Memories of RAFG
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A case of "Where's the soap?"
"Yes, it does"
"Yes, it does"
Avoid imitations
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Place: North German Plain.
Time: Cold War, early 1980s.
Scenario: Field exercise, Berlin Regiment.
On the final day, impending "coup de gras".
Mad Major, running exercise, stated that he wants to be on the bridge to observe proceedings (all Army coups de grace seemed to involve a bridge). Unfortunately, he also wanted to be in the valley to the south to see the troops set off so he needed rapid transportation.
He announced to me (a fairly junior squadron helicopter pilot) that he wished to be transported sitting in his Land Rover, as an under slung load! He said that he would wear his seat belt, goggles and will be able to help us find the bridge by pointing the way!
While my senior officer (the late George Blackie) creased up, I pointed out three things:
Firstly, we already knew how to get to the bridge.
Secondly, Land Rovers, when carried as underslung loads, tend to spin round and round, so pointing would be totally meaningless and in any case, the pilot cannot see the underslung load from the cockpit.
Neither of those two things seemed to faze him.
Thirdly, I told him that in the case of an engine failure, the first thing I would do was to press the load release button....
He then said, sincerely, "In that case, maybe I'd better drive...."
He drove.
Time: Cold War, early 1980s.
Scenario: Field exercise, Berlin Regiment.
On the final day, impending "coup de gras".
Mad Major, running exercise, stated that he wants to be on the bridge to observe proceedings (all Army coups de grace seemed to involve a bridge). Unfortunately, he also wanted to be in the valley to the south to see the troops set off so he needed rapid transportation.
He announced to me (a fairly junior squadron helicopter pilot) that he wished to be transported sitting in his Land Rover, as an under slung load! He said that he would wear his seat belt, goggles and will be able to help us find the bridge by pointing the way!
While my senior officer (the late George Blackie) creased up, I pointed out three things:
Firstly, we already knew how to get to the bridge.
Secondly, Land Rovers, when carried as underslung loads, tend to spin round and round, so pointing would be totally meaningless and in any case, the pilot cannot see the underslung load from the cockpit.
Neither of those two things seemed to faze him.
Thirdly, I told him that in the case of an engine failure, the first thing I would do was to press the load release button....
He then said, sincerely, "In that case, maybe I'd better drive...."
He drove.
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Then there was the dreaded mehrwertsteuer, the German equivalent of VAT. For airmen, this was administered by the PSI, who nominally made/ legalised the tax-free purchase, and debited the airman. Known as a "murgatroyd" by those who found the language challenging.
Officers worked through the Mess, and paid [or defaulted] on their mess bills.
Lets see: Schrank, set of chairs, corner seating unit, top of the range camera and full set of lenses, ornate lamps, clothing. Drink, kassler, cheeses ......
The lawnmower and the Weber [both still going strong] were via the PX, the peanut butter from the Maple Leaf.
Army garrison towns such as Detmold were very very anti accepting such tax-free business until it was explained that "this is by an RAF mess". My wife still has the loden overcoats.
Officers worked through the Mess, and paid [or defaulted] on their mess bills.
Lets see: Schrank, set of chairs, corner seating unit, top of the range camera and full set of lenses, ornate lamps, clothing. Drink, kassler, cheeses ......
The lawnmower and the Weber [both still going strong] were via the PX, the peanut butter from the Maple Leaf.
Army garrison towns such as Detmold were very very anti accepting such tax-free business until it was explained that "this is by an RAF mess". My wife still has the loden overcoats.
Schrank, dining set, bedroom sets, cameras, computers, caravans (both in Germany and Holland), a car, numerous capital car repairs. All of it directly through the retailer with a tax-free chit.
The trick with the US bases was getting in the commissary. You could buy lawnmowers and barbies all day long at Spang or Bitburg, but getting steaks from the Commissary required a pass. You might get lucky trying your luck on the day, but the best bet was to visit a mate posted to a US base with a pass. These were generally not Spangdahlem or Bitburg, but they all had commissaries
Midge Drone - vertical take-off
More BAOR than RAFG but still aviation related ...
Perhaps Crromwellman can give us the full story of the time when a drone (a proper drone) left the launch-rail and went straight up. The assembled crew looked on in amazement, until one of them realised that what goes straight up - also comes straight down!
Perhaps Crromwellman can give us the full story of the time when a drone (a proper drone) left the launch-rail and went straight up. The assembled crew looked on in amazement, until one of them realised that what goes straight up - also comes straight down!
