Oh poo....
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There is the story of a Shackleton flight engineer who carried out his early morning ablutions on the aircraft Elsan only to discover that he had in fact evacuated his bowels into the sleeve of his emersion suit and not into the bowl. He said that he discovered the error when he pulled the sleeve back on and out it came like a brown length of toothpaste.
One of my Crewman Leader's on SH, Chris Fynes RIP, went off to do what bears do in the woods.
All went well until he pulled the top of his flying suit up............
........and ended up with something very nasty between his shoulder blades!
lsh
All went well until he pulled the top of his flying suit up............
........and ended up with something very nasty between his shoulder blades!
lsh
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A/F Chief at Brize LSS, end of shift washes his hands, plunges them into the tin of swarfega and pulls out a....... you guessed it.
Avoid imitations
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RIP Chris, a great crewman leader and friend, sadly missed.
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All went well until he pulled the top of his flying suit up............
Roadside download, survival training (Moortrek back then)...when we used to do that **** (no pun intended
) in our flying gear.It was the last night of four during the biggest UK heat wave of last century, so I doubt the whiff for my rellow student survivors was a whole lot worse that it would have already been.
I wish there was a "like" button for posts here, Shy and lsh - Chris, a moustachio'd individual (who became known for screen-time during the First Gulf Unpleasantness) and I used to make up an all-Fg-Off crew around the usual SH haunts. Chris was the complete gent; last saw him when he brought the CRM roadshow to Laarparts, where he dealt very diplomatically with the twunt of a Stn Cdr who didn't seem to see why Light-Dove-Love-Jets needed these skills.
I was at Aldergrove in the 80’s and in the JOC on a night shift. The urge came and I had to pooh. Bodily function complete and twisting and wiping my rear end, I got a stabbing pain in my back, I naturally quickly put my hand on my back; alas it was full of soiled paper. I had a brown splat on my back and the smell.........
.
.
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Ahhh. The VC10 incident and the frozen bog valve that was gently defrosted by a Palouse air start trolley resulting in the partial contents being ejected across several rows of seating in the aft cabin...
I wish there was a "like" button for posts here, Shy and lsh - Chris, a moustachio'd individual (who became known for screen-time during the First Gulf Unpleasantness) and I used to make up an all-Fg-Off crew around the usual SH haunts. Chris was the complete gent; last saw him when he brought the CRM roadshow to Laarparts, where he dealt very diplomatically with the twunt of a Stn Cdr who didn't seem to see why Light-Dove-Love-Jets needed these skills.
I think you may mean Jon, as regards GW1 etc.
Yes, Chris did deliver CRM training, grounded following medical problems from a Chinook accident years before.
I worked for them both and much enjoyed it. They sounded identical.
However, one was a Flt Lt I knew well, the other was a Wg Cdr who I did not.
Especially after a beer, I tended to press transmit before thinking, I had to be careful!
lsh
Last edited by lsh; 6th Feb 2021 at 09:12. Reason: spelling
Hmm... I'm not sure I want to know more... but could that perhaps be a story for my website NutLoose?
Please accept my apologies. My post #7 should have read "...at one time, 3 of us: a moustachio'd individual (who became known for screen-time during the First Gulf Unpleasantness), Chris and I used to make up an all-Fg-Off crew around the usual SH haunts." Sorry for the ambiguity 
We had a guy in our Ellesmere Port location who would leave a steamer in the coffee cup of any individual who offended him. He was never caught and was universally known as “The Phantom”.
In less-PC days, we had a Phantom Splatterer on the base at Pearce, the only way he could make a mess like that would be to have his anus halfway up his back, so we were on the lookout for The Thalidomide Kid.
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Last century when a certain navy had a proper aircraft carrier a member of the crew of a multi engine prop asw aircraft had to do doodoos during a six hour mission.
Using his inflight lunchbox he jettisoned the contents overboard.
Upon recovery the Aircraft Engineering Officer bounces up to ascertain the aircraft serviceability.
Running his finger across a "stain" "What's this ****" he questioned.
"Yes Sir that's what it is" came the aircraft captain's reply.
E86
Using his inflight lunchbox he jettisoned the contents overboard.
Upon recovery the Aircraft Engineering Officer bounces up to ascertain the aircraft serviceability.
