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Best Messages Ever

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Best Messages Ever

Old 24th Sep 2018, 11:28
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In similar vein, an unforgettable comment in the Messing Suggestions book in the O Mess at RAF Lossiemouth in or around 1974:
"I wish to suggest that the Mess consider the provision of a cover for the cheese board as a crust is forming on the cheese that even the flies have difficulty in penetrating.."

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Old 24th Sep 2018, 16:04
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I was leading a formation of 4 Chinooks on a navex in Germany, and we had booked ourselves into Coleman US Army Airfield (Mannheim) for a refuel. Good old Strike Command issued fresh random formation callsigns every few weeks and, on that day, we were 'Corncrake'.

As we approached Coleman, my NH called the formation across to their Tower frequency, and the following exchange took place:

Chins - 'Coleman, this is Corncrake Formation'.

Tower - 'Errr, is that Corncrisp information?' [giggling amongst crew]

Chins - 'Negative, Corncrake Formation.'

Tower - 'Err, understand Cornflake Information?' [guffawing amongst crew]

Chins - 'Never mind, 4 RAF CH47s, 5 miles to the South, to join'.

Tower - 'Ah Roger RAF CH47s, you are clear to join.'

The controller was clearly not an ornithologist.
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Old 24th Sep 2018, 17:02
  #63 (permalink)  
 
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It’s a Cereal problem when dealing with US Mil
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 07:22
  #64 (permalink)  
 
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Female fighter controller at Boulmer to a Lightning:-

"Keep a good lookout, you are entering my dark area"

"I'll be careful"
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 07:45
  #65 (permalink)  
 
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From a female Air Trafficker at Wildenrath in the early 70's to an aircraft on approach ( a Hercules IIRC) :

" Overshoot!........I've just had an abortion in the middle of the runway."
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 08:27
  #66 (permalink)  
 
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In the OM foyer at RAF Valley, a glass-topped cabinet held the Visitors Book, signed only by VIPs. The pages would be turned at various intervals to show who had visited.

One day, the page in view read 'Philip' (yes, that one) and underneath 'To all my mates on XXX course'.

It was there for a few days until the PMC spotted it. Outraged, he summoned the course leader and demanded an explanation, pointing at the Visitors Book with fury.

"Oh, sorry sir - let me fix it" said the course leader. Whereupon he opened the cabinet, ripped out the offending page and tore it up. Needless to say, the PMC went into low Earth orbit at this piece of vandalism. Then he notice that the rest of the course were killing themselves with laughter - the offending page had actually been a carefully planted Xerox copy of the real one with Phil-the-Greek's signature and had been skilfully inserted.

The PMC failed to appreciate the joke - I gather a few course members 'volunteered' for extra Orderly Officer duty as a result.
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 09:25
  #67 (permalink)  
 
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The Trafalgar Way is the name given to the route used to carry dispatches with the news of the Battle of Trafalgar overland from Falmouth to the Admiralty in London. The first messenger with news of the historic battle was Lieutenant Lapenotiere, of HMS Pickle, who reached Falmouth on the 4th November, 1805.

Lapenotiere made 21 stops to change horses on his 37 hour 271 miles journey by post chaise from Falmouth to London and he changed horses at Truro, Fraddon, Bodmin, Launceston, Okehampton, Crockernwell, Exeter, Honiton, Axminster, Bridport, Dorchester, Blandford Forum, Woodyates, Salisbury, Andover, Overton, Basingstoke, Hartfordbridge, Bagshot, Staines and Hounslow.


Lt Lapenotiere’s message, which he placed in the hand of the First Sea Lord read;


“Contact, wait out!”
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 10:28
  #68 (permalink)  
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Blimey, no wonder the Admiralty developed the semaphore line to Portsmouth!
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 10:40
  #69 (permalink)  
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He would still beat Network Rail /SW Trains...
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 12:59
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Lucky the reply wasn't "Repeat please".
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 14:30
  #71 (permalink)  
 
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Storno handsets used on the line at BZN late 80's, every summer when the weather was right, nothing but an Italian taxi firms broadcasts coming over it... utter gibberish and even worse than the usual gibberish we got for the rest of the year.
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 15:47
  #72 (permalink)  
 
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Interesting Nutloose. On RAFG Harrier force in the 70's we had one sky-wave which caused our Stornos late one afternoon to put us in 2-way contact with a group of Chicago Taxi Drivers. I think both groups increased their span of vocabulary as a result.......
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 16:44
  #73 (permalink)  
 
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Not aviation-related... and may get modded-out... but in a 'best messages ever' thread, this is too good not to share.

From the British Ambassador in Moscow, to Lord Pembroke at the Foreign Office, dated 6th April 1943. A bad time to be in Moscow.

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Old 25th Sep 2018, 17:52
  #74 (permalink)  
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
 
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Female fighter controller at Boulmer to a Lightning:- “Keep a good lookout, you are entering my dark area"

"I'll be careful"
Kate L***y, IRRC.

From a female Air Trafficker at Wildenrath in the early 70's to an aircraft on approach ( a Hercules IIRC) :

" Overshoot!........I've just had an abortion in the middle of the runway."
I believe it was a certain well endowed ATC Controller in the tower at Coltishall named Gay. The pilot had to overshoot as he laughing to much and do another circuit before landing.
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 17:53
  #75 (permalink)  
 
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Back in Borneo we sometimes we had a sky wave which would have us mixing it with the Americans in Viet Nam.

One day one of us was passing his departure from a clearing when this American voice shouted at him to get off the frequency and didn't he know that there was a war on.

"Yes," our hero said, "but we're winning ours."
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 18:26
  #76 (permalink)  
 
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On breach of the Mohne dam - n*****
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 18:30
  #77 (permalink)  
 
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Ref BZN Storno at Cottesmore on hot summer days we could pick up BZN VASF Section swearing on the storno, I rang their VASF up once to say we could hear them, oh yeah ? prove it, ok someone just said the effing valley hawk is inbound ! oh yeah ok fair point !
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 18:35
  #78 (permalink)  
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HF skip was a funny thing. There was the occasion the Whirlwind crew doing training in Limassol Bay found themselves chatting with the Whirlwind di the same exercise in Hong Kong harbour.
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 18:44
  #79 (permalink)  
 
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I found the code book sheet buried in some drawer that we were supposed to use at Brize for the ground runs but no one ever did and most didn't even know it existed, I cannot remember them, but it went something like this is aircraft 12 on bay c requesting the trade 7 to the aircraft please, at which point you could almost hear the WTF is he talking about?

The Tens were like two numbers on from the last two in the serial.
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Old 25th Sep 2018, 18:49
  #80 (permalink)  
 
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Shame we couldn't have linked them all up, I know the Italians learnt some new words as well, you would call up asking for something for the crew and get a bunch of Italians berating us in Italian for using their taxi frequency, as for the line a 100 yards away, they heard nothing,



..

Last edited by NutLoose; 25th Sep 2018 at 19:00.
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