Orderly Dog
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Back in the early 80's, yours truly was Orderly Corporal at RAF Linton on Ouse. The fact that I was permanant staff at RAF Topcliffe held no water, so we were Joe'd to help out the LOO JNCO's spread the load.
Saturday night, Trafalgar Night. The LoO Officers Mess was handed over to our Dark Blue brethren to celebrate some unpleasantness somewhere off Spain or whereever.
The junior course attending RNEFTS at RAF Topcliffe had, that weekend, been despatched to do 'Adventure Training' for the weekend. This consisted of loading 10 RNEFTS students into a minibus and sending them to Scotland.
At 0 early o'clock, I received a telephone call, in the Guardroom, from a hospital in Scotland, telling me that the RNEFTS student minibus had had an altercation with a ditch, and that the minibus had come off worse resulting in a number of walking wounded (minor cuts and bruises) but one casualty that the Docs were concerned about. This RNEFTS student was mentioning abdominal pain that seemed to be getting worse.
The Docs at the hospital were requesting permission to do an exploratary op to ensure the studes kebabs were where they should be and OK.
Now, trying to find a SDO or RNEFTS Topcliffe Naval Officer who (at 0130 on a Sunday morning) wasn't 'tired and emotional' was even beyond the magic powers of Corporal's, so, yours truly, gave consent for the exploratory op. (Possibly illegal, but humanitarian................)
Outcome was, the RNEFTS stude with gut ache survived the op, with his innards declared Fully Serviceable, but had / has to endure an operation scar across his (no doubt) nubile body for the past 35 years courtesy of the LoO Orderly Cpl.
For that, if you are a PPruner and recognise yourself, I humbly apologise for the pain you suffered. I also thank God for the anonymity of these Forums.
Saturday night, Trafalgar Night. The LoO Officers Mess was handed over to our Dark Blue brethren to celebrate some unpleasantness somewhere off Spain or whereever.
The junior course attending RNEFTS at RAF Topcliffe had, that weekend, been despatched to do 'Adventure Training' for the weekend. This consisted of loading 10 RNEFTS students into a minibus and sending them to Scotland.
At 0 early o'clock, I received a telephone call, in the Guardroom, from a hospital in Scotland, telling me that the RNEFTS student minibus had had an altercation with a ditch, and that the minibus had come off worse resulting in a number of walking wounded (minor cuts and bruises) but one casualty that the Docs were concerned about. This RNEFTS student was mentioning abdominal pain that seemed to be getting worse.
The Docs at the hospital were requesting permission to do an exploratary op to ensure the studes kebabs were where they should be and OK.
Now, trying to find a SDO or RNEFTS Topcliffe Naval Officer who (at 0130 on a Sunday morning) wasn't 'tired and emotional' was even beyond the magic powers of Corporal's, so, yours truly, gave consent for the exploratory op. (Possibly illegal, but humanitarian................)
Outcome was, the RNEFTS stude with gut ache survived the op, with his innards declared Fully Serviceable, but had / has to endure an operation scar across his (no doubt) nubile body for the past 35 years courtesy of the LoO Orderly Cpl.
For that, if you are a PPruner and recognise yourself, I humbly apologise for the pain you suffered. I also thank God for the anonymity of these Forums.
Last edited by taxydual; 3rd Sep 2018 at 23:09. Reason: Speilling (and a surfeit of Red Wine) and an exceptional dinner.
Chap at RAF Halton on OCpl for week, his offence, he had a class of all female trainees, a rarity and had them doing sit ups etc, he had them on their backs and legs raised with hands behind their heads doing tummy tucks when he walked down the line pointing and going haircut.... haircut... etc,
Jack
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
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What an appalling admission of idleness! I was always taught that you should imagine how you would pass scrutiny if the defaulter was inspecting you! So, well-pressed No 1 HD, polished OP shoes and your best SD cap were de rigueur - and you arrived at the Guardroom at exactly the appointed hour to the second!
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
OO? Luxury!!
The duty I hated getting fingered for was doing the pay parade.
Report to Accounts and count and sign for a large briefcase full of nites and coins plus pay sheets (and count it carefully - twice - I was once given £10 short when that was a lot of money). Then spend the next 24-48 hours walking all of the unit to all the section durin all their various shifts to give them their weekly due, walking alone in the dark down unlit roads and alleyways with more cash than I earned in a year. Persuading the SDO to keep it in the safe overnight. And at the end, if you found you’d miscounted paying out (nobody ever complained about being given too much) finding the balance out if your pocket.