Last edited by HAS59; 14th Nov 2017 at 04:51. Reason: spelling
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Late 70's and 17 decide to have a weeks jolly to Memmingen, 2x Jags and six troops who are also to be cross trained on the F-104.
Enter the ever resourceful ( he of the " if we run a Jag outside the HAS in -20C the efflux will melt all the snow and ice ", which it did, before freezing solid, along the Jag, again fame ) J Engo who decides the troops can travel in the Commer van, used for generally carrying bodies and bits and which the programme "Scrapheap challenge " was possibly based on.
Just outside Cologne, on comes the pretty orange light, for the first time. ADAC comes to our rescue and, unknown to us, do some pre-planning. It's about 550km to Memmingen.....every 100 km, roughly, there was an ADAC patrol...... waiting.
Arrive, eventually, at destination and go to MT. The Germans, ever diplomatic, once they had stopped laughing having seen this relic, say we can't repair it. At which point, we produce the international currency, contained in a bottle with a red label, and explain that's fine, all we want is the paperwork to say it should be scrapped.
The Germans, now very happy, duly oblige with chapter and verse as to why the heap is a death trap. However, we still have to return and, to add to the fun, they are having a "Minival".....had this been the RAF, as we know, the admin world would have said " we're closed, there's a war on ! " and that would have been that.
Thankfully, the Germans were considerably more realistic and thus we were booked, tickets provided c/o the Luftwaffe, on the Munich-Amsterdam express from Ulm to Cologne. Very scenic, very hospitable and free !.
It was only once the heap had been returned to Bruggen, on a low loader, that the allegations of our clearly lamentable driving skills suddenly ceased.
Enter the ever resourceful ( he of the " if we run a Jag outside the HAS in -20C the efflux will melt all the snow and ice ", which it did, before freezing solid, along the Jag, again fame ) J Engo who decides the troops can travel in the Commer van, used for generally carrying bodies and bits and which the programme "Scrapheap challenge " was possibly based on.
Just outside Cologne, on comes the pretty orange light, for the first time. ADAC comes to our rescue and, unknown to us, do some pre-planning. It's about 550km to Memmingen.....every 100 km, roughly, there was an ADAC patrol...... waiting.
Arrive, eventually, at destination and go to MT. The Germans, ever diplomatic, once they had stopped laughing having seen this relic, say we can't repair it. At which point, we produce the international currency, contained in a bottle with a red label, and explain that's fine, all we want is the paperwork to say it should be scrapped.
The Germans, now very happy, duly oblige with chapter and verse as to why the heap is a death trap. However, we still have to return and, to add to the fun, they are having a "Minival".....had this been the RAF, as we know, the admin world would have said " we're closed, there's a war on ! " and that would have been that.
Thankfully, the Germans were considerably more realistic and thus we were booked, tickets provided c/o the Luftwaffe, on the Munich-Amsterdam express from Ulm to Cologne. Very scenic, very hospitable and free !.
It was only once the heap had been returned to Bruggen, on a low loader, that the allegations of our clearly lamentable driving skills suddenly ceased.
One obtained a tax exemption form for the intended purchase(s) from the Unit Admin Office, and then presented it to the retailer. They then sold you the goods ohne MwSt. Not through a Mess or the PRI. You paid the retailer. Sounds like it was different for the RAF, but the Army did it rather more straightforwardly.
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More BAOR than RAFG but still aviation related ...
Perhaps Crromwellman can give us the full story of the time when a drone (a proper drone) left the launch-rail and went straight up. The assembled crew looked on in amazement, until one of them realised that what goes straight up - also comes straight down!
Perhaps Crromwellman can give us the full story of the time when a drone (a proper drone) left the launch-rail and went straight up. The assembled crew looked on in amazement, until one of them realised that what goes straight up - also comes straight down!
Short explanation. The AN/USD-501 Midge drone was a Divisional Commander's personal photographic reconnaissance asset. It was a true drone in that its flight path was pre-programmed and once launched it followed that path. There was no way of intervening from the ground, unlike what the media call "drones." Hence the recognition features of drone personnel were crossed fingers and pleading looks skyward.
On the day in question a Drone Troop was live firing on the Hohne Ranges where the Germans had cleared them for live flying. Needless to say everything was checked, re-checked and checked again by the Artillery's Instructors in Gunnery and sundry others so nothing would go wrong.
