Orderly Dog
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I did only one Orderly Sgt in 5 years substantive in the rank. Is that a record? I also distinguished myself at the evening defaulters' parade. After sniffily looking them up and down and sending them away, I saw myself in the traditional guardroom big mirror. I could have died- my tie was loosened and askew, and my top button undone. I had had a little lie out on the OS's scratcher in the mess, timing my walk to perfection. But I forgot to smarten up. Sounds lame, but I was mortified at the time. The OC must have noticed... Git!
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RAF Macrahanish, turfs up at the guardroom wearing flying kit to hand in the keys for what was laughingly described as transit accomodation and looking the worse for wear, SWO looks at me and says we don't get many Sgt aircrew up this way, thinks to myself "and you haven't got one now".... But who was I to burst his bubble.
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. This clearly did not leave much to contribute to the local economy not helped by, when we said as much to Bruggen, the bean counters asking the very last person they could have chosen to confirm all was well, a senile C/ T who drove non stop "to save money ", the RAF's, not his, from Bruggen to Karup and who found one meal a day was more than adequate, for him, plus his nights did not involve anything more than Horlicks.
.
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Hey look BMC we got cruise!
You know your lunch is over when.......
Officers Mess Cpl Steward advances on you with a deadly gleam in his eye.'Are you the duty ATC camp orderly officer sir?, Can't deny it. 'Flt Sgt cooks compliments would you please come to the airmens mess asap he has a problem with a cadet' Arrive at mess find 6ft 2" Flt Sgt holding 4,8" cadet by scruff of his neck at said Flt Sgts shoulder height Cadet looks terrified but can't see grin on SNCO's face. 'Problem Flight?' 'Sir I can't stop the little beggars eating one meal they's paid for it' Shakes cadet. 'Some of 'em comes round twice.' Shakes cadet. 'If I'm magnaminous I ignores it'. Shakes cadet. 'However sir there are limits and when they comes round a third time', well that's why you're here'. Drops cadet who stands quaking. 'Alright Dale, for that's the miscreants name, a slight built, undernourished lad from a poor family. Hop it I'll sort this out with the Flt Sgt' .
Outlines cadets home situation to the still grinning 6' 2" Irishman'. 'Right Sir, I'll sort the beggar out just you send him to me every morning from now on'. So they worked him to death and fed him up, he left that camp a stone heavier and unsurprisingly went on to become an RAF cook. I caught up with him some years later at Linton on Ouse just after his kitchen won the Command Catering competition. My lunch? Stone cold.
Outlines cadets home situation to the still grinning 6' 2" Irishman'. 'Right Sir, I'll sort the beggar out just you send him to me every morning from now on'. So they worked him to death and fed him up, he left that camp a stone heavier and unsurprisingly went on to become an RAF cook. I caught up with him some years later at Linton on Ouse just after his kitchen won the Command Catering competition. My lunch? Stone cold.
It was about 55 years ago and I was young and daft. A Saturday night Squadron Do was on the horizon and I invited a nurse that I had recently met to be my partner in joy. Then I discovered that two other young ladies that I had an interest in were also going to attend. I could see that my life would shortly not be worth living. After some considerable thought, I went to see our Adjutant who was a wise old Master Siggie. "Mister Evans" said I "I am in some difficulty and the only solution that I can see is for me to become Orderly Officer on Saturday night". A couple of hours later he sent for me and told me that the matter had been arranged so I was off the hook. What is the punch line? The miserable sod who was rostered to be Orderly Dog that night charged me £20 to do his duty (and £20 was a lot of money in those days)!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
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The reminds me, when £20 was a lot of money impecunious officers could buy duties and certain wealthy ones could avoid such onerous task. Bosses didn't like JOs that were financially independent.
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I think I ran into him after that as a FS, when he attempted to drive non stop [bar driving around in a circle on the ferry ok ok] from Leuchars to Beauvechain [on the very last of the mighty F4's exercises] the only thing that stopped him was [no pun intended] the accelerator cable first melting then solidifying on the sherpa.
Hey look BMC we got cruise!
Hey look BMC we got cruise!
Ttfn
RAF Macrahanish, turfs up at the guardroom wearing flying kit to hand in the keys for what was laughingly described as transit accomodation and looking the worse for wear, SWO looks at me and says we don't get many Sgt aircrew up this way, thinks to myself "and you haven't got one now".... But who was I to burst his bubble.
