Amusing Sayings

[olympus]

It's a brave man who farts in Africa.

[Bladdered]

'flying officer x fails to meet even his own low standards'


Perversely, Fg Off x Went on to reach a significantly higher rank than the elderly flt lt who wrote this

[bluetail]

Many a Chief has said this about many an officer

I would follow that officer anywhere, just to see what f*ck up he makes next.

[Xenophon]

From National Service (related to me by one who was there)

Corporal to those tardy on parade :-

"Them what's keen gets fell in previous"

VD lecture - squaddie pipes up that employing a prophylactic during coitus would prevent the aquisition of an unfortunate infection.
Lecturer - "Pox can get through Wellington boots laddie"

[Tinribs]

Routine orders

As well as the great many funny or unfunny remarks made within groups there was a competition at one point to make routine orders slightly more interesting

Officers summer trousers
All officers will be issued with one pair of lightweight summer trousers
These will be made from the same material as WRAF skirts
This will cause a temporary shortage of lightweight serge material
WRAF skirts will be held up until officers without trousers are satisfied

It has come to notice that there are more permanent erection (sheds) in married quarters gardens than are needed.
All ranks are reminded that permanent erections in married quarters are not allowed

During the current epidemic of stomach infections only water passed by the medical officer is to be consumed

[ericferret]

Whats that area called between the c**t and the ars*o*e?

The centre console.

As overheard in passing between and antipodean avionics engineer and an easyjet crew.

[langleybaston]

For the elderly:

Never trust a fart
never waste an erection
never walk past a khazi without peeing

Oh! and RAF Finningley in the good old days had a phone number for Officer i/c Temporary Erections [B o B Day].

[Pontius Navigator]

LB, repetition

[langleybaston]

say again all after "good afternoon" please?

[tartare]

You mistake me for someone who gives a f*ck.

[Stanwell]

I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

[Motleycallsign]

During exercise periods on rotary we had a piece of advice for all new crews ' never pass a porcelain ' sure beat an elsan in the woods.

[Evanelpus]

One I use to people who irritate me at work is:

"Come again when you have less time"

Sadly, most of the morons here think it's a compliment!

[FantomZorbin]

"Can everyone hear me at the back?" ... "Yes, but I'm perfectly willing to swop!"




I say I say, what's the difference between ****** and a photo of ******? ... only the photo is fully developed!

[effortless]

On a bog wall at Old Sarum.

No use standing on the seat madam, the crabs round can jump ten feet madam.

You won't find any crabs jumping here madam. They're all in the front seats madam.

[Hydromet]

On the old VD posters that posed the question "Is 5 minutes of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?" someone would always write "How do you make it last 5 minutes?"

[langleybaston]

Oh! well, if its the old lavatory wall:

I say I say I say!

I used to think Fellatio was a character in Hamlet ...............

Don't throw dog-ends in the urinal, it makes them soggy and difficult to light.

Is Cunnilingus the Irish Airline?

[Stanwell]

Oh, dear...
A man's ambition must be small
to write upon a sh1thouse wall.

To elevate the tone of this thread a little - a couple of workplace ones...

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh1t.
How about never? .. Is never a good time for you?
and...
Yes, I am an agent of Satan - but my duties are largely ceremonial.

[Sloppy Link]

Without this man, the Mess Bar would run at a loss.

[Saraband]

"You are not totally useless..........even you have some use as a bad example"

and

"Come to my office now and bring your successor with you"