The drone was launched from a zero-length rail and was boosted by a rocket motor until the turbojet could take over to sustain flight. Countdown was complete and the button was pressed. The turbojet spooled up and the booster fired. Instead of the normal climb to height, this drone leaped off the launcher and imitated a Harrier on steroids by rising vertically. As it reached the end of the boost phase the booster dropped away and toppled the drone past the vertical and it decided to head for home (the launcher). As the launch crew realised its destination there was a demonstration of that well known military manoeuvre - the abandonment in disorder. The drone crashed about 30 metres in front of the launcher, exploded and burst into flames. The largest surviving pieces were the camera pack and the turbojet engine, although several pieces of metal inscribed with "Heat Aged" were recovered'
The cause was never found but the theory was that the booster had not been fitted correctly and was slightly loose so when it fired it made the drone climb more rapidly. When to booster dropped away, it gave the airframe a kick that took it over the vertical and toppled the gyros.
Another occasion when all the good work is wiped out by one "oh s**t!
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The trick with the US bases was getting in the commissary. You could buy lawnmowers and barbies all day long at Spang or Bitburg, but getting steaks from the Commissary required a pass. You might get lucky trying your luck on the day, but the best bet was to visit a mate posted to a US base with a pass. These were generally not Spangdahlem or Bitburg, but they all had commissaries
The army system as described, if it was indeed so, could make fraud astonishingly simple ............ the magic chit as described could pass into non-entitled hands "just like that".
As Mr Meldrew said "I do not believe it!".
Did anyone understand the X/Y factor regarding fuel and light? I was told that, as a civilian, I need not worry my overburdened brain cell, but my neighbours appeared exceeding vexed on occasion.
In the early days at Gutersloh we had mediaeval coke boilers in the cellar, prone to goining out in mid-winter when I was on the night bind at work.
Every now and then a delivery was tipped down the chute, the old boy doing the business using a system of balls on a rail to count the sacks.
After a too-successful mess do in black tie, I was locked out in the small hours and used the coke chute to get into the house. The theory was that on black gear the coke dust would not show. The black shirt gave the game away. That incident needed a lot of grovelling when we got back to communicating.
In the early days at Gutersloh we had mediaeval coke boilers in the cellar, prone to goining out in mid-winter when I was on the night bind at work.
Every now and then a delivery was tipped down the chute, the old boy doing the business using a system of balls on a rail to count the sacks.
After a too-successful mess do in black tie, I was locked out in the small hours and used the coke chute to get into the house. The theory was that on black gear the coke dust would not show. The black shirt gave the game away. That incident needed a lot of grovelling when we got back to communicating.
The multi-national EX BOLD GAUNTLET ("Don't mention the word 'corridor' chaps!") was held at Gutersloh one year. Spams who took everything very seriously were there with their F-15s evolving clever tactics, we were there with our F-4s and a C-130 and the French were there with their Mirage III and a C-160 - to have a good time.
One evening we were having a few wets in the OM bar talking to the FAF pilotes de chasse. All of a sudden some wanton PMRAFNS trollop came over and put her arms around the waist of one FAF mate. With admirable sangfroid, he carefully put down his beer and cigarette, then led her off to the Keller Bar to satisfy her rather obvious needs.
About 10 min later he reappeared, relit his cigarette, took a swig from his beer, then shrugged his shoulders and said "Eh bien - pas mal!" before resuming his previous conversation as if nothing had happened...
The Spams invited the FAF colonel to go for a trip in an F-15 T-bird, which he gladly accepted. At pre-flight he was being fitted with American flight kit, but when he was sized for a g-suit, he pompously announced "I am a fighter pilot - I do not need a G-suit". Whereupon the US det cdr sought out the meanest, most raw meat-eating rip **** of his pilots and asked him to take Le Colonel for his trip, explaining with a wink that "He says he doesn't need a G-suit - perhaps he might be mistaken?". A few minutes later, the F-15 was seen to take off in full A/B, accelerate to warp lots then snapping into a max rate climbing spiral to flight level nosebleed, before rolling over to spiral back down in a max rate descending spiral to initials.... "How did he like his trip", asked the det cdr - to be told that Le Colonel had been slumped in a heap in his seat from the start of the climb until back at initials. Later he said that it had been "Very interesting" and was then presented with his Eagle flight certificate - but not until he'd been given the traditional raw egg to eat, shell and all 
!!
