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Instructors - any favourite "bon mots" ?

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Instructors - any favourite "bon mots" ?

Old 31st Aug 2017, 19:58
  #41 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Lechlade, Glos.UK
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A few from my past:

Don't say 'Ooops' say 'Spoiler'. VC10 stuff.

He stalked the runway using all available cover. (flapless in a Hawk)
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Old 31st Aug 2017, 20:05
  #42 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by sharpend View Post
He stalked the runway using all available cover.
I had similar to that:

XXX sneaked up on the runway using all available cover and then, catching it by surprise, leapt out to grab it unawares when it wasn't looking.
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Old 31st Aug 2017, 21:26
  #43 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Fareastdriver View Post
That's not the same prince who, having spread an aeroplane all over the airfield, was found sitting in the Ante Room denying that he was anywhere near it?
Was that flap from the same JP hanging on L-O-O 3 Sqn Students' Crew Room wall?
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Old 31st Aug 2017, 21:38
  #44 (permalink)  

Avoid imitations
 
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JP QFI after IF sortie: "Well, young ShyTorque, it was much smoother today!"

S: "Why, thankyou, sir!"

QFI: "Not you, you **** - I meant the weather!"
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 00:48
  #45 (permalink)  
 
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...this is priceless.
A Duchess holding a tramp's cock
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 01:20
  #46 (permalink)  
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All this talk of Saudi princes pretending not to have crashed made me look it up. I'm assuming it was this one:

ASN Aircraft accident 15-AUG-1960 Percival Provost T1 XF614

But then it was also hard to ignore this one:

ASN Aircraft accident 05-JAN-1960 Percival Provost T1 WV537
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 07:43
  #47 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 1999
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A tale was doing the rounds a few years ago about a helicopter accident involving a foreign student:

It seems he was flying his Gazelle on a navex, when he was caught short, so landed in a field. Unfortunately he pranged the helicopter and rushed off to complete his urgent business behind a hedge.

A QHI flying in the same area spotted the downed helicopter and decided to land to check whether the pilot is OK. After landing, he couldn't find the pilot so set off to look for him.

Meanwhile the student finished what was doing, hopped back over the hedge, jumped into the serviceable Gazelle and took off - much to the chagrin of the QHI who returned to find that he was now left with the remains of the other one.

Was this really true - or a fable?
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 07:53
  #48 (permalink)  
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Well if it isn't true it bloody well ought to be...
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 08:28
  #49 (permalink)  

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No, no - it was an army pilot who landed on a small pinnacle then went forwards into the jungle to take a comfort break. He left the aircraft running, it fell backwards off the pinnacle. Another pilot saw it happen, landed on the pinnacle, left it running, first pilot comes back unawares and takes the second aircraft...... Etc. Was it a Sioux, or a Scout, or both?

Not to forget the RAF Puma pilot in Norway who got whiteout on landing and damaged the landing gear. A Gazelle landed to assist, got whiteout, crashed and trashed it. Second Gazelle arrives, same thing happened. Puma has to get airborne to take everyone home!

The last one was true.

Also a Gazelle landed in an icy, snow covered car park, shut down, slid downhill into snow bank. Second Gazelle landed, slid slap into the back of the first one.

I can't remember if the above incidents were the same, I think not.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 08:40
  #50 (permalink)  

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An RAF colleague of mine set off in a Puma for a task. He returned a few minutes later, complained bitterly to the ground crew chief that the aircraft was u/s. He was allocated a second aircraft and the "lineys" were sent into the hangar to tow it out. He signed for the new aircraft but before it was towed out he went back out to the first one and took off in it again! Best thing was, the crewman was still in the first Puma, he thought they were OK to take it after all! My colleague thought he had swapped all the kit over to the new one.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 09:56
  #51 (permalink)  
 
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#52

I don't remember the first one but as you say the second was true.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 10:18
  #52 (permalink)  
lsd
 
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And the student on our solo night flying phase who (allegedly) was allocated and signed for JP 'A', ventured out into the darkness and got into 'B', and on completing his sortie came back into the line office to sign off 'C' as u/s.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 10:25
  #53 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by ShyTorque View Post

Not to forget the RAF Puma pilot in Norway who got whiteout on landing and damaged the landing gear. A Gazelle landed to assist, got whiteout, crashed and trashed it. Second Gazelle arrives, same thing happened. Puma has to get airborne to take everyone home!