In the 1980s, at very short notice I was made heli detachment commander for supporting a NATO joint special forces exercise in Denmark. I was told a sub-imprest was ready for collection. Having not been to Denmark before and having just come back from another det in Belize (and being based in Germany), I had no idea about exchange rates. I counted out the money (which seemed to take forever and filled most of my nav bag), signed for it, went back to the squadron and we departed very shortly afterwards. On arrival, I discovered we were living in very basic conditions at a training camp (sleeping in a bunkhouse with no furniture) and there was no secure place on site to lodge the cash because there were no permanent staff. After a few days it suddenly dawned on me how much cash I actually had in my bag...it was more than the value of a small house! I used my nav bag as a pillow for the rest of the week. When I took the money back to base SHQ it took them two hours to re-count the cash - thankfully all was correctly accounted for. It appeared someone at Gutersloh had made a mistake with exchange rates and issued me with ten times the value of the cash I was supposed to have taken.
lsh
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Formerly an RN aerodrome, the layout of RAF Brawdy was such that the only OMQs on base were for the Stn Cdr and other Execs.
So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.
A really nice chap and his generous gesture was much appreciated.
So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.
A really nice chap and his generous gesture was much appreciated.
So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.
Last edited by Avtur; 7th Sep 2018 at 08:12.
Been lurking for years, here's one of my memorable duty dogs:
Ord Cpl / Dep Gd Cdr RAF Scampton mid to late '80s, approx 22:30 I received a phone call from Lincolnshire Police along the lines of "One of your neighbours north of the airfield has reported an empty car in one of the passing places on the single track road outside the fence. We've checked the registration & it doesn't exist! Thought you ought to know."
PIRA activity aginst mainland military installations was at it's height (Ternhill, Wyton) so I wasn't happy. There are 5 of us (6 if you count the Duty RAFP) to defend the unit. so i called out the Ord Sgt / Gd Cdr, who in his turn called out the SDO. Meanwhile we tried contacting the Duty RAFP who was out on his SSA site checks and of course in the STORNO blackspot.
As everyone was assembling in the guardroom, the Duty RAFP arrived back and said "Hang on that registration is familiar" and scooted of to return with his duty book - in the back of which was a list of civilian registration plates applied to HQP&SS military vehicles and there it was. Panic over - sort of, we were subject to a penetration test. He advised we just carry on as normal & when they completed what they do, they would come & make themselves known.
Sure enough an hour or so later a Sqn Ldr Provost Officer came to the guardroom and then got a strop on when I asked to see his F1250 before letting him into guardroom. This was defused by his Flt Sgt showing me his F1250 & warrant card, but he did query the incresed security as it wasn't normally like this. " Been like this since we've been live armed Flt" said I. Big pause, then business carried on.
Later the SDO showed me the flash signal ordering all physical penetration testing to cease immediately. Seems HQP&SS didn't know all Support Command Stations were now protected by Airman with actual guns 'n' bullets!
Incidentaly, witnessing the Stn Execs first ever weapons handling tests with a SLR made me think that Christmas lunchtime was definitely a time not to be anywhere near the main gate.
Ord Cpl / Dep Gd Cdr RAF Scampton mid to late '80s, approx 22:30 I received a phone call from Lincolnshire Police along the lines of "One of your neighbours north of the airfield has reported an empty car in one of the passing places on the single track road outside the fence. We've checked the registration & it doesn't exist! Thought you ought to know."
PIRA activity aginst mainland military installations was at it's height (Ternhill, Wyton) so I wasn't happy. There are 5 of us (6 if you count the Duty RAFP) to defend the unit. so i called out the Ord Sgt / Gd Cdr, who in his turn called out the SDO. Meanwhile we tried contacting the Duty RAFP who was out on his SSA site checks and of course in the STORNO blackspot.
As everyone was assembling in the guardroom, the Duty RAFP arrived back and said "Hang on that registration is familiar" and scooted of to return with his duty book - in the back of which was a list of civilian registration plates applied to HQP&SS military vehicles and there it was. Panic over - sort of, we were subject to a penetration test. He advised we just carry on as normal & when they completed what they do, they would come & make themselves known.
Sure enough an hour or so later a Sqn Ldr Provost Officer came to the guardroom and then got a strop on when I asked to see his F1250 before letting him into guardroom. This was defused by his Flt Sgt showing me his F1250 & warrant card, but he did query the incresed security as it wasn't normally like this. " Been like this since we've been live armed Flt" said I. Big pause, then business carried on.
Later the SDO showed me the flash signal ordering all physical penetration testing to cease immediately. Seems HQP&SS didn't know all Support Command Stations were now protected by Airman with actual guns 'n' bullets!
Incidentaly, witnessing the Stn Execs first ever weapons handling tests with a SLR made me think that Christmas lunchtime was definitely a time not to be anywhere near the main gate.
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Ahh Station Commanders.
Brize LSS used to man the gate 24 hrs a day leading onto the airfield in lieu of doing Station gate guard duties, Anyway a certain J/T on shift was doing his week on the gate and in the early morning rush quite a queue could build up as airfield driving permits were checked, up rolls the Staish and hands over his pass, eagle eyed J/T notice it has expired by several days, it went like this...