One evening we were having a few wets in the OM bar talking to the FAF pilotes de chasse. All of a sudden some wanton PMRAFNS trollop came over and put her arms around the waist of one FAF mate. With admirable sangfroid, he carefully put down his beer and cigarette, then led her off to the Keller Bar to satisfy her rather obvious needs.
About 10 min later he reappeared, relit his cigarette, took a swig from his beer, then shrugged his shoulders and said "Eh bien - pas mal!" before resuming his previous conversation as if nothing had happened...
The Spams invited the FAF colonel to go for a trip in an F-15 T-bird, which he gladly accepted. At pre-flight he was being fitted with American flight kit, but when he was sized for a g-suit, he pompously announced "I am a fighter pilot - I do not need a G-suit". Whereupon the US det cdr sought out the meanest, most raw meat-eating rip **** of his pilots and asked him to take Le Colonel for his trip, explaining with a wink that "He says he doesn't need a G-suit - perhaps he might be mistaken?". A few minutes later, the F-15 was seen to take off in full A/B, accelerate to warp lots then snapping into a max rate climbing spiral to flight level nosebleed, before rolling over to spiral back down in a max rate descending spiral to initials....
"How did he like his trip", asked the det cdr - to be told that Le Colonel had been slumped in a heap in his seat from the start of the climb until back at initials. Later he said that it had been "Very interesting" and was then presented with his Eagle flight certificate - but not until he'd been given the traditional raw egg to eat, shell and all !!
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It seems we are both right, based on how the system has evolved today:
https://bfgnet.de/c-and-i/tax-free-shopping.html
Note that goods under EUR2500 may be paid for directly. That is possibly where the Army/RAF systems had differed in the past, and I suspect (but can't remember) the threshold either wasn't there at all, or was much higher. I certainly bought cars and caravans from dealers (ie considerably more than EUR2500, but in DM at the time) using the system and never once did I pay the Army, it was always to the dealer.
The purchase may well have been officially in the name of the PRI or the unit, but I don't recall that. It was a green form, and needed to be validated with a unit stamp. Our admin office issued them, same as Benzinscheinen.
Larger retailers, eg. Kaufhof or Hortens would take the Abwicklungsschien without issue. Smaller ones sometimes had to be persuaded. Given the amount involved (15%), it was a simple decision to purchase elsewhere if the retailer wouldn't accept it, and find one that would.
https://bfgnet.de/c-and-i/tax-free-shopping.html
Note that goods under EUR2500 may be paid for directly. That is possibly where the Army/RAF systems had differed in the past, and I suspect (but can't remember) the threshold either wasn't there at all, or was much higher. I certainly bought cars and caravans from dealers (ie considerably more than EUR2500, but in DM at the time) using the system and never once did I pay the Army, it was always to the dealer.
The purchase may well have been officially in the name of the PRI or the unit, but I don't recall that. It was a green form, and needed to be validated with a unit stamp. Our admin office issued them, same as Benzinscheinen.
Larger retailers, eg. Kaufhof or Hortens would take the Abwicklungsschien without issue. Smaller ones sometimes had to be persuaded. Given the amount involved (15%), it was a simple decision to purchase elsewhere if the retailer wouldn't accept it, and find one that would.
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Buster15... now that you mention it, I remember in the First Gulf War, after the declaration, the Tornados launching from Bruggen. We lived in Montfort on the Dutch side, they went off in the evening and I wished them God's Speed. Later in the following morning they returned and as I had counted them out, I counted them back in again. Aviation is a wonderful fellowship, I worked in ATC at Eurocontrol/Maastricht UAC. Happy days, now behind me. Just my thoughts.
The Tornados were deployed in various locations around the gulf well before the war started.
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Monday morning crew room stories on the Sqn, if someone hadn't been beaten up, felt up, got totally messed up and eventually locked up then it was a miraculously quiet weekend lol.
It seems we are both right, based on how the system has evolved today:
https://bfgnet.de/c-and-i/tax-free-shopping.html
Note that goods under EUR2500 may be paid for directly. That is possibly where the Army/RAF systems had differed in the past, and I suspect (but can't remember) the threshold either wasn't there at all, or was much higher. I certainly bought cars and caravans from dealers (ie considerably more than EUR2500, but in DM at the time) using the system and never once did I pay the Army, it was always to the dealer.
