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Old 11th Feb 2019, 18:54
  #21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Dundee
Posts: 99
Could have been worse.
weemonkey is offline  
Old 11th Feb 2019, 21:30
  #22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baston
Posts: 1,526
Originally Posted by downsizer View Post
I don't understand why people feel the need to post these stories? What do they bring to the forum.
It said PISSGATE and you opened it.

Caveat emptor.
langleybaston is offline  
Old 11th Feb 2019, 22:17
  #23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Scotland
Posts: 193
Originally Posted by meleagertoo View Post
In times past rig workers on the N Sea were issued with an immersion suit for the helo trip out to their rig.
These paragons would fall out the dockside bars of Footdee at 0500 and taxi to Dyce where they would struggle into their immersion suits and zizz off in the helo. On longer trips the inevitable often happened and with no other option many arived onboard in a swampy condition.
As if this wasn't bad enough these were suits were not personal issue but pool items which they had to hand over to one of the offgoing crew they were replacing. There were no spares...if you wanted to go on leave there was no option...
Never heard that story, and I've done plenty of trips offshore. Thankfully now you are issued with your survival suit at the embarkation heliport and that is yours for the entire trip. It sits in your cabin and it's what you would use if you needed to evacuate from the accommodation. If out on deck in an emergency you help yourself to one of the suits in lockers on deck. Life jackets, however, are exchanged on deck between incoming and outgoing personnel as the chopper arrives.
alwayslookingup is offline  
Old 11th Feb 2019, 22:31
  #24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Closer than you think...
Age: 59
Posts: 383
At least it was just a No 1, could have been worse, far worse.

Early 80's at a certain not so secret RE base/engineering school somewhere near Chatham the students were entertained by attending a weekly Co's parade at stupid o'clock, No 2 Dress was naturally required.

One L/Cpl (not me I hasten to add, nor was I involved in the planting/laying of the items ) having been out on the lash the night before and getting in latish or was it earlyish… got up far too late and rushed to get ready... Got the kit on, looked well smart too all things considering and was a sure fire for complements from the inspecting officer.

It went downhill and just kept going when he quickly put his best boots on... Should have looked first, he really should have looked first... The feet went in to a sort of cold squishing sensation (his description later, but it may have been put more colourful at the time) and the smell..... So here he was, dressed to impress, just enough time to do the laces up and get out there and smelling like.... Well, I'm sure you can imagine.

An impression was certainly made. Wasn't the one he hoped for mind and the Provo Sgt had a certain knack of putting it over in a way that you couldn't fail to understand..... but then when a serial practical joker who had spent most of the course inflicting things various on the rest of the course fails to check his boots for a revenge No 2.......

Right, now I've managed to lower the tone in a true squaddie fashion I'm off for a brew and ten minutes on ARRSE....
Always a Sapper is offline  
Old 11th Feb 2019, 23:33
  #25 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Around here
Age: 43
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by langleybaston View Post
Caveat emptor.
Hopefully he didn't buy anything from the helpful adverts offered....
lancs is offline  
Old 12th Feb 2019, 09:45
  #26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Age: 46
Posts: 148
Many moons ago, in the middle of the night I was fast asleep in my room at RAF Laarbruch when I was suddenly awakened by someone switching on my room light. My room was slightly partitioned by a supporting wall, so I couldn’t see my door from my bed. I quickly got up to find someone standing up and p*ssing on my sofa! What in the **** are you doing says I to the man standing there, who seemed oblivious to what he was doing (it was no-one I recognised either). He suddenly woke up, stopped the stream and bolted out of my door. Next morning, much embarrassment and laughter at breakfast in the mess – it transpired that he was a visitor on a course and suffered from sleep walking (& p*ssing by all accounts) and at the time of the ‘offence’ thought he was in his bathroom at home!!

The fine was a case of Becks or Wobbly which in hindsight probably wasn’t a good thing, given I’m sure I shared a can or two with him the following night!
NickB is offline  
Old 12th Feb 2019, 11:07
  #27 (permalink)  

Avoid imitations
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Wandering the FIR and cyberspace often at highly unsociable times
Posts: 11,908
I once suffered a similar problem at RAF Mountbatten, where I'd gone for a sea survival refresher course. I had travelled back from abroad so was very tired. I booked into my room (which had twin beds) at the end of the afternoon and went for an evening meal. When I returned I realised that someone else had been booked into the same room (I had been told this might be necessary when I booked in) and had put their stuff on the other bed. I later went to bed, only to vaguely become aware of someone coming into the room and getting into the other bed.

After a while, I woke up with a start, sensing someone standing right next to my bed. What was worse was that he was obviously worse for drink and he was trying to pee in the adjacent sink. My soap, flannel and toothbrush were taking a real soaking. I just said "OI!" and he jumped a foot. Next day the bar steward completely denied it.
ShyTorque is online now  
Old 12th Feb 2019, 18:11
  #28 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Around
Posts: 763
Originally Posted by langleybaston View Post
It said PISSGATE and you opened it.

Caveat emptor.
Yet more great banter on the mil history forum.
downsizer is offline  
Old 12th Feb 2019, 18:51
  #29 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 2,117
Was it just a miss-spelling of Puss-in-Boots?
Ascend Charlie is online now  

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