The last one was true.
I was the crewman who took everyone home! Imagine how careful we were on that approach!

CG
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 10:35
  #54 (permalink)  
 
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My instructor on 705 NAS was Dave "Malarky Jim" Mallock, one of a very few A1 instructors at the time.

Favourite saying (helicopter drivers will appreciate) was 'go the way you're pointing, and point the way you're going'.

Later I managed my first Deck Landing with Mike Lehan. In the debrief the opening was along the lines of 'when you get front line that's an excellent approach and landing. As you're a stude, that's a fail'.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 10:37
  #55 (permalink)  
 
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Dear reader, I was that clueless stude...

One of my early trips on the TWU course at Chiv, thumb in bum, mind in neutral, taxying out too close to the aircraft ahead.


Voice from the back seat (clearly trying to get idiot Bloggs to use the gunsight to work out the range): "So, Bloggs, what's the minimum spacing on taxy?"
Me: "Hundredandfiftyyards." (Chest swelling at my own cleverness)
Voice: "So how do you judge 150 yards, Bloggs?"
Me (without thinking): "Ooh, it's about a well-struck 7 iron."
Cue a string of deleted expletives from the back seat.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 14:12
  #56 (permalink)  
 
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It is said that a Gnat student managed to get lost at night....

....whilst taxying at Valley. For those who've never flown it, you sit so close to the ground in a Gnat that you cannot see very far. This chap turned onto some piece of tarmac which proved itself not to be the taxiway when grass appeared dead ahead. So he shut down, which meant no radio. Or lights. He then got out and made his way to the tower...

"Where did you leave it?"
"Errmm - don't know. On some bit of tarmac on the airfield!"

As it was very dark, they couldn't run the risk of someone running into the abandoned Gnat, so people were diverted until dawn revealed wherever it was that our hero had left it.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 15:30
  #57 (permalink)  
 
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SHY -Ii believe the first of your incidents happened on Troodos mountain in Cyprus to a pair of Sioux. The Gazelle one on the icy, sloping car park is true. The second pilot was the flight commander who had set off when he heard about the incident to bollock the first pilot!
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 15:40
  #58 (permalink)  
 
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More of a 'I Learnt About Flying From That' was the Wessex pilot who parked his aircraft on a sloping parade square and hung his helmet by its strap from the rotor brake handle in the cockpit roof. Went off for a brew. The brake lever disengaged itself from its clip, helmet dropped and flicked the parking brake lever to off. With no chocks, the Wessex trundled down the square and trashed its tail rotor on the wall at the bottom.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 20:31
  #59 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by BEagle View Post
...This chap turned onto some piece of tarmac which proved itself not to be the taxiway when grass appeared dead ahead. So he shut down, which meant no radio. Or lights. He then got out and made his way to the tower...
Not an aircraft incident, but one very foggy night at Strubby I set off in a Mini to turn off the Pundit on the north side of the airfield [I think it was left on for Manby night-flying, if they could]. That achieved, it was now both dark and foggy. And, as a Strubby ATCO, it took me bloody ages to find my way back across to the south side.

(Apologies, that's out of context. Just responding to a previous Gnat post.)

Last edited by MPN11; 3rd Sep 2017 at 11:24.
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Old 1st Sep 2017, 22:20
  #60 (permalink)  
 
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Look son, I'm not being piccy but I'm sure you were towing a glider when you left

643GS Kirton in Lindsey mid 60's. Foggy fog fog, so foggy it was really foggy. (Just makinga point so you grasp how foggy it was) Not forecast just dropped out of the sky like a stone leaving six assorted Mk111's and T21's littering the launch point. After a miserable hour with no sign of it lifting and the day drawing to an end CFI orders eveything to be towed in. Easier said then done. One Landy vanished into the gloom with a Mk111 dangling on the rope Half and hour later Landy emerges from the gloom near the hangers. (glider wot glider) It took some finding.
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