The duty I hated getting fingered for was doing the pay parade.
Report to Accounts and count and sign for a large briefcase full of nites and coins plus pay sheets (and count it carefully - twice - I was once given £10 short when that was a lot of money). Then spend the next 24-48 hours walking all of the unit to all the section durin all their various shifts to give them their weekly due, walking alone in the dark down unlit roads and alleyways with more cash than I earned in a year. Persuading the SDO to keep it in the safe overnight. And at the end, if you found you’d miscounted paying out (nobody ever complained about being given too much) finding the balance out if your pocket.
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ORAC ... OMG, Pay Parade! One of the nauseas of being OO at Tengah on Pay Day for the hundreds of Locally Employed Personnel. As with your dit, Accounts issue vast sums of Singapore dollars and cents, worked out somehow to the last coin. Fortunately the pay was done indoors, in an office, and the LEPs came to us. But ... the prospects of getting the denominations correct [as envisaged by Accounts] every time was minimal, so although you might get the payments correct, the last 2 guys would each want [say] $12.50 and all you had left was a $20 and a $5! 
One always did Pay Parade with a personal stash of small change and small notes to allow final adjustments to be made!
One always did Pay Parade with a personal stash of small change and small notes to allow final adjustments to be made!
Avoid imitations
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Report to Accounts and count and sign for a large briefcase full of nites and coins plus pay sheets (and count it carefully - twice - I was once given £10 short when that was a lot of money).
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When in Deci one of the guys went over to the mainland on a couple of weekend days off to see a girl he had been writing too, he changed a wad of cash on the station and set off, arriving he was horrified to find Deci had issued notes that had been withdrawn from the mainland, but we're still in use on Sardinia and no one would touch them. When in Rome as they say, so he contacted the Embassy who called out the Air Attaché, he ave him personal monies to tide him over until he got back to Deci who took the funny monies back and sent funds to the Air Attaché to reimburse him.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
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I was OO at Finningley, a proper parade. I had a shade over £1,000, about a year's pay for an aircrew PO. The airmen were drawn up outside and the FS called each forward in turn. I short changed one airmen £10. He had to wait until all were paid and I had £10 left over.
Thankfully bank accounts were then introduced
Thankfully bank accounts were then introduced
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We had our troubles in earlier years, too. From my memoirs:
Thankfully bank accounts were then introduced
"The solution which McInnis had worked out was this. I got my chaps to sign a duplicate blank Acquittance Roll (they must have had sublime faith in me), and flew down to Cochin with both copies. There the accounts clerks entered each man's pay on the Rolls beside his signature, and worked out the coinage. The Accountant Officer handed over the cash, keeping one signed Roll, so he was in the clear whatever happened.
I flew back with a bag of several thousand rupees and the other Roll, held a Pay Parade (our only Parades) and dished out the money. What would happen if I crashed on the way back ? How would they sort that out ? Luckily, it never happened and the airmen always got their pay !"
I flew back with a bag of several thousand rupees and the other Roll, held a Pay Parade (our only Parades) and dished out the money. What would happen if I crashed on the way back ? How would they sort that out ? Luckily, it never happened and the airmen always got their pay !"
In 1993, we were taking part in EX BOLD GAUNTLET at Guetersloh. A multi-national borex involving a display of commitment escorting transport aircraft along an imaginary corridor.
As usual, our F-4 detachment was being stitched up by the penny-pinching scribblies. However, my time on Vulcans and knowledge of entitlements meant that, after a few curt words with the local acker-basher, I was able to go down to the flight line to give the FS i/c the good news that I'd secured some allowances for him and his lads and would be able to give them the cash whenever he wanted.
At this his eyes became moist with distant memories. "Sir", he said, "That means we can hold a pay parade! Haven't seen one of those since the days when I was in (some obscure corner of empire). All the lads formed up and marched forward one by one for their pay. It'll be just like old times!"
I assured him that we didn't really need to be quite so spit and polish - just a nominal roll would do and I'd tick them off one by one as I paid them. That rather spoiled his day, but the lads were very glad to get their detachment beer vouchers. Of course no-one ever thanked me....
BOLD GAUNTLET had its moments though. At one party, a schoolie decided that she fancied a French Mirage pilot with whom we were chatting, so went up to him in the bar, threw her arms around his waist and gave him an obviously lustful look. So he put down his cigarette and beer, excused himself, went down to the Kellerbar and DCO'd, then returned to his conversation having relit his cigarette and picked up his beer as though nothing unusual had happened. Quelle sang-froid!