"Sorry, you cannot come on the airfield Sir, your airfield permit is expired"
"You do know who I am Airman"
"Yes Sir, you're the Station Commander"
"And you do know who it says authorises the use of these airfield passes on my Station?"
"Yes, you do Sir"
"Then please let me on"
"Sorry, no Sir, If I was to do that you could charge me for failing to carry out my duty, now could you please turn your vehicle around, others are waiting to get on."
At which point the said J/T walks back and starts ushering cars full of grinning faces to reverse up so the Station Commander can reverse up and turn around.
Staish reverses up turns around and bogs off at speed to MT or wherever to get his permit reissued.
Later called into the office and asked did you stop the Staish from entering the airfield, apparently after he had calmed down he had phoned the section to congratulating him for being fair and correct.
Brize LSS used to man the gate 24 hrs a day leading onto the airfield in lieu of doing Station gate guard duties, Anyway a certain J/T on shift was doing his week on the gate and in the early morning rush quite a queue could build up as airfield driving permits were checked, up rolls the Staish and hands over his pass, eagle eyed J/T notice it has expired by several days, it went like this...
"Sorry, you cannot come on the airfield Sir, your airfield permit is expired"
"You do know who I am Airman"
"Yes Sir, you're the Station Commander"
"And you do know who it says authorises the use of these airfield passes on my Station?"
"Yes, you do Sir"
"Then please let me on"
"Sorry, no Sir, If I was to do that you could charge me for failing to carry out my duty, now could you please turn your vehicle around, others are waiting to get on."
At which point the said J/T walks back and starts ushering cars full of grinning faces to reverse up so the Station Commander can reverse up and turn around.
Staish reverses up turns around and bogs off at speed to MT or wherever to get his permit reissued.
Later called into the office and asked did you stop the Staish from entering the airfield, apparently after he had calmed down he had phoned the section to congratulating him for being fair and correct.
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I remember the live armed fiasco in the 80's at Brize, for some reason we were called to bolster the main gate, muskets were issued and then it was rumoured we were going to be live armed, so green cards were requested, ammo duly arrived and was being handed out and then removed again, muskets later on incidently were replaced with pick axe handles to be replaced with muskets again some time later..
Some poor Civi contractor turned up during all this farce and vehicles were thoroughly checked during the heightened alert, an air pistol was found in his boot ( left innocently in there by his lad apparently ) and he ended face down, palms up on a wet road in the rain, shivering with cold or fright and with a musket pointed to his head, while the Civi plods were called.. I hate to think what he said to his kid when he finally got home.
Some poor Civi contractor turned up during all this farce and vehicles were thoroughly checked during the heightened alert, an air pistol was found in his boot ( left innocently in there by his lad apparently ) and he ended face down, palms up on a wet road in the rain, shivering with cold or fright and with a musket pointed to his head, while the Civi plods were called.. I hate to think what he said to his kid when he finally got home.
Not quite Orderly dog, but manning the gate at scampton early evening, vehicle pulls up.
"Can I see your ID please?"
"Don't you recognise me Cpl?"
"No Sir, that's why I wish to see your ID."
"Is there a Stn Execs board in your guard post?" Alarm bells in head and cogs whirring now.
"Yes Sir."
" Well I suggest you familiarise yourself with it!" As he hands his F1250 over.
Fortunately I do read SRO and recognised the name, so I replied "The board still has your predecessor on it. You're the new OC Admin Wg. Have a good night Sir."
Didn't get an apology, but there was a new photo on the board when I started shift the following evening. He'd only been in post a week.
"Can I see your ID please?"
"Don't you recognise me Cpl?"
"No Sir, that's why I wish to see your ID."
"Is there a Stn Execs board in your guard post?" Alarm bells in head and cogs whirring now.
"Yes Sir."
" Well I suggest you familiarise yourself with it!" As he hands his F1250 over.
Fortunately I do read SRO and recognised the name, so I replied "The board still has your predecessor on it. You're the new OC Admin Wg. Have a good night Sir."
Didn't get an apology, but there was a new photo on the board when I started shift the following evening. He'd only been in post a week.
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Ord/Cpl at a large base in South Wales, you know the one, it had two of everything... picked for duty on the training side, part of O/C duties involved security container aka safe checks, cos RAFP were too busy fending off the viet taff or something. O/S has gone to close up the mess, gets a phone call, "better go start your rounds, I've been held up by mess admin". So taking obligatory walkie-talkie, map of the secret safe locations and a few bunches of keys toddle off.
