Acronyms and other gobbledygook
I've had a complete throbber foisted on me who spends the day playing on Excel creating pie and bar graphs which threaten to expose my low output rate. He constantly chips in with "gap analysis" (something to do with peering into a hole) and "granular detail". I think the latter has something to do with the molecular structure of the universe, or perhaps the refinement of sugar cane. I'm open to suggestions.
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"gap analysis"
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You never buy a house now, it's a property... 
Gnome de PPRuNe
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Which perfectly fits my theory that many people will never use one syllable if three or more will do... example I saw years ago is "personal transportation facilitator" = bus driver. 'Twas writ thus on a TfL bus info notice I was reading while travelling on said personal transport along with about 20 other customers... er, passengers.
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Experience has taught me that people who use words like “stakeholder” and “granular” usually have very, very small appendages which they spend an inordinate amount of time playing with because one, they don’t have any real friends and two, they can’t actually do the job they are supposed to be supervising. It’s a sad world.
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Stakeholder is a good one since its original meaning is almost exactly the opposite of how it is used in business-speak:
(in gambling) an independent party with whom each of those who make a wager deposits the money or counters wagered.
When I flew civilian Bell 212s for the UN.
The UN always had an ex-military fellow as “Chief Air Staff Officer”. Some were great guys, others - not so much.
My “Tasking” for today?
Don’t know, what does the “Frago” say?
“Wait one!” Just “Hang Fire” and I’ll “Reach out” to “Command Authority”. Then we’ll “impact our options”.
Nothing like a good dose of jargon to start the day.
“Reach Out” sounds like a panhandler in the street asking for a handout. Especially when what is actually needed is to loudly sound reveille in the upper reaches of the organization in New York.
Of course because of time zones it’s 0700 where you are and midnight in NYC and they only work from 0900 to 1600 Monday to Friday. No one is there Sat. and Sun. plus they don’t work on holidays and at the UN there are lots of holidays. “ No one is working in that office today because the person in charge is from XXXX and today is their national day”.
Need quick decisions? Be prepared to wait 3-4 daze minimum for a reply and if it a hard decision they start ignoring your message immediately until they can delete your email and put the hard copies through the paper shredder. “Request? What request?” Trust me don’t make an issue of this or the co-operation level will totally flat line.
The search for the “Weapons of Mass Distraction” in Iraq before the last “Operation Frequent Manhood” was run from NYC. Oh what “fun” we had…how little we accomplished.
Sorry for the thread drift.
The UN always had an ex-military fellow as “Chief Air Staff Officer”. Some were great guys, others - not so much.
My “Tasking” for today?
Don’t know, what does the “Frago” say?
“Wait one!” Just “Hang Fire” and I’ll “Reach out” to “Command Authority”. Then we’ll “impact our options”.
Nothing like a good dose of jargon to start the day.
“Reach Out” sounds like a panhandler in the street asking for a handout. Especially when what is actually needed is to loudly sound reveille in the upper reaches of the organization in New York.
Of course because of time zones it’s 0700 where you are and midnight in NYC and they only work from 0900 to 1600 Monday to Friday. No one is there Sat. and Sun. plus they don’t work on holidays and at the UN there are lots of holidays. “ No one is working in that office today because the person in charge is from XXXX and today is their national day”.
Need quick decisions? Be prepared to wait 3-4 daze minimum for a reply and if it a hard decision they start ignoring your message immediately until they can delete your email and put the hard copies through the paper shredder. “Request? What request?” Trust me don’t make an issue of this or the co-operation level will totally flat line.
The search for the “Weapons of Mass Distraction” in Iraq before the last “Operation Frequent Manhood” was run from NYC. Oh what “fun” we had…how little we accomplished.
Sorry for the thread drift.
Evertonian
I thought it was Purple A*sed Ape
Avoid imitations
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I’m a founder member of S.O.U.B.*
Reach out = ask.
*Stamp out unnecessary bull£hit.
Reach out = ask.
*Stamp out unnecessary bull£hit.
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Spiral develop.