As usual, our F-4 detachment was being stitched up by the penny-pinching scribblies. However, my time on Vulcans and knowledge of entitlements meant that, after a few curt words with the local acker-basher, I was able to go down to the flight line to give the FS i/c the good news that I'd secured some allowances for him and his lads and would be able to give them the cash whenever he wanted.
At this his eyes became moist with distant memories. "Sir", he said, "That means we can hold a pay parade! Haven't seen one of those since the days when I was in (some obscure corner of empire). All the lads formed up and marched forward one by one for their pay. It'll be just like old times!"
I assured him that we didn't really need to be quite so spit and polish - just a nominal roll would do and I'd tick them off one by one as I paid them. That rather spoiled his day, but the lads were very glad to get their detachment beer vouchers. Of course no-one ever thanked me....
BOLD GAUNTLET had its moments though. At one party, a schoolie decided that she fancied a French Mirage pilot with whom we were chatting, so went up to him in the bar, threw her arms around his waist and gave him an obviously lustful look. So he put down his cigarette and beer, excused himself, went down to the Kellerbar and DCO'd, then returned to his conversation having relit his cigarette and picked up his beer as though nothing unusual had happened. Quelle sang-froid!
Beags,
’DCO’d’ ?
Can you still use such a term in these times?
I might have to ask Pprune to refer you for ‘diversity training’ or whatever course has been established recently !
...and he smoked in the Mess ! - that dates us.
.
’DCO’d’ ?
Can you still use such a term in these times?
I might have to ask Pprune to refer you for ‘diversity training’ or whatever course has been established recently !
...and he smoked in the Mess ! - that dates us.
.
I was taking a Puma,XW209 to the factory in Marseille to have the poly intakes fitted. It was suggested that one of the HQ staff might come with us for the experience. Eventually a brand new Pilot Officer in Accounts was chosen. As he was an accountant then logically he should hold the imprest and this was approved by OC Admin who would personally brief him. We couldn't crack the south of France in one go so we night stopped in Nantes. We gathered in his room to collect out allowances and when he opened his briefcase it was packed with blank French taxi receipts.
Once upon a time the Corgi Carriers had some trip to Russia. One of their number managed to find some Russian till receipts on the floor of wherever they'd been, then tried to submit them to back up the rather large FSI claim he'd made.
A few days alter TQF received a polite request from the acker basher querying the size of the claim and inviting that it should be resubmitted. To make the point, the request was written both in English and Russian....
A few days alter TQF received a polite request from the acker basher querying the size of the claim and inviting that it should be resubmitted. To make the point, the request was written both in English and Russian....
Thought police antagonist
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In the 1980s, at very short notice I was made heli detachment commander for supporting a NATO joint special forces exercise in Denmark. I was told a sub-imprest was ready for collection. Having not been to Denmark before and having just come back from another det in Belize (and being based in Germany), I had no idea about exchange rates. I counted out the money (which seemed to take forever and filled most of my nav bag), signed for it, went back to the squadron and we departed very shortly afterwards. On arrival, I discovered we were living in very basic conditions at a training camp (sleeping in a bunkhouse with no furniture) and there was no secure place on site to lodge the cash because there were no permanent staff. After a few days it suddenly dawned on me how much cash I actually had in my bag...it was more than the value of a small house! I used my nav bag as a pillow for the rest of the week. When I took the money back to base SHQ it took them two hours to re-count the cash - thankfully all was correctly accounted for. It appeared someone at Gutersloh had made a mistake with exchange rates and issued me with ten times the value of the cash I was supposed to have taken.
Denmark was our "jewel in the crown " location, made a change from the usual RAFG locations after all, and XV kindly provided the opportunity when two of their Buccs had a brief but passionate meeting mid air when operating from Karup. The trip was "memorable " from the onset, however, it was the not so little matter of LOA that came to prominence .We were pleasantly surprised to learn we had to pay for our food and that the cheapest meal cost Dkr 9 which was the total daily sum of the LOA. This clearly did not leave much to contribute to the local economy not helped by, when we said as much to Bruggen, the bean counters asking the very last person they could have chosen to confirm all was well, a senile C/ T who drove non stop "to save money ", the RAF's, not his, from Bruggen to Karup and who found one meal a day was more than adequate, for him, plus his nights did not involve anything more than Horlicks.
