scruffy SAC and jabs his pace stick into his chest..
SWO: "airman, there appears to be a piece of **** on the end of my stick!!"
SAC" not this end sir..."

Old story roony... but good nonetheless!

Cranwell, the College WO walked up to some hapless cadet (might have been me) and whispered in his ear:

"Have you heard about the German on the Station, sonny?"
"No, Sir" (cacking myself)
"Herr Barbers? HERR CUTZ???"
(Almost in tears): "Okay, Sir!"

Also heard on parade:

"Officer Cadet FOX!!!!"
"Yes Flt Sgt!"
(After a pause) "Are you as CUNNING as a fox?"
"Sometimes Flt Sgt!"

Guess you had to be there... :}