Running his finger across a "stain" "What's this ****" he questioned.
"Yes Sir that's what it is" came the aircraft captain's reply.
E86
As a young LAC I was shown how to empty the toilets by an experienced Cpl, always check the gate valve handle is up, always check was his wise words! Any way he was showing me one more time before I was allowed to try for myself. Except he forgot the gate valve check.... Cap removed, the effluent shot out, bouncing off of his chest, he bent forward and the remaining contents then bounced off his back, I was so glad I was observing from the ground. Much laughter from the other lineys
Lets just say it was a welcome to the VC-10 I never forgot, and definitely a 'I learned about aircraft servicing from that' moment
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Using an ice pick and hammer to smash the 'blue' ice, splatters flying everywhere....
As a young LAC I was shown how to empty the toilets by an experienced Cpl, always check the gate valve handle is up, always check was his wise words! Any way he was showing me one more time before I was allowed to try for myself. Except he forgot the gate valve check.... Cap removed, the effluent shot out, bouncing off of his chest, he bent forward and the remaining contents then bounced off his back, I was so glad I was observing from the ground. Much laughter from the other lineys
Lets just say it was a welcome to the VC-10 I never forgot, and definitely a 'I learned about aircraft servicing from that' moment
As a young LAC I was shown how to empty the toilets by an experienced Cpl, always check the gate valve handle is up, always check was his wise words! Any way he was showing me one more time before I was allowed to try for myself. Except he forgot the gate valve check.... Cap removed, the effluent shot out, bouncing off of his chest, he bent forward and the remaining contents then bounced off his back, I was so glad I was observing from the ground. Much laughter from the other lineys
Lets just say it was a welcome to the VC-10 I never forgot, and definitely a 'I learned about aircraft servicing from that' moment
Yes it was known for some people to crack the valve open then shut it again awaiting the unsuspecting rigger..
As far as I remember the blue Ice was what happened with the palouste, they couldn't shift it after many attempts to unblock it, then someone had the idea of melting it with a really low setting on the palouse and gently blowing warm air at it, the seat was jammed down with a lump of timber and operations commenced, shortly after a loud bang was heard as the wood departed and the contents back flushed itself over several rows of seats and trim, even after the carpets, seats and trim was replaced it still stank of poo and sat on the apron for days with the doors open and frequent aerosol deoderant spray visits.
Poo Husbandry
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people seem to find themselves caught short at inopportune moments.
That one person should need to make use of an aircraft toilet for a number two should be considered an emergency.
The fact that enough people have needed it that the tanks were full just shows how many people aren’t able to ‘go before they leave the house’!
I can literally count on one hand the number of times I have needed to use a toilet for a number two, other than the one in my accomodation, in the whole of my post infant life.
Am I the weird one?
BV
That one person should need to make use of an aircraft toilet for a number two should be considered an emergency.
The fact that enough people have needed it that the tanks were full just shows how many people aren’t able to ‘go before they leave the house’!
I can literally count on one hand the number of times I have needed to use a toilet for a number two, other than the one in my accomodation, in the whole of my post infant life.
Am I the weird one?
BV
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I guess it depends on your routine. If you work normal days you can plan your ablutions such that you go before leaving the house & you’ll be back home before the next event is likely to occur.
If your work pattern doesn’t fit such a regular structure, with very early reports with long days (16 hours CDT) then it’s much harder to be ‘regular’.
I only ever resorted to using the Elsan in the C130k once, in the direst of emergencies, because I would far rather hold it in & wait for a proper porcelain experience. Similarly the slightly less offensive toilet on the J received minimal use. On the A400 having the luxury of a proper toilet with a locking door meant that I could be relaxed about needing an in-flight dump.
It doesn’t explain why some retard would crap on the toilet floor which was the point of the first post on this thread.
If your work pattern doesn’t fit such a regular structure, with very early reports with long days (16 hours CDT) then it’s much harder to be ‘regular’.
I only ever resorted to using the Elsan in the C130k once, in the direst of emergencies, because I would far rather hold it in & wait for a proper porcelain experience. Similarly the slightly less offensive toilet on the J received minimal use. On the A400 having the luxury of a proper toilet with a locking door meant that I could be relaxed about needing an in-flight dump.
It doesn’t explain why some retard would crap on the toilet floor which was the point of the first post on this thread.