The purchase may well have been officially in the name of the PRI or the unit, but I don't recall that. It was a green form, and needed to be validated with a unit stamp. Our admin office issued them, same as Benzinscheinen.
Larger retailers, eg. Kaufhof or Hortens would take the Abwicklungsschien without issue. Smaller ones sometimes had to be persuaded. Given the amount involved (15%), it was a simple decision to purchase elsewhere if the retailer wouldn't accept it, and find one that would.
https://bfgnet.de/c-and-i/tax-free-shopping.html
Note that goods under EUR2500 may be paid for directly. That is possibly where the Army/RAF systems had differed in the past, and I suspect (but can't remember) the threshold either wasn't there at all, or was much higher. I certainly bought cars and caravans from dealers (ie considerably more than EUR2500, but in DM at the time) using the system and never once did I pay the Army, it was always to the dealer.
The purchase may well have been officially in the name of the PRI or the unit, but I don't recall that. It was a green form, and needed to be validated with a unit stamp. Our admin office issued them, same as Benzinscheinen.
Larger retailers, eg. Kaufhof or Hortens would take the Abwicklungsschien without issue. Smaller ones sometimes had to be persuaded. Given the amount involved (15%), it was a simple decision to purchase elsewhere if the retailer wouldn't accept it, and find one that would.
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Post exchange with one of our NATO colleagues they were building a model aircraft to present but were having problems with the right coloured paint, easily sorted but what to put it in, eventually Grolsch bottles were deemed the best solution as they could be sealed, so liney sent to the beer store to collect several empties to rinse and fill with paint... Liney returns smelling of beer... Well, he says "there wasn't any empties and I wasn't throwing good beer away, so I drank it".... nods of approval and paint sent..
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431MU engine bay, posted for a month or so until tourex due to RAFG trying to sort out manning on 14 Sqn up until disbandment. Stuck for first weeks in the module store and shuffling modules about, attempts to lift one and it wouldn't budge, forks straining then an almighty bang and up comes the box... WTF, look behind and see the late remains of the cast central heating pipe that was luckily turned off due to the time of year and drained. Box replaced and another sourced, departed RAFG before heating turned on 
MT Office at RAF Rheindahlen was in a decrepit old building [manned by decrepit old Germans in the main] and the hatch to which 658s [? number correct?] were proferred and keys issued was low, requiring a crouched posture even for one vertically challenged as I.
The hatch was guarded by a low beam 1m in front, easily noted on the way in, but forgotten in the euphoria of actually getting the keys.
*?!##~~!!!!!!!!!!
The notice said
CHICKEN ...... I MEAN DUCK
The hatch was guarded by a low beam 1m in front, easily noted on the way in, but forgotten in the euphoria of actually getting the keys.
*?!##~~!!!!!!!!!!
The notice said
CHICKEN ...... I MEAN DUCK
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I can't vouch for the truth of this but relate it as told to me.
Gutersloh about 2 months before handover to the Army.
At the guardroom a car arrives with Army Lt Col at the wheel.
Lt Col enquiries of gate guard, "Where's Princess Royal Barracks".
Guard responds, "Dunno, sir. Never heard of that one".
Lt Col. "Don't you know that this place will be Princess Royal Barracks in 2 months?"
Guard. "Really sir? Well, best you come back then, sir."
Gutersloh about 2 months before handover to the Army.
At the guardroom a car arrives with Army Lt Col at the wheel.
Lt Col enquiries of gate guard, "Where's Princess Royal Barracks".
Guard responds, "Dunno, sir. Never heard of that one".
Lt Col. "Don't you know that this place will be Princess Royal Barracks in 2 months?"
Guard. "Really sir? Well, best you come back then, sir."
For a bottle of gin I managed to get VW940B on a VW, my last 3 was 940. Has anybody mentioned vodka in the windscreen washer bottle? Much cheaper than the proper stuff thanks to coupons. It didn’t freeze, oh those winters, but neither did it clean the windows very well.
On my first tour, I drove all the way from Honington to Laarbruch in my Crimson 4-door Vauxhall Viva (1300 HC) which was duly given the Plate VW774B.
I sold that at Laarbruch for my worst decision ever a Morris Ital (AGH 40B) that displayed rust as soon as I opened the fuel flap!
I disposed of that as the warranty elapsed and got a Vauxhall Cavalier 1600 instead, severely brassing off a neighbour.
I had the Cav for 7 years!