Our boss, being one of the very few Engo's who actually knew about both engineering and management decided to investigate himself. He diligently followed our advice, to comply with driving regs, obviously, to night stop in Hamburg and then carried out a detailed investigation on arrival at Karup over the course of about 5 days. The result, on his return, was an almost overnight increase across the RAF as a whole to an LOA of Dkr27....how he managed this we never found out but he did have some useful contacts it seems.
Back to the tedium of the topic and it wasn't my fault I was soaring over Bruggen one Saturday when on O/Cpl when it was lunch time and one of the delights was to sell meal tickets at the Mess. Some people got a bit upset about this so called dereliction but, as I pointed out, had it been that imperative they could have contacted me on the infamous "Storno " we were expected to cart around, and which I duly had with me. Unfortunately, "Storno's" could be temperamental as we know and the "on / off switch was notable in this respect. Thankfully, the glider radios were less so and the broadcast to report "immediately !!" was heard by somebody returning to the launch point.
For various reasons I had a "chit" in 1975 to grow my hair and moustache long preparatory for an upcoming detachment from Coningsby to Aldergrove.
As a going away present, naturally I was made O.O. on my last night before departure.
Looking like a part-time bus conductor I turned up to inspect the defaulters' parade. On questioning the first lad as to why he was in attendance I got the predictable answer......
" Having long hair, Sir"
Of course.
As a going away present, naturally I was made O.O. on my last night before departure.
Looking like a part-time bus conductor I turned up to inspect the defaulters' parade. On questioning the first lad as to why he was in attendance I got the predictable answer......
" Having long hair, Sir"
Of course.
Last edited by Haraka; 5th Sep 2018 at 07:44.
I did only one Orderly Sgt in 5 years substantive in the rank. Is that a record? I also distinguished myself at the evening defaulters' parade. After sniffily looking them up and down and sending them away, I saw myself in the traditional guardroom big mirror. I could have died- my tie was loosened and askew, and my top button undone. I had had a little lie out on the OS's scratcher in the mess, timing my walk to perfection. But I forgot to smarten up. Sounds lame, but I was mortified at the time. The OC must have noticed... Git!
CG
CG
Hmm, pay parades. Watton, mid 60s, and 360 was 25% RN, aircrew and ground crew. Pile of money on the desk, long queue, and the money pile always seemed to go down more quickly than the queue. usually worked out OK in the end. Navy you stacked the cash in their upturned cap. I remember being astonished at putting in excess of £100 in one guy's cap, when £100 was worth.....
Early in second career at Binbrook as OC Accts, OC Admin, the lovely Mike west, on first working day of the New Year came into the office shaking a signal. Apparently, at the back end of the previous year a number of Lightnings had ended up in Norway, ferrying engineers and bits for a broken jet. None of the guys had any civvies and the Embassy had advanced a fairly large sum of money for then to but shirts, slacks and shoes. The Embassy wanted their money back. Rang the impromptu imprest holder, then a young fg off, later gp capt, and enquired gently where the change and receipts might be. "No problem" he said, "in my bureau at home , I'll bring them in tomorrow". apparently a phone call from my boss to his hastened his arrival, with cash, in my office. I even persuaded the stn cdr to write off the clothing bought so they did not have to give that back as well. Hey ho. Happy days
Early in second career at Binbrook as OC Accts, OC Admin, the lovely Mike west, on first working day of the New Year came into the office shaking a signal. Apparently, at the back end of the previous year a number of Lightnings had ended up in Norway, ferrying engineers and bits for a broken jet. None of the guys had any civvies and the Embassy had advanced a fairly large sum of money for then to but shirts, slacks and shoes. The Embassy wanted their money back. Rang the impromptu imprest holder, then a young fg off, later gp capt, and enquired gently where the change and receipts might be. "No problem" he said, "in my bureau at home , I'll bring them in tomorrow". apparently a phone call from my boss to his hastened his arrival, with cash, in my office. I even persuaded the stn cdr to write off the clothing bought so they did not have to give that back as well. Hey ho. Happy days
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The job of virtual SWO was taken by several Sgt's, Flt Sgt's and W.O.'s as a more senior person was posted in.
Each guy in the job seemed to draw up a new Ord/Cpl and Ord/Sgt list in alphabetical order.
My surname begins with 'A'
I was only there for 12 months, but I think I did more Ord/Cpls at Coningsby than the rest of my service.