Crossing the parade square car park notice a Renault 5 getting a suspension work out, quick shout "O/Cpl! What's going on here" , window of said Renault 5 opens to reveal the O/S having it large with the camp bike... think my comment was something like "nice admin"
Ttfn
Crossing the parade square car park notice a Renault 5 getting a suspension work out, quick shout "O/Cpl! What's going on here" , window of said Renault 5 opens to reveal the O/S having it large with the camp bike... think my comment was something like "nice admin"
Ttfn
A long time ago, at a large transport base somewhere in Wiltshire, I was catching up on a backlog of station duties that I had fallen behind with due to my fulfilling various downroute commitments. These backlog duties included a couple of Orderly Sergeant slots, one a weekday and one a weekend, a spot of gate guardianship, plus another weekday Ord/Sgt that I was detailed for, at short notice, due to one of my colleagues becoming a temporary 'fixture' somewhere in the Caribbean.
After completing a couple of these duties I noticed that the SDO whose name appeared on the duty board was the same person as that on my previous duty. I was absolutely amazed to find this 'coincidence' reoccurred on my next duty, some two weeks later.
After dismissing the duties and defaulters from the 6 o'clock call, I struck up a conversation with the Orderly Officer who I knew from a previous posting. On mentioning the 'coincidences' regarding the SDO's name, the OO cracked a smile and told me, in confidence (of course!), that the SDO had transgressed the boundaries of behaviour expected of an 'Officer and Gentleman' at a Mess function. Apparently, his behaviour following an OM Summer Ball involved him making an entrance in a public area on a bicycle, totally 'sans kit', and with a monocle dangling from his manhood. Normally, this event may have passed with some jocularity, or perhaps ribald derision from his, by now, unthirsty fellow officers: however, there just happened to be some ladies present, including the wife of a senior officer. The aftermath was that the name of the naked cyclist (sorry, SDO!) remained on the duty board for one month. There may be those Ppruners who remember the occasion (in the 70s) and could give any further insight.
After completing a couple of these duties I noticed that the SDO whose name appeared on the duty board was the same person as that on my previous duty. I was absolutely amazed to find this 'coincidence' reoccurred on my next duty, some two weeks later.
After dismissing the duties and defaulters from the 6 o'clock call, I struck up a conversation with the Orderly Officer who I knew from a previous posting. On mentioning the 'coincidences' regarding the SDO's name, the OO cracked a smile and told me, in confidence (of course!), that the SDO had transgressed the boundaries of behaviour expected of an 'Officer and Gentleman' at a Mess function. Apparently, his behaviour following an OM Summer Ball involved him making an entrance in a public area on a bicycle, totally 'sans kit', and with a monocle dangling from his manhood. Normally, this event may have passed with some jocularity, or perhaps ribald derision from his, by now, unthirsty fellow officers: however, there just happened to be some ladies present, including the wife of a senior officer. The aftermath was that the name of the naked cyclist (sorry, SDO!) remained on the duty board for one month. There may be those Ppruners who remember the occasion (in the 70s) and could give any further insight.
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AS guards have been mentioned, late 70's at Odiham and the station finally starts to move into the 20th century, the old gate barrier with the concrete block on it as a counterbalance is replaced by a new raised heated building and electric barriers...
Enter the Station Commander in his new staff Mini, said Staish flag flying drives up to the gate and the guard opens it and salutes him, Staish being low down in a mini and the new box being raised up does not see this, so decides to reverse up to ask why he wasn't saluted, unfortunately by this time the barrier is on its way back down, design oversight means it does not have a stop button, nor does the guard have a line of sight on the Mini and as these things play out, the barrier comes crashing down on the new Mini pinning it in place and damaging the roof....
Staish now on the way to a coronary gets out and starts to berate the guard, enters the SWO who watching this all happen from the pavement as he is coming out to see the guard and confirms he did salute and that the Staish is all at fault.. car dragged out from under barrier causing more damage as it needs to complete the cycle before it can go back up, days later barrier hastily modified to allow it to be stopped mid travel and the direction reversed.
..
Enter the Station Commander in his new staff Mini, said Staish flag flying drives up to the gate and the guard opens it and salutes him, Staish being low down in a mini and the new box being raised up does not see this, so decides to reverse up to ask why he wasn't saluted, unfortunately by this time the barrier is on its way back down, design oversight means it does not have a stop button, nor does the guard have a line of sight on the Mini and as these things play out, the barrier comes crashing down on the new Mini pinning it in place and damaging the roof....
Staish now on the way to a coronary gets out and starts to berate the guard, enters the SWO who watching this all happen from the pavement as he is coming out to see the guard and confirms he did salute and that the Staish is all at fault.. car dragged out from under barrier causing more damage as it needs to complete the cycle before it can go back up, days later barrier hastily modified to allow it to be stopped mid travel and the direction reversed.
..
Last edited by NutLoose; 18th Sep 2018 at 15:09.